Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

8 Facts That Will Change Your Mind About Sex

The purpose of this text is to give you some true angles about sex and to comfort you. Because wrong beliefs can keep you frustrated without any need.

Couple breaking up

1. There’s actually less Sex than commonly believed

It’s thought to be plentiful because it’s heavily promoted. However, sex is quite reminiscent of social media, where only what’s deemed suitable is showcased, as easily deciphered in the sentence: men who have sex proudly boast about it, while men who don’t remain silent, so even what you see isn’t entirely accurate.

There are many silent men; statistics say as much as eighty percent. They say that Pareto’s rule, which means that only twenty percent of men have eighty percent of women, can also be applied to sex. And it’s the same in reverse, i.e., twenty percent of women can have eighty percent of all men.

And here I’ll give you a hint unrelated to the topic: if you want a person for a long-term relationship and you’re looking for them on dating sites, maybe choose not-so-flashy people, because otherwise, you’re fighting for one man or one woman among eighty percent of other people present there.

A beautiful woman

But let’s talk for a moment about guys who are more attractive. Just because of their sexual attractiveness, which enables them to attract women and boosts their confidence, they are louder and spread that mythological portrayal of Sex, which frustrates many people in the process. Everyone has it except me.

However, all the buzz about there being a lot of sex among people primarily comes from Hollywood and entertainers because that industry is simply like that.

I obviously don’t want to hurt or offend anyone here, especially since I’m not making this up on the spot, but it comes from research. But actors and musicians perceive things more creatively; it’s part of their image—who they’re dating, breaking up with, making up with, and who’s paired with whom, etc.

Here’s another interesting fact about the amount of sex:. Most men think it happens as early as the third date, but the truth is in the third month.

2. Men envy each other about Sex

Handsome man with eyes closed

Married ones envy the single ones in terms of lucky them; they can find as many different partners as they want, while single ones envy the married ones in a way: lucky them, they have regular Sex. This is an exciting mystery to solve: whether married or single men have more sex.

But before I say that, I must say that men often don’t get married because of urban legends that, after they get married, women no longer want to sleep with their men. Someone said that wedding cake kills a woman’s libido.

The truth is that men in relationships or married couples actually have more Sex than single ones.

3. Sex is not a basic need.

Sex is something we want, not something we must have. What we want won’t harm us if we don’t get it, while what we need and must have can cause poorer physical and mental health. There is no evidence that sex is necessary, except evolutionarily for maintaining the species and spreading our genetic material.

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One of the proofs of this is that, at different stages of life, we desire sex more or less. If we needed it, we would always want it equally, like food and water, which leads us to interesting theories called satisfaction or adaptation theories. The satisfaction theory means that when we have enough of something, our desire for it decreases because we are satisfied. In contrast, the adaptation theory says that when something is lacking, we adapt.

Obviously and naturally, this differs between men and women.

Well. With men, the satisfaction theory mainly works so that when they have enough of it, they are satisfied, and therefore the need for it decreases. However, when they don’t have enough of it, they mostly don’t adapt but want more of it.

Black couple in love

With women, it’s different. Younger women behave the same as men, and after 30, they switch to adaptation mode; that is, if there’s no sex, they’ll adapt to it, and if there is, they’ll adapt to that too. For example, after they break up or their partner dies, women stop entirely thinking about sex, so if a woman tells you she really wants sex, maybe she doesn’t want just the act as much as someone’s love, attention, care, and so on.

To be clear, all this I’m talking about comes from scientific research, and some of it has involved hundreds of thousands of people. However, that still doesn’t mean that this research applies to everyone since everyone is somewhat different.

4. Male sexual desire has elements of addiction.

Handsome man

Surprise!

What do I mean by this? It’s that a man who has once slept with a woman, and even after they break up and he might even start to hate her, he still needs to sleep with her… which explains “Hate Sex” quite well.

  • Researchers obviously wonder where this comes from, and the answer seems to be in the species’ survival. They’re not entirely sure what’s going on, but since genes will survive if two parents take care of the child, it’s possible that something evolved to keep a man tied to a woman after there’s been sex—just to ensure the survival of offspring.

5. There’s something called male sexual frustration.

In short, women have an incomparably smaller sexual drive than men in every sense (they think about sex less, desire it less, engage in it less, have periods when they don’t want it at all, and so on), which leads to men always wanting more sex than they can have.

For example, precisely because they want it less, female sexual needs are always roughly satisfied and in line with what they want, while male sexual needs are consistently unmet.

Man after toxic relationship

Men not only need more sex but also different kinds of sex, which ultimately boils down to considerable dissatisfaction. But beware of this about male sexual frustration. You might think that when some men have enough regular sex,. if it’s good, they’ll be satisfied, but nope.

Some studies say it actually looks like this: when they don’t have it, they want it with anyone at least occasionally; when they have it occasionally, they want it regularly; when they have it regularly, they want it more; when they have it with the same person, they want different partners, and so on. As you can hear, a person can remain in this state of sexual dissatisfaction and spend their life in frustration.

And as someone said, desires are great when fulfilled, but when they’re not, they’re just hell and frustration.

This is why most older men, when asked if they would like their youthful sexual desire back, said they wouldn’t because it meant spending time in constant frustration.

An elderly couple

In any case, this male sexual frustration is a natural, evolutionary thing. It shouldn’t be judged too harshly since this topic is far more complex biologically, physiologically, psychologically, and so on.

But the fact is that it’s not necessary because one can live a happy life without sex, which, as I said, science has proven, and it won’t harm you in any way. This obviously also explains monogamy.

6. need for novelty is more of a male thing

Again, these are research and statistical matters and don’t have to apply to you.

However, according to research, the need for variations is a male thing… and someone described it as if a rooster mates with multiple hens, he’ll end up with more fertilized eggs. If a hen mates with multiple roosters, she still ends up with one fertilized egg, and thus, there’s no need for multiple partners.

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This spontaneously leads us to the conclusion that men seek diversity in Sex, while women, if they want various partners, primarily seek a better partner, not more… thus a better partner for extending their lineage. So much for cheating, for example.

There’s a big difference between the quantity of sex and the quality of sex, and they’re usually inversely related.

If a person has many different lovers, the chances of having good sex decrease for the simple reason that they don’t know each other well, and this is particularly important for women.

Women have a harder time experiencing orgasms when they have different partners who don’t know what they like… whereas for men, I mentioned their need for diversity, so if they manage to achieve it, they’re pleased.

A man and a woman lie next to each other

But let’s be clear: achieving diversity in sex is impossible and just a dream for many men. We said that only twenty percent of men have a lot of success in sex. They also have limited access to many women, so let’s say that only two percent of men can actually afford diverse sex.

At the same time, the rest are doomed to eternal sexual frustration because they didn’t get what they wanted: more sex, different partners, and so on.

8. Sex is a so-called hedonistic pleasure.

What does that mean? Like in everything, a person who manages to achieve pleasure feels good temporarily, but it doesn’t increase their happiness. People who manage to achieve the sex they want don’t stay satisfied for long. They’re satisfied briefly and then quickly return to their old mode, whether for pleasure or dissatisfaction.

I hope you find this article interesting. If you are interested in more articles on sex, read these:

Why do men and women think about sex differently
9 Reasons Why Sexual Desire Decreases
What Type Of Men Do Women Want?
How To Increase Sex Drive

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