Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

Do Cheaters Miss Their Ex?

Through this text, you will see that, in most cases, your ex-partner who cheated on you will miss you. We also offer suggestions on how to make your cheater miss you.

Three people. Do cheaters miss their ex

In short, emotions don’t change quickly, so if your cheater loved you, they will continue to love you, despite the cheating. That alone will make them miss you.
And whether they loved you depends on factors such as: how much time you spent together, how you behaved in the relationship, and what your relationship was like. We answer these questions in detail in the text.
Also, we cover a few more things, such as: what to do to start missing your cheater.

We must consider several factors to get an accurate answer to whether the cheater misses you.

How Cheating Starts and What Happens Before Cheating

What was your relationship like before the cheating?

If your relationship was decent (it doesn’t have to be great, harmonious, idyllic, full of love, etc., just decent), there is a strong chance that the cheater misses you.

Remember that humans strive to conserve energy. This aspect of us dates back to ancient times. Essentially, those who conserved more energy had a better chance of survival. Hence, energy conservation is one of the most crucial aspects of human behavior.

Couple. Man wants to come back in relationship

Why do I mention this? If we already have something good or solid, few will decide to look for something better or the best. Yes, people will cheat, but mainly to feel excitement, have fun, have the opportunity, etc., but they won’t decide to leave their partner even after cheating.

Most cheaters only seek temporary enjoyment and the feelings that come with it but do not want to leave something solid and explore other options. We all understand that things with other people may not turn out well, no matter how infatuated we are with them. People are complicated and complex and will show their dark sides over time.

Here, we come back to the energy point. After parting ways with their partner, the ex partner will hypothetically stay with the person they cheated with or search for something new.

Both scenarios require energy, time, and effort to establish a solid relationship again. Moreover, most attempts will fail.

  • Because people carry things within them that aren’t pleasant
  • Because as we age, it becomes harder to adapt to others
  • Self-destructive anger that the cheater may feel and use to destroy everything in front of them
  • Redemption to the partner – and not starting any new relationship in hopes that the partner will give another chance someday
  • Anger towards the person they had an affair with (shifting the blame from themselves to that person—for losing their partner)
  • A challenging adjustment period
  • Practical issues (moving out, divorce, division of belongings, friends…)
  • An emotional upheaval period due to the old partner
  • Habits, memories, and plans they had with you serve as daily reminders of what they’ve lost.

These are all reasons why most new relationship attempts fail.

Do Cheater Feel Guilty or Remorseful

Three people in the picture, the partner chose someone else

So, if your relationship is solid, the cheater will miss you for all these reasons. The cheater’s life has changed significantly, and they miss the habits they had with you, their life structure, and the things they had already accomplished with you.

The new person, with whom they still need to structure their lives, is likely to think differently from your ex-partner and is probably exhausting, which makes this situation worse.

We are all creatures of habit, and people who are part of our lives fall into that category.

Also, remember that your partner stayed with you because you suited them with your characteristics.

This brings us to the question:

How much time did you spend together?

If you spent a short time together, you probably already know without me telling you—that there’s nothing for the partner to miss. At most, they might miss your relationship’s potential, which depends on the partner’s imagination.

However, if you were in a short relationship, these are the parameters:

They would have left you if you weren’t what they wanted from a relationship. They wouldn’t have cheated on you.

Three people; cheating

However, since they didn’t go, the cheating happened for other reasons. Other reasons are immaturity or such personality. Neither is good because it means the person cannot think broadly, understand what they did, etc. Maturity implies awareness of consequences and seeing the bigger picture, and if the person is immature, they can’t do that. A personality that cheats is a matter of character and choice.

Why Do People Cheat?

This brings us to the conclusion that even if your cheater with whom you were for a short time, miss you a little, they miss you more because they saw some potential in you. Besides, due to immaturity and character, cheaters do not have a great capacity to think about other people, lost opportunities, the correctness of actions, and missing.

If you were with your partner for a long time, they 100% miss you, even if they stayed with the other person. And they 100% regret cheating on you.

Remember: you were together for a long time because you, as you are, suited the partner. Also, they cheated on you because they didn’t want to leave you.

Do Cheaters Ever Change

How you behaved in the relationship

Two woman talking

It is obviously an essential factor in whether your partner misses you. But here, I’ll write something controversial, as I often do in my posts, because human nature is contentious.

Before anything else, I emphasize that you will have the best chance with most people if you treat them well. In that case, you will be missed the most, even by your cheater. But…

Let’s say you behaved wonderfully. If you were the perfect partner, then it’s easy to assume your partner misses you. However, paradoxically, maybe they don’t miss you precisely because you were too good to them.

Or, if you misbehave towards your partner, one might think – there’s no chance they miss you. Then again, that partner may be desperate for how much he misses you.

However, this isn’t about behavior, but about what is acceptable or even attractive to a person, whether that’s good or bad treatment towards them.

Sexting, texting, flirting and other types of cheating

Couple sitting

To determine in this case whether your cheater miss you, the critical parameter is how long your partner (now ex) stayed with you.

Even if you behaved badly, if your partner stayed with you, it means your behavior was acceptable and probably attractive to them (if this surprises you, it shouldn’t. We are talking about the conscious and unconscious here. Read more about this at: Conscious and Unconscious Mind. Therefore, your cheater will miss you.

