These are very precise and detailed instructions on when and what messages to send after a breakup to get your ex to text you back. Under what conditions do these messages work, What can you expect, What kind of reaction will your ex-partner have etc.
How to get your ex to text you back?
You probably already know this, but it almost feels mandatory to say it anyway: There is no guarantee that you will get your ex back, nor is there a guarantee that you will get them back quickly, primarily through a text message.
I have provided suggestions for getting your ex back in these two posts:
A safer approach: How to get your ex back—11 detailed steps
A faster approach: The Fastest Way to Get Your Ex Back
I recommend reading them to give yourself a better chance if texting doesn’t yield quick results.
But for some partners who are eagerly awaiting your message, this can be a good approach. Read in the text under which conditions sending messages (to get your ex back fast) can be successful.
How to Know Does Your Ex Want You to Text Them
Although people often imagine that their ex immediately turns off all feelings when they break up, that is obviously impossible. Emotions usually fade slowly, which is most common, and over a long period. In this text Solution When the Partner Fell Out of Love With You?, you will find typical reasons why people’s feelings fade. If emotions disappear quickly, you are likely dealing with certain types of people and reasons: Why love suddenly disappear.
However, the truth is that even if you imagine that your ex has immediately cooled off and stopped thinking about you because you broke up, it is clearly not true.
When people break up, they actually think about each other even more intensely. Whether it’s because of an injury they’ve experienced, because they’re lonely, because the future has become uncertain, etc. But first of all, because people in most cases, don’t like to lose something of theirs. Also, a large number of people do not like change. The bottom line is that when ex-partners break up, they think about each other.
The prerequisites for this are:
- Your relationship lasted more than three months, ideally more than six.
- The relationship was generally functioning well.
- You had shared memories.
- You have mutual friends and do activities together.
Bonus prerequisites:
- You had plans together.
- You intended to get married.
However, even if these prerequisites are not met, your ex may still want you to send a message.
- If you were in a short relationship with potential but broke up before establishing a stable relationship.
- If you fought.
- If the relationship had potential but there was a misunderstanding.
This can be tricky to be sure of, as it largely depends on your personal sense of how interested your ex was in you. Be honest with yourself, and you will probably reach a conclusion.
But if these prerequisites are met, you can be quite sure that your ex is still thinking about you and thus wishes for reconciliation, meaning they want you to send a message. This leads us to the next instance:
Why Did You Break Up
Although this text isn’t about all the reasons for a breakup, you can read about them in this post How To Know When It’s Time To Break Up. The hypothesis here is that you either had a fight or a misunderstanding. If you want to read about who should reach out first, you can find more information in this text: Who Reaches Out First After an Argument? But since you are reading these lines, it indicates that you are more eager to get back together.
If you fought, even if you know your partner is 100% at fault, you need to understand that they believe you are 100% responsible for the breakup. I know, it’s strange. But that’s how the ego works, and I love talking about the ego. It always ensures we are right, even when the facts say otherwise. So, if you had a fight and your partner hasn’t reached out to smooth things over, they likely think you are to blame. Maybe they think you’re at fault for leaving when you fought. In their mind, you should have been loyal… Yes, people are peculiar.
That’s why, if you want your ex back, it’s best not to send that famous message immediately after the breakup.
Sudden Break Up With No Reason
Your Partner Broke Up With You—What Are Your Solutions?
So. how to get your ex back fast by text message?
When to Send a Message
You should texting your ex at least five days after the breakup, and you can extend this to ten days.
If your partner reacts harshly and attacks you for not reaching out sooner, it probably means they want to torment you or don’t even want to get back together. They just want to take it out on you. Remember, when people want something, they only dwell a little on the circumstances under which they get it. They care that the possibility of getting it has appeared. They don’t nitpick. So, after five days, your partner should feel relief, if not excitement, that you reached out.
If this doesn’t happen and they attack you… it’s usually not a good sign, as it indicates you have a quarrelsome, aggressive person in front of you who is ready to risk a permanent breakup. The essence is that ex-partners care more about arguing than not seeing you for days, wondering where you are and what you’re doing, etc. Don’t be with people who care more about fighting, taking it out on you, and attacking than about smoothing things.
If your ex-partner isn’t immediately thrilled when they receive your message, that’s okay. If you messed up, your ex-partner has the right to be angry at you for a while longer, so don’t pressure them. But read below to see what reactions you can expect.
