Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

What Is The Best Way To Gain Self-Confidence?

People lack self-confidence because they don’t dedicate time to do the right things to acquire it. Perhaps it’s because they believe that confidence is innate or that it simply appears in someone’s life one day. However, these are the real steps and the best way to gain self-confidence. Try them out, for each one, repeat step number one, and you will see that things will improve over time.

A beautiful woman smiling

Although these moves are familiar to you because you may have heard them before, these are real confidence-building moves.

People expect someone to say some magic word, or to give them some magical instruction, or something else, and that’s why they spend their lives waiting for it to appear. And that will never happen, because self-confidence is built through these things and time.

Either way, these things will really boost your confidence. With these things, you will really get it, and if you start applying them today and give them time, you will see that confidence will really appear in you.

Confidence is gained through repetition.

The more we do something, the more confident we become in it. We lacked confidence when we first played billiards, but by the hundredth time we played, we had it. This applies to every area, from practicing a skill to approaching people.

As we approach people, we become more skilled in that area, but we’re hindered by avoiding emotional hurts, ego bruises, fears, etc., although the process is essentially the same.

The more we repeat things, the more security and confidence we’ll have when doing them.

Confidence is gained through correcting moves.

Attractive, self-confidant man laughing

However, even in billiards, we would only become good if we corrected our moves. Perhaps we tried many times in our own way, so it went slower until we figured out the best move. But maybe we also read about it, watched YouTube videos, or even asked a professional. Sometimes, someone even decides to ask their opponent where they’re going wrong, observe their opponent’s behavior, etc. But let’s say it’s best to ask people who have been doing something for a long time how to do it.

You could ask professionals how to do something in the best way possible.

Self-Confidence grows through improving one’s self-image.

Wherever a negative image of ourselves comes from, it is changeable and fixable.

Improving one’s self-image must last many years because the negative image is firmly established. That’s obviously why people give up—because they don’t see significant changes quickly.

However, this is a battle between David and Goliath. Goliath is the established self-image that is solid, large (composed of much information), and seemingly invincible. David is a new image in the making. It is small and fragile, but it should be determined and perseverant in its intention.

Improving one’s self-image is a complex matter composed of multiple instances:

1. Talking to oneself about one’s positive traits.

A beautiful self-confidant woman

It’s essential to talk to oneself and praise oneself to improve our self-image. Just as you would take the time to speak to a friend, it’s necessary to take the time to talk to yourself. But exclusively positively. It’s not time for self-criticism or cruel realism, since there’s already enough of that.

No form of self-criticism is welcome in these moments. It would be like treating a wound while simultaneously poking it with a rusty object. You’ll have a much harder time healing it (but in case you’re worried about this approach without self-criticism, don’t worry: there’s a time in life you’ll be sharp on yourself). Now, this positive attitude about yourself must be intensified.

You need to think about the good things you’ve done, no matter how small they are. Notice such things and congratulate yourself for accomplishing something.

You should think about your positive traits and praise yourself. Either to yourself or to someone else.

2. Conversations aren’t enough; actions are needed to change things we don’t like about ourselves.

Handsome man working confidently

So, if you’re overweight, instead of being proud of having a doctorate (which you should be; that falls under point 1), work on losing weight and getting in shape. Through your actions, you’ll achieve not only external but also internal changes in your personality. Internal changes are far more important, but it’s hard to claim that we’re in good shape or educated if we don’t honestly believe it.

*I have nothing against being overweight. I’m talking about people who are troubled by their weight.

Action is also important because we receive the message:

  • That we’re brave enough to try something
  • We’ve taken matters into our own hands
  • That we’re capable
  • That we’re able to change things

So, always choose to take action and do something. Whether you’ll exercise or study, fix something, or make progress in something, it’s less important. What’s important is that you’re sending yourself a message that you’ve taken matters into your own hands.

Remember to repeat regularly and frequently whatever you’ve chosen to do.

3. Destroying old beliefs that speak negatively about us.

Woman in toxic relationship but confidant

This is best done with the help of professionals who will clearly describe under what circumstances or with the help of which person the injuries occurred and led you to lack confidence.

That person can be someone else or you. There can also be circumstances. But a professional (psychotherapist) can tell you why it happened, what examples exist, which techniques are most effective for solving that problem, why those beliefs aren’t true, etc.

