How to behave in order not to break up after three months, and if you break up, what to do next.
*Or at least make it easier to bear.
I sincerely hope everyone currently in or planning to be in the early stages of a relationship reads this post. So that you don’t get too comfortable. Just kidding!
Today, we’ll talk about the first two and a half months of a relationship and the first breakup, which typically occurs around that time. Sometimes even after several months. I’ve heard even ten.
When discussing this breakup, I am referring to the type that doesn’t stem from fundamental disagreements between partners. Rather, it arises from a situation where one partner is left completely stunned and bewildered, as they never anticipated it. Because everything was fine before.
Many people will attest to this. They had a wonderful time in their relationship. Constantly meeting, expressing love, talking about being the real deal, planning weddings, and choosing baby names together all lead to one outcome: being together forever.
But suddenly, one partner sends a message, almost inevitably the day after significant declarations of love, saying they can’t continue, they need time to think, and it’s not about you, it’s about them. They have some personal issues to sort out. (Those who dare to stand in front of their partner and say all this face-to-face are very rare.)
The partner who received the message is shocked and doesn’t know how to proceed, and that’s the theme of this blog post.
People Calculate Pros and Cons
When we start a relationship with someone, we are literally in a different state of mind and body—hormonally, mentally, and emotionally. We’re excited, tense, and filled with adrenaline about how our next meeting will go. We’re happy and euphoric. Our body and mind are in total distress compared to what they should be—calm.
The body can’t endure such excessive stress for too long, so whether we like it or not, it uses various mechanisms to calm down, seeing this state as potentially dangerous. In other words, we’ll burn out if we continue like this.
9 Unique Types of Partners in Relationships and Life
The moment our being starts to calm down and relax, new states occur:
- We’re less euphoric about that person, so we start to see them more clearly without emotional and hormonal blocks.
- Due to the decreased tension, we no longer have to make as much effort to present ourselves in the best possible light.
- We relax around that person, and now we can show a bit more of who we really are.
- In such a relaxed state, we can talk about what we want in the future.
- We can turn to them (that person) and start suggesting how we envision our relationship.
- And finally, and most importantly,
- In that period, our and their true natures became evident.
By then, we’ve already shown who we really are—whether we genuinely engage in sports or just talk about it, whether we’re truly ambitious or just pretending, whether we really have superpowers or can’t fly and don’t have laser vision. Just kidding.
Those two and a half months reveal everything, even cracks in our and their presentations.
And then there’s a chance that what is seen beneath our initial presentation won’t appeal to the person towards us. Or we won’t like what we see in them.
To be precise, we begin to sense all this after a month, and that’s when we start questioning whether we’re wasting our time.
What Causes Obsession With a Certain Person
There’s another little “thing” happening within us simultaneously.
Excitement and hormones have suppressed our true nature, which is now starting to flourish. And in that true nature, there’s everything. For example, part of our true nature may be that we don’t want to be tied to anyone. In the first moment, we thought that person was great and capable of finally releasing us from the shackles of our self-imposed loneliness.
However, after a month, it became evident that we encountered an ordinary person with many flaws and quirks who may not be worth sacrificing our true nature and solitary life for.
And, as I mentioned, anything and everything can constitute our true nature. To love freedom, not to plan activities with someone, to enjoy spending weekends alone watching movies instead of going out, not to love sex as much as we pretend, to love excitement instead of sitting at home as the partner offers, and so on.
And then, when we combine these three components:
- Decrease in euphoria,
- Discovery of the partner,
- Emergence of our true nature from within
We tested this for another month and a half, so it doesn’t seem like we gave up on something that seemed worthwhile. After that, we no longer have the will to engage with that person, and we either gracefully end it or let them finish it for us.
Now, you might be thinking—how dreadful! No one can survive this. Actually, they can. And there are several ways to do it, so I’ll suggest a few. Choose the one that interests you based on your capabilities and preferences. And let me clarify right away: some are more powerful, and some are less powerful.
Ways to make a relationship last beyond two and a half months:
Stay calm in Those First Two Months
How to avoid getting too attached to someone
Keep a cool head as much as possible, even if you genuinely like the person.
In this case, even if you receive that message after two and a half months, you won’t find yourself too invested and desperate that you didn’t stay with that person. This is because you have consciously been aware of their flaws the entire time—flaws you knew from the beginning precisely because you weren’t enamored. That’s the way to do it.