Five days is enough for your ex-partner to contemplate everything and go through all the phases:
- I’m angry at you and focused on how much you hurt me
- Waiting for you to reach out
- I don’t care anymore
- Why haven’t you reached out yet?
Additional advice:
Even if you are 100% at fault, I recommend going through these five days so your ex partner’s anger can settle. We simply cannot sustain prolonged periods of anger and negative emotions because they cause us stress. Too much stress is harmful to our health. And for all the reasons mentioned above, positive feelings will sooner or later replace negative ones. So you will have a better chance even if you are to blame for the breakup, if you wait a little.
If you are 100% responsible for the breakup, it wouldn’t hurt to read this text: Can You Get Your Ex Back After Hurting Them?
The essence is that after five days, your ex-partner starts to wonder what’s happening with you and why you haven’t reached out.
After these five days, you can finally message your partner. But I must warn you that there are prerequisites for the message to be less effective.
Less chance of getting a positive response to your message:
If you see each other often. For example, at work or because you move in the same social circles. Remember that part of why a message should yield positive results is that your ex-partner wonders where you are and whether you’ve moved on with your life. If this is your case and you are forced to see each other often, I recommend not being friendly when you are together in a group. Then, try to be businesslike and uninterested so your partner still wonders if you’ve moved on. The message will then have a better effect.
What Is the Most Painful Stage of a Breakup?
Types of Messages You Can Send
Your messages should be positive, cooperative, and nonintrusive.
They should not be argumentative, pressuring, desperate, or pathetic. Do not blackmail your partner.
Additionally, in most cases, I do not recommend discussing the continuation of the relationship in these initial messages. That will come later; you’re just trying to reestablish communication right now.
1. Apologies and acknowledgment of mistakes.
In the post How To Get Your Ex Back After Hurting Them, you’ll find more details on what an apology should look like, but briefly express regret for what you did. Try to explain yourself without making excuses. It’s one thing to describe yourself and quite another to justify yourself because justifying yourself makes it seem like you’re leaving room for similar things to happen in the future.
2. Show interest in something currently happening in your partner’s life.
Did they have a conversation with their boss? How is their sick parent? Did they pass an exam or get a promotion? If there’s nothing specific to ask about, don’t send such messages.
- A message like “How are you? I hope everything’s okay with you. It would be nice to hear what’s new.” isn’t good because it’s bland. It doesn’t mean anything other than that you want contact with your partner. And if you’re going to give that impression, then craft a better message.
The idea is that this communication MUST evoke emotion, be positive, foster good feelings about you, etc.
- Another type of message you shouldn’t send is one in which you inquire about their life: “Hey! I hope you had a good day! It would be nice to hear your voice soon.” Again, the idea is that you want communication, not to please your partner, and your partner will sense this as a form of selfishness.
- Not much better are messages where you act as if you’re available for things they can do independently. You can send a message offering your help only if there’s a situation that only you can really help with. Then it appears as if you’re a friend, reasonable, and won’t let obstacles stop you from doing the right thing.
📌 If your partner has had a tough time, such as the death of a close family member or something emotionally challenging, you can send a message offering to talk. Such messages are sent more formally, but you never know; maybe the ex really wants to talk to you. In any case, such a message will leave a good impression, and sending it once a week is not a problem as long as that situation lasts.
Why You Feel Guilty About the Breakup
3. Memories
Although this should logically be sent after a more extended period, you can try it. These messages can be:
- Situational: “I’m passing by that theater where we watched…”
- Memories: “I just found the tickets from the concert we were at…”
- Random: “Do you remember when we talked/dreamed/planned…” The idea is to start a conversation your partner might find interesting enough to continue.
4. Funny messages, memes.
Creating positive emotions with a partner you’re in conflict with is always a good idea. It’s also convenient because it’s relatively benign and there’s no pressure. I recommend sending funny clips related to things your partner is interested in. If they’re into football, send them funny football clips, etc.
5. Something important for their life.
Such as something that can make their life easier or solve a problem. Examples include notes, contacts with certain people, etc.
6. Suggestions
If you find out something is happening in the city that might interest your partner, suggest going together. A concert, a game, a movie, etc.
Say you have tickets if the event requires them (you don’t need to be specific that you bought them just for your meeting) and invite your ex to accompany you. However, if they say they won’t go with you, please don’t be silly and give them the tickets to go with someone else.
You can also suggest something else significant enough to require future planning but small enough for your partner to agree to, such as a hike or attending a conference.
Sometimes, asking to meet with your partner is okay, but only if you know they are also inclined toward it.
