Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

Can Someone Love You But Break Up With You?

The main reason someone loves you but breaks up with you is their unconscious mind. You might think this story isn’t essential, but it will clarify many mysteries of human nature and behavior.

Man and woman are sitting

A different approach, and probably the one you want to read about, is described in this article.

Why Would Someone Who Loves me Leave Me?

Entity No. 1: Our Unconscious Mind

I really recommend reading this article first to understand a little better how the conscious and unconscious mind work.

Example No. 1: Let’s say a person is terrified of intimate relationships. They come from a family where their mom and grandma instilled fears of personal relationships in them. Mom wasn’t happy with Dad, and neither was Grandma with Grandpa.

Example No. 2: Another person is terrified of life in general, unrelated to intimate relationships. Life is tough; you can always get hurt somehow. Don’t try new experiences, don’t travel, because anything can happen.

  • These are just examples; you can use anything here. Any character trait, need, belief, etc.
Black couple breaking up

Both beliefs are deeply ingrained in the person; our Unconscious Mind. Because of that, person is afraid. This unconscious part of us has been built over the years so that we can imagine it as solid and stable.

It’s built from millions of pieces of information (negative: relationships are no good, people will hurt you, life is terrifying, everyone is your enemy) (positive: life is good and easy, everyone will love you, you should be relaxed and happy, you’re brave and can solve everything, etc.).

The formula for calculating our Unconscious Mind is:
The person’s age x 365 days x how much information fits into one day.
Ultimately, it manifests as our formed personality, with ideas, needs, thoughts, etc.

So, in this case, in the unconscious part of themselves, the person is afraid of relationships.

What Is The Best Way to handle Rejection

Entity No. 2: Our Conscious Mind

Note: The whole conscious mind was formed much earlier, of course. Here I am talking exclusively about the conscious part of the mind that thinks about how to be an adult and get into a relationship. Also, this is an oversimplified explanation for the purposes of this article.

We will call it Relationship Conscious Mind

You can imagine Relationship Conscious Mind as a new, much smaller entity that wants a relationship with someone.

In our conscious part we always want the best for ourselves. Whoever you ask what they want for themselves, they will tell you: I want to be healthy, I want a good relationship, I want to be successful. So why aren’t they all successful, in good relationships, etc.?
Some of you will say it’s because not everyone had the same opportunity which is only partly true. We’re talking here about our impact on where and what we are.

In this case, we can say that not everyone is in successful relationships and not everyone is successful because we are not controlled by our conscious part but by our unconscious part.

Why does rejection hurt so much?

Ok, back to our Relationship Conscious Mind

It’s relatively weak because it originated in adolescence. In adolescence, a person begins to form as an adult and starts thinking about relationships and bonding. Our nature encourages us to find someone for ourselves, and our first attempts are through thinking, observing, and trying.

However, this part develops without guidance. No one tells us that we must find a partner for ourselves. There’s no absolute authority teaching us about it, like when we were little kids, unquestioningly believing to mother and father what to do and how to think.

Black couple breaking up

Although adolescence is a formative period (we’re forming as adults), it lags behind the first formative period by about 14 years (when we form as individuals. The ego (personality) is formed in the first three years of life).

For your formation as an adult, there are fewer examples around us to learn from.

Different people have different influences. When we were kids and forming our personalities, we primarily learned from parental figures. Now we choose the influences.

The person knew they wanted to bond but didn’t think much about it, except on a superficial level: I’d like to have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

So, in the conscious part of themselves, the person desires a relationship.

What Causes Obsession With a Certain Person

And here you are, Prince Charming or Prom Queen, and you’re open to love.

A man and a woman are sitting next to each other and breaking up

In the first few months, of course, everything went well in your and that person’s relationship. The person is very interested in the relationship. It’s a healthy and natural need to belong to someone. Due to that enthusiasm in those first few months, the part of the person which wants a relationship (Relationship Conscious Mind) is predominant and ready to bond.

Your presence, compatibility with person, hormones, excitement, your wonderful personality, and other factors provide additional fuel in the first few months.

However, after just two months, the hormonal status changes and the excitement about the new person diminishes, so the conscious part of us (the part of the person that wants a relationship) weakens. The fearful unconscious part of us is now again stronger and more pronounced.

Since this unconscious part of us has been built over the years, it’s dominant, so the fear of a relationship or life overall prevails.

Why do I want someone who doesn’t want me?

Black couple

Great things happen between you and your partner, but this predominant (Unconscious Mind) part wins out. And the person is constantly filled with fear.

Because the person fears a relationship or fears that things in life will go wrong, they must break up with you, fulfilling mommy and granny’s prediction that relationships are scary or that life is too dangerous to bother with love.

And because of this, the person leaves you; this fearful (Unconscious Mind) part of them, which governs them, has won.

You know the relationship was supposed to last, but it didn’t stand a chance against this predominant, unconscious part of the person.

What is the best way to gain self-confidence?

You simply don’t fit into their beliefs about love and the world.

The weaker part of them (the Relationship Conscious Mind) loves you and wants you around. It think you’re the best person in the world, and it admires you. But because of that predominant (Unconscious Mind) part of themselves, love is too scary for that person. These are imaginary fears, but they are valid for them.

After all, we all live with imaginary fears – neuroses. Because of these fears, the unconscious part has the need to end the relationship urgently. To break up with you.

For example, in No. 2, life is too frightening to engage in love. Moreover, in this case, you might somehow prove that life is scary. Let’s say you want to travel.

Couple sitting in caffee and breaking up

Of course, you can take any trait that is built into a person’s unconscious. Let’s say the person is spoiled, lazy, too social, lacks energy, lives for their hobby, has a close relationship with their mother or father (Oedipus and Electra complexes), believes there shouldn’t be children, doesn’t believe in marriage, loves their freedom, doesn’t want commitments, is focused on work… choose anything here. The background to this and where it comes from are other matters, but for the purposes of this article, this is sufficient.

Whatever you choose will outweigh the love the person feels for you because it’s the predominant part of them.

In a relationship, our long-built inner (Unconscious Mind) world will always win.

I took the influence of family as an example, but strong needs and beliefs can be built individually or under the influence of other people.

If, for instance, as teenagers, we watch a documentary about surfing in Australia. And we just want to be surfers. Later, when the ideal person comes into our lives and wants to get married and live in Indiana, we find it hard to give up our dream of surfing. Because it has developed piece by piece over time, the belief that we should be a surfer is prevalent. That belief is the predominant part of us, and it determines our needs in life. It adopts things, ideas, and people that align with them and rejects those that don’t.

Carl Gustav Jung said: People don’t have ideas; ideas have people.

No matter who comes along, their beauty and influence will not stand a chance because they last too short and require a change in the entire inner world, i.e., beliefs.

7 reasons why people who rejected you come back

Man and woman break up

So if someone leaves you and you know they love you, it’s because their inner world (their Unconscious Mind) has won and you didn’t fit their needs.

The conscious part of them might strongly desire you, think you’re the best person in the world, and admire you… but you need to know what lies within the person and what will ultimately prevail.

Remember: you can’t know what’s going on inside that person, and your weak influence might win out over the years by injecting new information and strengthening entity number 2 (Relationship Conscious Mind). But there’s no guarantee for this because entity number 1 (the Unconscious Mind) can be so significant and essential to the person that nothing can ever defeat it.

Love you. Dee

Some useful articles:

How Long After a Breakup Do You Feel Better?

How To Handle Rejection?

Why acceptance is one of the most important things in life

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

error: Content is protected !!