This is the fastest way to get through the painful experience of a breakup. But this path is only for the bravest because it’s like ripping off a band-aid. You’ll see what I mean soon. So, how to get over a breakup fast?

We all wish things would progress in a straight line, but more often than not, they take a reverse or utterly different route.

For example, we all wish we’d be given an excellent job and start putting in effort. But things happen the way they must: we put in the effort first and then get a good job.

A similar phenomenon exists in recovery from a breakup. Most people think they will heal by finding some solution or letting time work. However, the solution is often not in focusing on ourselves but in thinking objectively about the breakup, the future, and the person we’ve separated from.

Let’s say you were in a relationship with your partner for maybe a year. And you broke up for particular reasons we will collectively call: things didn’t work out.

The most common approaches people take to get over a breakup are:

• Spending time with friends
• Suffering in silence without expressing their pain
• Physical activity or finding comfort in food
• Immersing themselves in work
• Endless conversations with a trusted person
• And many others

These approaches can be promising and yield positive results, though they are slower and may not be enough for some people. A group of people will remain stuck grieving for the person they lost unless they thoroughly address their breakup.

People don’t take this into account because the breakup itself is painful, so they don’t want to add more pain. But this is the place where you make a choice, like ripping off a band-aid:

• We can do it slowly: it will hurt less but take longer.
• We can do it quickly: it will hurt more, but the pain will last shorter.
• Or we can do nothing and hope that things will resolve themselves… but maybe they won’t.

I like and recommend a combination of the first two approaches, if we want to get over a breakup fast, but I’ll outline the radical approach below without avoiding it.

If you do what I suggest, yes, it will be painful to face these truths, but if the breakup is final, you will forever be free from the pain related to that person.

What Is the Most Painful Stage of a Breakup?

The approaches I would recommend, which I know from professional experience bring faster and more effective results, are:

Understand the Valid Reasons For Your Breakup

Don’t distort them or turn them into a mystery if you want to get over a breakup fast.

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase: “The truth will set you free.”

Twisting the reasons for the breakup or attributing it to unknown causes creates a loop that can’t close because we know something doesn’t fit.

It’s like a puzzle. If it’s not the right piece, you’ll know it’s not the right piece. And the picture will be complete only when we find the one that fits perfectly. In the case of your breakup, your picture will be complete only when you identify why you had to separate from your partner.

Let’s take a hypothetical situation that most people find very hard:

Your partner broke up with you because of a third person.

1. If we distort the truth: the distorted truth would be that We broke up because I wasn’t a good enough partner.
2. If the breakup remains a mystery: I really don’t know why my partner left me.

Both variants create a loop in the mind. We know the first one isn’t true, so it can’t bring us relief, and we don’t have an explanation for the second, so there’s no relief there either.

• Note: We do these things to achieve temporary relief by avoiding the real truth, but in the end, we get stuck in that loop.

If we told ourselves the truth: My partner chose someone else, it would be painful (like ripping off the band-aid), but it would finally be the first step towards healing.

We would no longer endlessly contemplate why the breakup happened or how we could fix it. We would know things are as they are now: the partner chose someone else. This has nothing to do with what kind of partner I was in the relationship; it has nothing to do with anything else; it’s related to the preferences of our former partner.

This would give us a vast space to reflect on the partner, their disloyalty, betrayal, the fact that we weren’t a good match, and whether we even want to be with someone ready to replace us. Do we want to be with someone who has such preferences?

The essence is that, in this case, we can see new pieces of truth that can push us in the direction of recovery.

Yes, this approach is more painful in the short term, but in the long run, it speeds up recovery and ensures its longevity.

• If you really have this situation, that your partner has chosen a third person, these texts can help you:

Observe the Person You Broke Up With Very Thoroughly

The second thing I suggest as part of recovering from a breakup is to shift your focus from analyzing yourself—your mistakes, your pain, your sad days—to analyzing your partner instead.

First, this will give you something genuinely helpful to work on, and second, you’ll likely gain valuable insights for your recovery.

If your partner chooses to end the relationship, this approach is beneficial.

If you consider these questions properly, taking the time to reflect on them, you can arrive at some significant conclusions about your partner.

However, if you carefully analyze your partner, you’ll once again encounter truths about their character, traits, plans, and desires, which can help bring you peace. Either because you’ll realize how poorly you fit together or you’ll see that those things are unchangeable, and you don’t want to waste your energy on them.

