Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

Can a Person Who Rejected You Change Their Mind?

Answered questions: Can a person fall in love with you after they reject you? How to keep that person when they finally come back and Can they change their mind?

Would a person who rejected you change their mind depends on:

  1. What is going on in their life
  2. Their character
  3. The distance created between you
  4. What kind of offer you are
Man rejected woman and then come back

7 reasons why people who rejected you come back

1. What is going on in their life

If you were rejected for the first time because something was going on in that person’s life, it is possible that you may become an option for another attempt when that clears up.

We often think people reject us because something is wrong with us, but more often than not, people leave because they have other things going on in their lives. They may still be in love with their ex-partners who suddenly re-enter their lives, or they may be preoccupied with something significant happening in their life (someone falling ill, issues with their ex-partner, etc.).

Man and woman on date

Things can also be more straightforward. By the end of the day, a person may be completely exhausted and lack the energy necessary for a relationship. They might be preoccupied with something seemingly simple (like planning a trip) but find it very stressful.

A lot depends on what is happening in someone’s life. When certain things are resolved, space can be freed up for you.

  • Note: I would never waste time wondering if things in their lives would be resolved. Some things can last for tens of years (falling in love with a more important person, for example). Don’t waste your time.

The Best Way To Make Someone Regret Leaving You

2. Their character

Again, people often think they are rejected solely because of themselves, but that may not be true.

Sometimes, people reject us because of their specific characteristics. For example, they might be fearful or adventurous, workaholics, irresponsible, jealous, etc. Any character trait can be a good reason why someone rejects you. It literally depends on how they deal with that trait and how you fit into it.

I remember a case of a young man who was very jealous of his girlfriend’s higher education. They failed to sustain the relationship because he felt inferior to her and rejected her to avoid feeling that way around her anymore, plus an unconscious need to lower her to a lower level.

But this isn’t something people boast about. No one will say, “You know, I’m too fearful, disorganized, or have difficulty attaching, and that’s why it’s hard for me to be in a relationship.”

However, even without it being verbalized, the character can be a reason why you were rejected at one point, and a change, or at least an attempt to change, is why they tried again with you.

For example, someone may decide to try to have a good relationship after therapy.

3. The distance created between you

Distance, in this case, is a positive thing, and if someone rejects you, it’s necessary to create it. It helps the person forget things they didn’t like about you and leave space for the reasons above (to change circumstances and character, perhaps). And don’t worry, the person will forget the past events between you because that’s how the brain works – it suppresses irrelevant and unpleasant information. It’s its way of maintaining optimism and not burdening itself with difficult things.

  • Usually, if you weren’t important to someone, because of the distance, they would forget the attempt between you.
  • If they didn’t like you, in that time they’d suppress unpleasant things
  • If you had bad first attempts, they’d turn them into something acceptable.
How to leave someone you love

*Of course, this doesn’t apply if you’ve threatened that person in any way; then their defense mechanism is to remember who you are so as not to get into an unpleasant situation again.

However, everything that isn’t drastic, like endangering someone, is usually suppressed, memories turn into something more acceptable, maturity brings new insights and assessments of the situation, and space opens up for new attempts.

That’s why it’s good to create distance for a few months so the person can forget why they didn’t choose you.

The greater the distance, the better the circumstances are for you. Don’t be afraid of the distance. It is important and useful for you.

Why We Are In Love With Someone – Psychological Explanation

4. What kind of offer you are to them

Man and woman on date 
but she rejected him

The hypothesis is that you were rejected because you weren’t a good enough offer for that person. Maybe you weren’t something a person prefers: not being enough into sports, not being confident enough, not being charismatic enough, etc.

Of course, there’s also the possibility that a person’s preferences change. They may value material things at one moment and spiritual things the next, or vice versa.
But, people change very slowly and with difficulty, so I wouldn’t count on it. Instead, if you want that person, become what they want.

If the person realizes that you’ve become a better offer for them, you may get another chance. As I mentioned in this post, people choose us based on their preferences.

However, even if they come back, we have another challenge: how to keep that person?

People often come back to see what’s going on with you.
If you’re the same as you were before, the person will do the same thing as before: leave.

