Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

9 Reasons Sexual Desire Decreases

Reasons why sexual desire decreases over time are connected to our nature, external circumstances, and how we experience sex and our partner.

Man and woman in bad; sexual desire decreases

1. Sexual desire towards a specific person declines faster in extroverts than in introverts.

Extroverts have more significant needs for change, so the more extroverted a person is, the more likely they are to desire different sexual partners. But there’s also a greater chance that they’ll quickly become bored with them and move on.

This is the risk when choosing male and female individuals—social hubs and people surrounded by many friends, followers, suitors, and opportunities.

Man and woman in relationship

If you want stability with someone, your best bet is with those who are more reserved. If someone constantly craves change and excitement, everything gets dull quickly, while new experiences and possibilities greatly excite them.

2. People give up on sex because of the impression that they can easily find it elsewhere

Which the internet facilitates.

Online, everyone seems desirable and brave, which is a false image that leads people to quickly abandon their partners mentally and embark on incredible romances with these online illusions.

  • I once had a client who conversed online with a “celebrity” for two years, sending gifts. In the meantime, she lost her money, divorced, and continued nurturing that illusion—until the promised encounter. Which never happened.

Once again, much of this unfolds in one’s mind rather than in reality. But our imagination is potent enough to ruin our relationships.

Man and woman

However, the sexual potential that the internet offers is largely a colorful lie, and hidden behind all those incredible images and flatteries are regular people who will unavoidably hurt or disappoint you sooner or later. If you have a good partner, don’t allow yourself the naivety of deception online.

Sex with a committed partner may not be as exciting, but it’s real, with much less chance of various mistakes and emotional-psychological injuries.

3. Once we already have something, it’s hard to continue desiring it

Which opens the eternal philosophical question: can we still want the things we have? Realistically, we can if we and… those things are wise. You can read more about this in this text, but for now, know that when we have something, we tend to desire it less, and consequently, the desire for sex with the person present in our lives decreases.

  • However, here’s something interesting from scientific research: female sexuality doesn’t actually decline.
  • It remains at a certain level, awakening in moments of interest and then returning to its factory settings, so to speak.
Man and woman in relationship

This significantly alters the narrative about women’s diminished interest in someone and those doubts: does she not want me anymore? Why am I not as attractive to her? Does it mean she wants someone else more than me? Is she maybe flirting or having an affair with someone else?! and so on. Not really; while she desired you, she was excited about you, and now she’s just at a point where she’s not as excited, which is actually what it is… unless there’s truly another reason, but we’ll get to that later.

4. Lack of sexual drive in women may stem from the fact that sex costs them more

So nature has inclined them to avoid it when they can, while for men, having sex is profitable.

Also, when it comes to this, you’re probably familiar with the phenomenon that women, after ovulation (mid-cycle), have no need for sex and are more irritable.

  • There’s a fun hypothesis that this is because they want to drive the man away. After all, the body knows it’s not fertilized, and there won’t be fertilization until the next ovulation period, so the man is unnecessary. Oh, the unfair nature towards men.

5. There’s the eternal question of whether the marriage becomes bad first or the sex disappears.

Man and woman in relationship

And psychologists researching this have found the answer: sex disappears first. Couples who have regular sex in marriage are much happier with each other and overall satisfied with life. This means that by eliminating sex, couples eliminate the opportunity for mutual satisfaction, connection, and happiness.

Consequently, since life is filled with several negative events, if we don’t work on positive events or deliberately eliminate them, sometimes there aren’t many fun activities left to bond us.

So, my dear ones, maintain sex in marriage as best as you can, because if you want to keep your marriage, keep sex in it first.

And yes, let’s be clear here: I’m not saying the end of sexual intercourse means the end of marriage. Marriages can end for many different reasons, but lack of sex is one of them.
If this happens, there will be fewer sexual encounters in marriage and relationships.

  • Although it’s a widespread belief that if men don’t have their sexual needs met, they’ll seek sex with another woman, it’s more true that they’ll seek sexual gratification more often through masturbation and pornography. This means that guys seem to cheat less than girls think.
Man and woman in relationship

And here’s trivia: women who, as I mentioned, don’t have such a strong sex drive, if they love their man, will do everything for him. Cook, nurture, support, and talk, but don’t give him sex. They’ll consider it a fair trade and feel like good women, which they certainly are, but men usually want and desire sex, so people should give them what they want.

Ladies, negotiate with your man what he wants from you, and it might turn out you’re giving him the wrong or less important thing.

6. Women are tired, men are lazy

(can also be vice versa.)

Some of the theories about the decline in women’s sexual desire revolve around the fact that after sex, women have more work, especially concerning children.

On the other hand, men’s sexual desire in marriage declines because they’re, believe it or not, lazy. In the sense that they don’t have to today, they can do it tomorrow, and so on. So, on the one hand, it’s female nature; on the other hand, male laziness results in a less satisfying relationship.

Another hypothesis for why women’s sexual desire decreases is that men pressure them to have sex when they don’t want to.

Man and woman in relationship

This way, he infringes on her integrity, and she feels used.

The reverse case, where a man consistently rejects a woman for his reasons

He can be overwhelmed with work and problems and is preoccupied with other topics.

Still, all of this also affects how the woman feels unwanted and no longer has a need to work on her sexuality when there’s no interest from the other side.

7. If someone (a couple) has existential problems, they will have less sexual desire

Financial problems, illness, irreconcilable disagreements, disappointments, and betrayals.

Because each of these things sends a message to our brain that the person is threatened and must resolve these issues before anything else.

Often, this is the explanation for male impotence in burdensome problems because, realistically, survival comes first and then everything else. If the brain thinks we’re in danger, sex is certainly not a priority; a person must deal with more important matters.

Despite the fact that women have an innate sexual drive that only manifests when they find a man who sexually excites them, it is important to understand that:

8. A woman won’t want a man she doesn’t think is the best

Handsome man standing

If a woman doesn’t think her partner is the best, she won’t have a desire for sex with him.

This already operates based on evolutionary psychology. A woman is willing to let the best man impregnate her, but she is also willing to sacrifice her best efforts (give him sex regularly) to keep him around to support her in raising children.

Suppose a woman perceives the man as the best. In that case, he’s the guarantee for her children’s survival, so nature has made efforts to encourage women in that direction and provide an opportunity for the continuation of the best genes. Isn’t nature fascinating? It will do everything to ensure the species reproduces and persists, even incentivizing sexual drive.

  • Perhaps it is interesting to mention that women who believe they are much better than all the men around them won’t choose many partners for sex. They only select partners who impose themselves as the best, meaning they tell them they’re nothing special. That’s why you often see very arrogant women yearning for someone below their level—just because they don’t see themselves as worthy and don’t appreciate themselves as much.

9. Dissatisfaction with sex or the relationship

A man and a woman look at each other

Sometimes, people know what they want but don’t get it and fail to convince their partner to provide it. Also, often people fantasize about something else, but they have their own reasons why they don’t want to tell their partner. Or they won’t leave their partner and take a risk with someone else.

On the other hand, sometimes they don’t know what they want but are quietly dissatisfied—hence, no sex. And this is best helped by consulting with a counselor to determine what they want and what makes them unsatisfied. Because it can be anything, from not overlapping with some of the needs of our inner being, which we can’t even recognize, through something imperceptible in the partner, etc.

It would obviously be good to contemplate what you want and how to get it, but there is more on this topic in this text.

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