If you behave well and your partner stays with you, they will value your qualities as something they want in their life so that you will be missed by your cheater.

When your cheater won’t miss you:

  • If you were toxic in the relationship, more than they could tolerate.
  • If it lasted too long and created micro-traumas for the partner.
  • If it has been more than three months (in the first three months, even with toxicity, you might be missed).
  • If they met someone new who treats them much better.
  • If you didn’t bring anything significant to the relationship. For example, if you didn’t inspire your partner or give them a reason to make plans with you.
  • If you were overly demanding, critical, and didn’t appreciate your partner. So, you weren’t toxic but focused only on your needs, leaving your partner feeling insufficient.

Do cheaters know what they have lost?

Does your cheater still love you?

Three people are thinking

If a person stays with you, the things you bring to the relationship are good enough for them or even very significant. This means that the person loves what you get; in other words, they loves you. If the person loved you before cheating, the act of cheating alone won’t change their love… it might even increase it.

  • People love different things in different ways. They love the potential they have with someone, how they imagine that person, how they feel around that person, and more exact things like that person was genuinely great to them. This gives you the best chances.

I know people can’t reconcile these things in their heads: if the cheater loves me, why did they cheat? So, I wrote a detailed post about it Can Someone Who Love You Cheat on You, but in short, even if they cheat, people can love you.

Therefore, if someone stayed with you (didn’t want to leave you, but cheated on you), it probably means the cheater still loves you, even after cheating on you. Emotions do not change quickly and actions often do not affect emotions.

With whom did they cheat?

Three people talking about cheating

This can also affect how focused the person is on you and how much they miss you.

If your partner cheated on you with someone unremarkable or ordinary – the magic between them likely dissipated with your discovery and breakup. Simply put, the pain of losing you was more significant than the excitement of being with that person.

But if your partner cheated on you with someone who possesses, by their criteria, some exceptional qualities, then it’s possible they don’t miss you as much.

However, those qualities must be many (what people call “the complete package”) and need to last over time (which people often can’t maintain).

Admiration for a person lasts the longest, and if your partner is in awe of the person they cheated with, it probably means their thoughts are directed there.

But people are ordinary and can maintain admiration only briefly. Soon, they become simple, familiar, and tried.

So even if they cheated on you with someone exceptional, your partner might not miss you for a while while preoccupied with thoughts of that person, but once they “consume” enough of it – they will start missing you.

The Partner Chose Someone Else

What you can do to start being missed by the cheater

A beautiful woman smiling

1. Become a star on your social media. Even people who don’t use them Google their ex-partners, so they will look you up sooner or later. Become a star so they realize what they’ve lost. Let your social media exude beauty, fun, personal progress, and health (both mental and physical).

2. Become a star that people will talk about. Use your mutual friends to talk about you. I often hear from my clients how their mutual friends talk about their exes. An interesting insight. One might think that when people break up, they no longer know everything about each other, but my practice shows they still know everything that happens.

Woman in love

Therefore, always make an effort to send good messages to mutual acquaintances. Don’t despair in front of them, badmouth your ex-partner, or personally fall apart. People gravitate towards positive, progressive individuals, so if you want to be missed by your cheater, present yourself as positive and progressive. They will get the message.

3. Write them a letter in which you present yourself as someone wonderful—without anger or insults, just understanding and forgiveness. The goal of the letter is for your ex-partner to think: I lost this person, and they are so wonderful. They even understand and forgive my cheating. Who would do that?!

The second goal of the letter is to leave a better impression if you left a bad one after finding out about the cheating (maybe you insulted them, cried, despaired, threatened, etc.). The ex-partner can always cling to that last impression and say (to themselves) that they cheated because you are like that. However, this letter can serve as a last impression and remind the partner of who you are.

How to Keep Your Dignity in Relationship

When you encounter your ex-partner, be:

  • Smiling
  • Kind and charming
  • Well-dressed
Break up

The idea is that your ex-partner will perceive you again as someone wonderful and will be triggered by thoughts of what they’ve lost.

Don’t cross to the other side of the street, turn your head away, or insult your partner when you see them. Don’t do this if you want them to miss you later. I really don’t see what they would miss if you showed your worst side.

Also, don’t:

  • Show excitement when you see your ex-partner
  • Stay too long in conversation
  • Be overly emotional
  • Talk too much or brag
  • Arrange another meeting
  • Go for a drink or engage in sex/kissing, etc.

Remember, this could just be a way for your ex-partner to test your interest in them. And if something is easily attainable – it’s not something we can deeply desire or miss.

So, the score is in your favor, and the biggest indicator of whether someone misses you can be how long they stayed with you. Because the duration means your qualities suited them, and those qualities are what they will miss.


Therefore, if your cheating ex misses you, it’s very likely they spend their days thinking about you, Googling you, talking about you with close friends, and finding nights especially hard. As I said, the fact that someone cheated on you doesn’t change their emotional state.

Texts Worth Reading on This Topic:

Is It Worth Staying With a Cheater?

How to Get Back in a Relationship with Someone Who Cheated 1.

Relationship With Someone Who Cheated on You – How to Do It

When a Partner Tries to Return After Leaving You for Someone Else

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