How to use dopamine in relationships to make someone think of you
Be in reality. Not overly excited, but not skeptical or counter. Just be in reality.
This person has some flaws, and it should be enough to keep you balanced for the next two and a half months so that you don’t fall head over heels. And even if you do, this will be a way to either overcome that person or endure the shock of that message more efficiently.
Never Stop Being Fascinating
I like that one the most, but it is the most challenging option.
It’s a bit fake, but only if it’s genuinely fake and if you don’t live up to what you proclaimed at the very beginning of the relationship. I’m sure you can think of someone right now, a woman or a man, who you know is one hundred percent faking to be something they’re not to remain fascinating to their partner.
What Makes Someone Likeable | Psychology
But it must be done in a certain way.
Firstly, you must be unique to your partner in the things they value. If the partner likes well-groomed women, well, no strolling in UGG boots when you don’t have the will to get a good dress. Or if the partner loves intellect, you know what you should do. If they like being ignored, well, don’t spend time with them. Oh, don’t fool yourself; some enjoy being ignored.
However, some types of distinctiveness go over incredibly well. Specifically, if you strongly highlight yourself in relation to others in terms of what your partner values, it will continue to fascinate your partner. But let’s say it’s easiest to pretend to be self-confident. So many people are pretending to be confident.
However, I must emphasize that all this is exhausting if it’s just acting. So I would suggest that it be more than that. Something real, for example.
What Makes a Person Attractive | Psychology
And let me tell you right away: If you’re genuinely impressive in some regard, people won’t leave you after two and a half months.
They will if your impressiveness is low on their value system.
For example, if you’re an impressive athlete, that person values artists more, or if you’re a remarkable scientist, that person values sexy women more. So, obviously, it all starts with choosing people who will see something impressive in you. Something you already have and that is genuinely yours (I highly recommend creating something if you don’t already have it). Because it’s a bit harder to keep a partner if you’re not impressive in some way.
Realistically, no one falls in love with people who aren’t anything special for them. That won’t work.
But it can work if you either:
- Become something your partner highly values or
- Look for something that is within the reach of what you offer.
For example, you don’t like sports, but you love hedonism. You’ll have better chances with someone who prefers a hedonistic lifestyle than with someone who highly values sports. Anyway, take both, and either can be good. You just need to be realistic about what you offer to the person in relationship and not hope that they will change their taste.
In any case, as I mentioned:
- something that is highly noticeable,
- sets you apart from other people, and
- is significant in their value system
It can be a very good reason for someone, after two and a half months, to instead send you a message saying they need to solve their problems (and it’s not about you, it’s about them) to send roses to your door, or to offer wild sex.
If That Fateful Message Arrives
Respond just with, “Okay.”
They didn’t expect this, those little deceivers 😊.
They thought that when they left you, you’d fall into despair, start cursing and begging, and send bouquets of roses to their home address. First, “Okay” is like a cold shower and elicits a reaction like, “Are you crazy?! What do you mean, okay? Are you aware of what you’re losing? Wasn’t I the best thing that ever happened to you? Just yesterday, you were saying I’m a perfect person. What do you mean, okay?!”
After your okay, that person remains in the same (and complete) shock as you about leaving such a lukewarm impression that you agreed to let them go when they suggested it.
Why We Are In Love With Someone – Psychological Explanation
And the ego is ego…
Who likes leaving such an impression that they can be easily relinquished and live without them? So, what does that person have to do? Return to the scene to fix the appearance because the ego is falling apart. Don’t let them.
Additionally, you become fascinating with that calmness. No drama, no hysteria.
You actually give the impression that you are above the situation and that you are okay with losing that person. And it’s okay with you because she or he (seems) is nothing special to you. It automatically starts to make you more special. And bonus, you seem so relaxed because you have so many choices.
In conclusion…
Closely monitor those two and a half months or more, and avoid relaxation during their duration. You can relax more once you have a firmer attachment. But those two and a half months are a phase of initially getting to know each other. And if you like that person, mental tension (positive tension to maintain a high opinion of yourself) around them isn’t the worst sacrifice you can make.
Miscalculating and relaxing too much during that period, counting on the facts, results in the worst sacrifice: losing them.