However, if you don’t have the money to pay a professional, you’ll go through this process alone. You’ll educate yourself to think analytically and better see how negative beliefs arose. You may have to admit to yourself that your parents weren’t so great or that you caused some of those things yourself (you may have to admit to yourself that you’re your own enemy against whom you have to fight).

Attractive, self-confidant man thinking

Then, you’ll educate yourself on which techniques are good for destroying negative beliefs about yourself.

Every belief you have about yourself needs to be revised. We revise methods, change mobile phones and clothes, and change cars, but we, too, rarely completely revise ourselves. Self-revision needs to be done every year. Pull out things you don’t like about yourself, discard them, and introduce some new ones into your life that you’ll use until they become something you regularly use.

And finally, you’ll repeat what you’ve learned over and over again to become your new pattern.

4. Involve friends so they can talk about us.

Friends aren’t necessary to work on this, but it always goes faster when more people are involved. They might surprise you with how highly they regard you, open up new perspectives, or say something you’ll remember forever.

Friends are talking

But the basic idea is to talk to them with the intention of hearing their opinion about you. Insist on positive thinking. If they have something to blame you for, they can leave it for another time. As I said, it’s not the time to poke the wound with a rusty object.

You should go into this conversation quietly, intending to listen. You’ll certainly come to contradict or silence them. You’ll probably feel ashamed or automatically start changing the subject, but you should endure the initial discomfort. The idea is to find out how many people think well of you and believe that they’re not flattering you but expressing their honest opinion.

Compliments from others are usually insignificant (they go in one ear and out the other), but this is work on self-confidence, so everything must be approached with care, dedication, and seriousness.

Listen to your friends when they speak positively about you, ask them for more details, and try to believe that you have the qualities they attribute to you.

*In conversations with yourself and with friends, don’t diminish your positive qualities by saying things like everyone can do that. It’s nothing special. No one needs that. I’d rather be something else, etc.

The Best Way To Make Someone Regret Leaving You

5. Stop saying bad things about yourself.

A beautiful, self-confidant woman sitting

When you speak poorly about yourself to others, you’re also speaking to yourself.

For example: I’m incompetent. Perhaps you said this mechanically to someone, but you also said it to yourself. And you know who says the most things to you? You yourself.

Basically, when you say bad things about yourself, you hear them.

And there’s not much difference between someone constantly telling you that you’re incompetent and you repeating it to yourself. The difference is only that this is more frequent and stronger for you because you fully believe in yourself.

6. Stop doing bad things to yourself.

We tell ourselves that we deserve something bad by doing bad things to ourselves. For example, if we only eat unhealthy food, we’re sending ourselves a message that we don’t value ourselves much.

If we smoke, we’re sending ourselves a message that it’s okay to harm ourselves. If we gamble, we send ourselves a message that our money isn’t valuable.

Man Successfully Overcome rejection

On the other hand, positive behavior toward ourselves is an act of self-care, love, and attention. In this way, we’re sending ourselves a message that it’s worth investing in us, that it’s worth taking care of us, and that we are valuable to ourselves.

And of course, ultimately, what we do to ourselves builds our self-image, and it becomes obvious to other people.

People definitely think that if you’re tidy, you’re necessary to yourself, and if you’re messy, you’re not important to yourself.

7. Choose psychotherapy

I’ve already mentioned in the text that the best work is done by professionals.

The therapist should help you start seeing things more truthfully (you’re perfectly fine) and correct the things that have arisen that spoil your happiness (it’s not true that you’re unattractive).

In fact, this is the most crucial segment of psychotherapy: helping the person see things as they really are, not as they think they are because of false beliefs.

Psychotherapist talking about gaining self-confidence

Psychotherapy should last for several months at least because, during that period, the therapist has time to study you and determine which approach is most optimal for you, to tell you different things that will come with your acquaintance, to repeat things that are important for you to hear, to change the approach if necessary, to come up with new techniques, and finally, to be your support, voice of reason, listener, and someone you can rely on. Also, the therapist can serve as a parental figure and re-parent you.

8. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Even when it doesn’t work out or when you lack the will, try to still repeat these things. People don’t gain self-confidence because they try these things for too short a time, and when they don’t yield immediate results, they give up on them.

Repeat all of this as much as you can and give the process time to work.

I hope you find this text useful. Love you. Dee

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