For example, this will work well with a partner you had a minor fight with, and you know they’re eager to continue where you left off.
This will also work well with partners who don’t like messaging but prefer face-to-face meetings. Serious partners, those who are organizers and solve problems quickly, don’t have time to waste.
Why Break Up Is So Hard To Bear: Real Reasons
7. Manipulation
I don’t recommend it, but it works with some partners, such as those who like to take care of others.
Manipulation can involve needing help from your partner, or that you are looking for a partner to help you finish something. If you’re going this route, I suggest it be brief and lead to a physical meeting.
Another form of manipulation is offering to establish only a sexual relationship if the ex partner doesn’t want a relationship anymore. This is called manipulation because the goal is still to end up in a relationship sooner or later.
I warn you that any form of manipulation can end badly for you and may not yield good results.
Why Am I Holding Onto Someone Who Doesn’t Want Me?
Your Partner’s Reaction When You Send a Message
Arguing with you
If this is your case, you have a very specific character in front of you, and you need to seriously consider if you want to continue a relationship with such a person. You haven’t heard from each other for days, and your ex should have been worried about where you are, why you aren’t responding, and if it’s the end… but they decided to argue and attack you. Even though they risk not seeing you for a longer period and possibly losing you, it’s clear what matters most to them if this is their reaction.
Exceptions to the rule:
- If you’ve done the same thing for the hundredth time that your ex told you not to do – it’s possible they’re arguing out of frustration. In this case, you’ll need months of exemplary behavior to win them over.
- If you’re deliberately provoking your ex with the message and attacking them.
- If you sent an argumentative or offensive message.
In these cases, your partner is expected to argue. My recommendation is to really put on the brakes and calm your passions.
The Best Way To Make Someone Regret Leaving You
Point-scoring
“Aha! Now you’re reaching out.” or something similar where your partner acts like a winner. This might be a narcissistic personality that only cares about winning (not talking about NPD here, but about narcissistic personalities. There is a significant difference). You’ll recognize whether it’s a narcissistic or competitive personality by how they communicate. Neither is pleasant to live with, but both types can be managed, and you can find common ground. For instance, cooperative people tend to work well with them.
- Suggestion: continue messaging (under the same conditions. Don’t get annoyed), until your partner tires of this game and you get a chance to communicate normally and without passion about your relationship.
The response is calm
This can be dangerous even though it seems good. It could mean that your partner has thought about everything and concluded there’s no point in investing emotions in you and your relationship. They might have concluded that you’re unreasonable and there’s no future with you, so they no longer have the motivation to engage in your message exchange. This is recognized by your partner’s conciliatory, cold demeanor and not continuing the conversation. Also, not attempting to schedule another communication.
- Suggestion: If your partner has already decided there’s no future with you, some form of manipulation might be your only chance. I repeat the idea: Reach your partner to get a chance for a new beginning.
How To Make Your Ex Regret Leaving You
No response. The options are:
- The partner is really angry and doesn’t want to hear from you anymore.
- The partner is still angry but doesn’t want to make things worse while deciding what to do next.
In this case, don’t send more messages and don’t chase your partner for the next two weeks, maybe even a month. This behavior usually means your partner is still preoccupied with what happened and isn’t able to think about positive things. It’s necessary to give your partner space so that the event/argument fades into the background and memories, missing you, the need for you, sex, remembering your positive traits, and loneliness can do their job.
Positive Response, But No Signs That Your Partner Wants to Meet.
Can Someone Love You But Break Up With You?
Your partner, either:
- Has worked through everything and realized the relationship with you has no future or
- They are playing with you, so let them play until they suggest the next meeting or
- Has other commitments that prevent them from focusing on your love and potential reconciliation right now.
In these cases, behave in alignment with your partner’s actions. Don’t push, and don’t suggest meeting up. Since you don’t know the reasoning behind your partner’s behavior, it’s best not to “spoil their game or plans.” In this scenario, sending your ex funny things to make them smile is a good idea.
Positive responses
That include a meeting suggestion that won’t be mentioned because it’s clear that this is the most optimistic outcome. With such responses, it’s good to know what to do next, so I suggest reading these text: How To Improve Your Relationship.
This text has covered everything regarding quickly getting your partner back with the help of text messages.
It’s a good idea to mention again: the goal here is to establish communication, not to get back into the relationship tomorrow. So go slowly, don’t push (only in some cases, with highly cooperative people, for example, pressure might bring good results). Once you establish communication, read this text: How to get your ex back – 11 detailed steps
Good luck. Dee
