How our Unconscious Mind influences our Conscious Mind and determines whether we stay in a relationship. In the same way, it determines everything else in our lives.

This is the most simplified representation of the Conscious and Unconscious Mind. You can read more about it here: Psychodynamic Psychology

Suppression, Self-Control and Setting-Goals

Unconscious Part of Us

1. It originates from learning from our parents or caregivers (we’ll use parents as an example).
2. It may be related to our genetics
3. It is definitely related to transgenerational transmission of data, etc.
4. The data that we gather all around us is what creates it. These data are retained and remain in us in the form of the unconscious mind.
5. We learn from people who are constantly present. For example, parents.
6. What parents claim is embedded in our unconscious. But that is not the only influence.

• If parents say, Be kind – that’s true.
• If parents say, You should have a partner, that is good for you – that’s true.
• If they say Depression is part of life – that’s true.
• If they say Life is tough and scary – that’s true.
• If they fight – that’s what a partnership should look like.

7. We are formed by that (here you can imagine play-doh, and parents are one color of play-doh. Blue, for example. The more blue there is, the bluer we will be.

• The color blue stands for a vast amount of information—verbal, visual, experiences, etc.

8. Of course, besides parents, other members also participate in adding information later. Friends, neighbors, relatives, teachers, bystanders, and our personal experience of the world, etc.

9. These pieces of information embedded in us are significant, strong, and dominant because they have greatly influenced us (for example, if a friend at school tells us we are ugly – we will remember it and store it in our Unconscious Mind).

10. All this information is suppressed, stored, and forms our Unconscious Mind.

11. Our Unconscious Mind is thus formed from millions of pieces of information.

• Formula for calculating the Unconscious Mind part of ourselves: the person’s age x 365 days x how much information fits in one day.

12. The unconscious Minds controls our Conscious Mind because it’s made up of enormous pieces of information.

📌 This is a very simple explanation of the unconscious and subconscious, but the bottom line is that it carries millions of information about how things should be done.

What is the best way to gain self-confidence?

Conscious Part of Us

1. It emerges later. Up to 2 years: rudimentary awareness, between 2 and 4 years: self-awareness, 4-7 years: complex self-awareness, after 7 years cognitive and emotional awareness.

2. We knowingly receive and consider information.

• This is not easy. I like that person. That person is my friend. This person is my enemy, etc.
• My friend is a kind person.
• This couple has a beautiful romantic relationship- I want the same.
• Everyone around me is getting divorced and arguing – Romantic relationships are indeed not good.

3. In our consciousness, we pay attention to several dozen things at the same time and process them (I read somewhere that it is a maximum of 40 things, but I don’t know if that information is correct)

4. That information obviously changes, but the evaluation of that information is already influenced by the old information stored in our Unconscious Mind.

5. It can be said that these are our conscious choices. What we are rationally thinking about at this moment.

6. This information also flows into our Unconscious Mind, of course.

Information Which We Get

Good: You should be positive. Life is good. You should find a suitable partner. All problems are solvable. Don’t be afraid. You can find a good partner, etc.
Bad: Life is tough. People will hurt you. Partners are a danger. You should be afraid. There are no good relationships, etc.

The Unconscious Mind Controls the Conscious Mind

This is obviously about the fact that millions of pieces of information are stored in our Unconscious Mind. In our Conscious Mind, we deal with, as I said, only 40 pieces of information. The Unconscious Mind is much more powerful and dominant, obviously.

Scenarios:

1. If the Unconscious Mind contains good information (romantic relationships are good) + If the Conscious Mind contains good information (there are good partners) = love will prevail.

2. If the Unconscious contains good information (romantic relationships are good) + If the Conscious contains bad/wrong information (everyone is getting divorced these days) = the Unconscious Mind will prevail. It will be a bit harder, but the Unconscious Mind will win.

3. If the Unconscious Mind contains bad information (people will hurt you) + If the Conscious Mind contains good information (there are good partners) = the Unconscious Mind will prevail.

Establishing a good romantic relationship will be very difficult. It’s possible, but it isn’t easy, and it takes a long time to fill the conscious part of us with more positive information.

4. If the Unconscious Mind contains bad information (people will hurt you) + If the Conscious Mind contains bad information (everyone is getting divorced) = there’s literally no chance for love to prevail. Because we are convinced that it’s tough from childhood, and we have fresher evidence that it’s painful.

The only way to influence the unconscious part and change it is through the conscious part.

In fact: first through the conscious we need to absorb the information we want to be a part of us, incorporate it into the unconscious part of us (this happens spontaneously) and then it will return the information to the conscious part of us and manage us.

It is necessary to take in as much information as possible and think about it intensively.

Let’s say, if we are convinced that everyone is against us, it is necessary to convince ourselves that they are not, that people love us, that we are safe… and with enough of this information, it will flow into the unconscious, which will affect the conscious.
At first, when someone doesn’t smile at us, we’ll think: He doesn’t like me! But with time, information will come from our unconscious in our conscious: Maybe that person is just having a bad day and is not smiling. People accept and love us.

It is necessary to absorb and convince ourselves of a lot of new information that is more in line with our goals. Information will flow into our unconscious and change it over time.

I hope you find this blog post interesting… and I can’t tell you how useful it really is. Dee