Why Break Up Is So Hard To Bear: Real Reasons

Think About Your Potential Future with That Person

If you identify that your partner has certain traits, desires, plans, habits, or needs that led to the breakup, this opens up the question: Do I even want, or am I able, to stay with this person?

Yes, I understand you’re drawn to some qualities, desires, etc., your ex-partner has. But those are things you like. What remains are the things you disagree with and that are dealbreakers for you.

If you can’t think of a single trait you don’t like (since some people struggle to be truthful when flooded with emotions), the fact that they left you—or the reason for the breakup itself—should be enough.

This should be your focus for the upcoming period.

People have short memories for negative things and long ones for positive ones. Our brains work this way to protect us from negative emotions and impressions. That’s why we avoid, erase, and suppress unpleasant things, leaving only good memories on the surface.

This is a mistake because during the breakup, it feels like we’ve lost that exceptional person, someone no one else can compare to. It seems we’ve only lost the good things (while the bad have been suppressed).

But the truth is, we have at least one thing (the fact that the person wasn’t loyal until the end and didn’t make an effort to stay with us) that we can hold on to and realize that maybe we shouldn’t stay with someone like that.

To be clear, we don’t just have one reason for the breakup; no one is perfect or possesses only positive traits. It would make the healing process faster and easier if you became more aware of the many damaging traits you truly disliked in your partner. But this is a process: think about them and hold onto them as your reasons why it’s good that you didn’t stay in that relationship.

At this moment, it’s better to think about your partner’s bad characteristics rather than the good ones. Later on, in the future, you’ll find the truth and balance everything.

Partner Broke Up With You—What Are Your Solutions?

Reflect on the Act of the Breakup Itself

I don’t believe in temporary breakups.

I’m actually a strong advocate for the idea that if people love each other, they shouldn’t separate, take breaks, or break up.

Because breaking up as an act brings new problems into the relationship, such as:

• The togetherness is broken.
• Anxiety and fear arise over whether it’s final.
• Questions emerge like, “If they left me now, won’t they do it again?”
• Technical questions arise, “What is my partner doing now that they’re not with me?”
• This leaves room for future problems, such as, “What were you doing when we were broken up?”
• Additionally, breaking up means that each partner goes through that problem independently. Even if reconciliation occurs, isn’t it wrong that when you needed the most support, the person who should be your most significant support wasn’t there for you?

I also don’t believe one head can develop better solutions for a shared matter than two.

But, if we consider the breakup final – that act should be the final point for you.

If I told you right now that you never need to return to work, you wouldn’t spend your time ruminating solely on emotions or where you went wrong—you would start focusing on your future. That would redirect your energy toward planning, new attempts, and progress rather than getting stuck in contemplating the breakup.

Reflect on the act of the breakup itself as a bad sign for your relationship. On top of everything already damaging it, the breakup was not a good idea if your partner wanted a future chance.

In that case, the breakup act may help you emotionally conclude things with this person. That’s an additional piece of information you needed about your ex-partner.

And if this is the definitive end, then that should help you start planning your future and redirecting your focus there.

Signs You Are Wasting Your Time Trying To Get Your Ex Back

Consider Your Future

A breakup opens the door to exciting things in the future.

Of course, there are unpleasant things, too, but since we’re currently dealing with the pain of the breakup, it would be wrong to frame your future as a negative thing while viewing your past with that partner only as positive. Or, even worse, to believe that the only possible life is a life with that partner.

No, now is the time to concentrate on all the advantages ahead of you. Whether those are opportunities to go somewhere else, relocate, focus more on yourself, or find someone new.

Although this might sound like self-deception, it’s just as much self-deception as thinking the world has collapsed because you’re no longer with your partner.

If you’re already amid a breakup and its pain, an unchangeable reality, always think worse about the past and better about the future.

If you were responsible for the breakup and can’t forgive yourself, maybe this text will help:

How To Get Your Ex Back After Hurting Them, Feeling Guilt After Breakup

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Although it’s hard to put into writing what you need to do, it’s just as hard to convince my clients—or, in this case, you—what needs to be done.

Once again, there are reasons why people don’t want to take this path. It’s painful, reveals painful truths, feels like the final end, and is also the quickest route to healing.

Of course, there are advantages to dreaming, emotional contemplation, and grieving. You can “peel the band-aid” slowly. But if by any chance you’re looking for a faster way, this truth is harsh and relentless, but it’s a quick and lasting solution for your pain.

Good luck. Dee.