Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

Can Someone Who Loves You Cheat on You?

Warning: This article deals with human psychology. We do not romanticize or take sides; instead, we discuss the reality of why someone might cheat on the person they love.

Couple in fight because someone cheating

In short: Yes. People can think you are the most valuable person in the world, adore you, and be terrified of losing you… yet still cheat on you. This depends on human nature, which is influenced by three entities: the Id, the Ego, and the Superego. We will explain these three entities further down in the text.

To understand why your partner might have cheated, you first need to comprehend the inner psychological-emotional world of all humans, as it guides us towards fidelity or infidelity.

How Cheating Starts and What Happens Before Cheating

With their primal, primitive part of their minds, people are always making calculations. At some obscure level, in their assessment, they calculate what they will gain from any given situation.

And what they gain is not necessarily (and usually isn’t) practical in nature. Most often, it’s emotional-psychological, and people calculate what emotional-psychological benefit they will achieve.

Since we are emotional beings, and we live with our emotions all day, people must satisfy them, no matter how changeable, unstable, irrational, or dependent on circumstances and hormones they might be.

Humans strive to satisfy:

  • Their emotional world. Regardless of the fact that it does not take into account the time in front of them and how they will feel in a week or a month. And they will feel different.
  • Their Ego and maintain a good self-image. Boosting one’s Ego and self-worth. The impression of oneself is often more important than existence itself.
  • The need for entertainment. Whenever people are not in deep existential crises, they seek entertainment.

This leads us to the internal values by which a person lives.

Some people live according to the values of the Superego (honor and morality), and if they follow them, they will be satisfied. Others live according to the values of the Id (entertainment), and if they follow them, they will be happy. If they deviate from their values, they will feel they have failed.

  • For this text, it’s important to mention that everyone has both entities (Id and Superego) within them, and one always prevails. The ego decides who will win. People adjust this like a mixer, turning one down and the other up, and vice versa. It’s just a matter of when it will choose which.

Is It Worth Staying With a Cheater?

Couple in love

Why People Choose Fidelity

These are individuals who live by the principles of the Superego.

The Superego is the entity within us that calls upon honor, morality, ethics, life values, respect, etc. Essentially, values are greater than ourselves.

If such individuals (people who mostly live according to the principles of the superego) follow the Id (which seeks entertainment), they will quickly feel bad.

Since the principle of the Superego includes assessing the situation in advance, they can predict what will happen if they cheat on their partner.

For example, if a husband predicts that guilt will torment him, that his wife will leave him, or that he will create problems for himself—he will refrain from cheating. Given that the Superego is involved, this goes as far as thinking about betraying his principles, generations of honorable people behind him, tradition, faith, etc.

The Superego is comprehensive and considers everything. The past (traditions, the legacy left by the partner, etc.) and the future (what can be gained from the partner in the future and how he will feel if he breaks his own rules).

Do cheaters know what they have lost?

Three people talking

Why People Choose Infidelity

The Id is the entity within us that focuses on satisfying our needs and doesn’t think too much.

You can compare it to an animal, and it’s often compared to one in discussions. An animal has a need for a few things, and they mostly revolve around primitive needs. One of the things the Id satisfies is entertainment.

The Id doesn’t care about the future, the past, or moral values. It simply needs to satisfy its desires.

Therefore, people guided by the Id mostly don’t think; they follow the path of pleasure. As stated initially, these needs are psychological, emotional, and physical. The physical ones are easy to understand, but the emotional-psychological ones are very complex because they intertwine many things. Desires, frustrations, how we think things should be, what we were taught at home, etc.

The Ego manages these two entities and decides which path a person will take.

Why Do People Cheat?

Three people sitting

How Does This Relate to Cheating on Someone You Love?

As stated at the beginning, your partner may think you are the best person they have ever met. You have given them the most, that they want to provide you with the most, and that you are the best thing that has happened to them. But what they do doesn’t depend on what they think about you; it depends on what drives them: the Id or the Superego.

Think of it as a cat that can adore you but will do what it wants.

If someone is now wondering: If they love me, shouldn’t they be thinking about me? Shouldn’t they think of me when someone flirts with them or consider how I will feel if I find out about the cheating?

Wouldn’t it be logical to at least think about themselves, if not about me? To know they will lose me if they cheat, knowing how precious I am to them?

Again, we are back at the same point. The Superego thinks about the future and its consequences. The Id only satisfies its needs—practically without thinking (except about how to meet them).

So, both groups love you equally, but you fare better with the first group. The second group is more fun and exciting, but the chances of being cheated on are higher.

What Type of Person is More Likely to

Three women in profile

What’s Important to Know Is That

  • Both Entities (Id and Super-ego) Exist Within Us
  • Both can be trained.
  • Every day, we make hundreds of decisions between the two (Will I study or watch Netflix? Will I exercise or lie on the beach? Will I cheat on my partner or not?).
  • The decisions are somewhat conscious, but also somewhat automatic and unconscious. A person more driven by Id principles will always (automatically) choose to satisfy their needs and vice versa. A person who follows superego principles will always (automatically) choose to do the right thing.

I remember witnessing a group of kids in our neighborhood deciding whether to set off fireworks. Out of ten kids present, one boy told his younger sister: “We won’t,” and they just watched from the side.

Today, that man (since this was a long time ago) owns several companies. He has always chosen to follow the path of thoughtfulness, (which is not typical for young people. Young people usually follow the path of pleasure).

Two woman with sun glasses

For philosophical discussion, I will say that following the Id and the Superego ultimately means loving oneself.

The difference is that people who follow the Id love themselves so much that they take everything they can from life right now. If given the chance to go to a party, they will go. If allowed to sleep with someone they like, they will.

How Do Cheaters Feel?

People guided by superego principles love themselves so much that they think about their future and values ​​such as moral conscience. They use their present and past as parameters, in a way: “I have received so much from this person, and I expect to continue receiving a lot in the future, so it doesn’t pay off to lose them for a few moments of pleasure.”

It also doesn’t pay off to live with the condemnation of this person if they find out… and they will have to find out because my moral and ethical values dictate that I tell them. I couldn’t live with my conscience if I cheated on my partner.

What I mean to say is that love for oneself prevails in people. The only difference is in how it manifests, and based on that, the partner receives different treatment.

Finally, we can conclude that Yes, people can adore you and cheat on you. These are two different instances. In between lies the inner world and the way a person thinks.

Do cheaters know what they have lost?

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