That’s why it’s necessary to carefully consider and understand why you were rejected and to become or do the opposite. For example, if you were rejected because you didn’t exude strength, you obviously need to become stronger. If you were rejected because you were too extroverted, you must become the opposite.

Man and woman in love

The same goes for physical fitness and financial situation, but unfortunately, it also applies to the inner needs of the other person that you may not recognize.

It’s important to remember that it’s not enough for circumstances or you to change only briefly to win that person. In this case, Fake it till you make it doesn’t work. If that’s your plan, the person will think you’ve deceived them, and the second breakup is usually final.
To become attractive to that person, it’s necessary to fully adapt to new actions, values, changes, etc.

But here, I want to write one note:

I’m generally not a big fan of returning to people who have rejected us. From everything you’ve read so far, you can see that whether you’ll be with someone who has come back depends a lot on what that person wants, feels, and thinks, which is very difficult to understand if they haven’t been explicit.

  • If a person doesn’t show basic, fundamental interest in you (if who you are isn’t enough for them), you’re essentially starting from a deep deficit just to reach a basic level of interest (zero), let alone building something more. My warmest, most sincere advice is not to bother with people who aren’t even interested in you. Choose people with whom you have a solid starting point.
  • Another thing. Whatever the person wants, you may be able to become that person and practice that new role… but what if your sympathy wants the finished product? Someone who is already what they want.

Can someone fall in love with you after they reject you?

A person can fall in love with someone they previously rejected, but only:

  1. Under completely changed circumstances in their life, thus causing a change in them
  2. If you are completely changed,

Completely changed circumstances mean they have experienced their old lifestyle as bad and accepted new values.

Man and woman on date

This implies that a person has experienced some major disappointment or injury, and as a result, the values ​​from their previous life are unacceptable, and everything opposite of that is desirable.

However, this is a small chance because it implies a complete character change.

For example, if you were rejected because you were not wealthy enough, and the person wants a good lifestyle, of course, there is a possibility of disappointment in high society, spending money on material things, or going bankrupt and having to lower their standards, like Nicole Kidman in the movie Far and Away. But, the chances of that are slim, and it is more common for a person to try at all costs to return to their lifestyle.

It’s not just about the lifestyle but also about the character that primarily led to the person becoming like that and wanting such things.

Circumstances do change character, of course, but usually only when a person “hits rock bottom” and is forced to change because their character leads them into problems and dangers.

Couple breaking up

2 Psychological Reasons Behind Obsession After Rejection

I also said that a person can fall in love with you if you are completely changed.

You may become brave by being fearful, for example. Or from someone with little self-confidence to someone with a lot of self-confidence. And why not? There is a chance that the person will fall in love with you (obviously, changes must be either for the better or in line with what the person wants). These things happen.

However, do not forget that if you change, there is a huge chance that the person will no longer be interesting to you. Remember, they liked you when you were a different version of yourself. Then, you were complementary. When you become a new version of yourself, your tastes in people will change.

  • I remember a case of a guy who had been in love with the same girl since elementary school. She wasn’t interested in him because he was a simple boy, but when he proved to be very successful and resourceful in business, she fell in love with him. However, by then, he already had a wide choice of other women, and although he tried with his high school love because of his infatuation, he quickly got rid of her, and his fantasy fell apart.
Man and woman

The essence is that you will definitely become more attractive to that person if you change.

There is a danger of two things: the one I mentioned above (that she will stop being attractive to you) and the other, that she remembers you as that old version of you. In this second case, it will be necessary to maintain a compelling and persistent new image of yourself until you convince the person of it.

Don’t forget:

  • people, unfortunately, change their opinions about other people very slowly
  • they try to maintain their old opinion with evidence
  • they will convince themselves that the person in front of them is faking it, and they will also
  • people don’t like changes in relationship dynamics.

In the variant where they rejected you (the old you), you were a worse version of yourself, they were superior to you, and they probably weren’t interested. There is one more possibility why a person may not agree to your positive change: fear of retaliation for what they did to you.

Although your change may go unnoticed, it is still the best way to get someone who once rejected you back. This way, you will either get a new chance with your crush/object of fantasy, or new, much better opportunities will open up for you.

I hope this helped you. Dee

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