While this blog focuses on love life, these mechanisms can be applied to all unpleasant experiences in life. So, how do you act mature when you experience unpleasant experiences and emotions.
In short: To act maturely after rejection: Plan what you will do if someone rejects you, suppress your emotions on the spot, show self-control, turn everything into humor (if you can), don’t take it personally… The post has many good suggestions on how to proceed in order to appear mature, both to that person and to yourself.
If you want to appear mature after being rejected, here are your options:
- First, I’ll list things you can do even before the actual event to prepare yourself well for rejection and act maturely.
Before
If you have the opportunity:
1. Plan Ahead
Before going on a date with someone who might reject you, decide what you’ll do if that happens.
For example: If this person rejects me, I’ll smile and say _____. When the event itself happens, you need to stick to the planned scenario at that moment.
You’ll probably have an impulsive urge to react in a certain way; however, remember the planned scenario and act accordingly.
Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. Viktor E. Frankl
2 Psychological Reasons Behind Obsession After Rejection
2. Assume What Will Happen
Don’t put yourself in unnecessarily uncomfortable situations if you assume you don’t stand a chance with that person.
However, don’t let this hinder your actions either (especially if you know about yourself that you are prone to catastrophic scenarios and that they prevent you from moving forward in life). Stick to realistic scenarios; if they’re even slightly optimistic, go for what you want. But if you know you’ll be rejected because the person notably values some traits you don’t possess, don’t subject yourself to it.
Another benefit of assumption is that you might not like that person if you take a good look at them.
When considering a romantic interest, it’s important to assess their qualities and how they align with your lifestyle and plans. The process involves a realistic assessment of the person, followed by assumptions about what a relationship with them might entail, and then deciding whether to approach them.
In this way, you will save yourself from being rejected by people who are not really compatible with you.
Why We Are In Love With Someone – Psychological Explanation
If a person rejects you in a cultural way:
A good sentence would be: Too bad for me. You seem like a great person to me. If you change your mind, look for me. You can give that person a phone number or social media contact.
In this way, you simultaneously achieve to show your “modesty” and to give the person a compliment, but above all, you achieve turning/ diverting attention from the topic of rejection. And drawing attention to the fact that you are actually not vain, that you are mature, that you are not easily offended, that you are stable and playful—all in all, that you are totally cool.
If a person rejects you in an uncultured way:
Smile and move away from them with just one OK. Someone who behaves like that is uncultured, and there is no room for maneuver. Uncultured people have a lack of culture in their skin. So you have in front of you a person who speaks at that level, does well at that level, and that level is close to them.
You have to think about them through the prism: I have an uncultured person in front of me, so the conclusion is self-imposed—nothing works with such people. Moving away is the only option.
In addition, they and their behavior should not be given any more attention.
Can a Person Who Rejected You Change Their Mind
On the spot
1. Suppress Your Emotions
Maturity is mainly related to the ego mechanism, which we call suppression.
People often confuse suppression with repression, but they’re different.
With repression, disturbing content is pushed out of consciousness, so it no longer disturbs us. With suppression, disturbing content is set aside to be faced later.
So, whatever emotion overwhelms you, don’t express it on the spot but deal with it later in private or with a trusted individual.
Of course, later, you can face the emotion you experienced with the help of other mechanisms.
2. Show Good Self-Control
Suppressing emotional impulses. Self-control means that if someone rejects you, you won’t show anger, sadness, or disappointment; instead, you will show indifference. For persuasiveness, I recommend optimistic indifference: a smile and a shrug. You can read more about how to behave on the spot in this text.
But if you can’t be cheerful, try not to show negative emotions.
3. Turn Everything Into Humor if You Can
Humor is a good suggestion, but skip it if you don’t like it.
If you’re witty, you can turn that situation into a funny event in front of that person. You can say something funny or make a joke out of it.
This will make you appear mature because maturity has much to do with our ability to not take things personally and not let things we don’t like affect our ego.
- Later, when you’re alone, try to look at the whole situation with a dose of humor. Why is it funny that something happened to you? If you manage to find a humorous angle, the entire situation will no longer seem so tragic to you.
4. Accept that someone rejected you
Literally say: okay, and continue with your current activity. Whether it’s drinking, walking, watching a movie, or dancing (whatever you’re doing at that moment). Don’t linger on that meeting for too long if you have the opportunity. Another half an hour would be a maximum.
Try to divert your thoughts and attention from that event. Maybe you should leave now to court someone else? You are definitely not obligated to that person who rejected you. You owe her nothing, and you are no less moral if you move on immediately.
- After all, maybe it’s not a bad thing to show them that they are not that special (which they aren’t and can’t be if they don’t want you)
But before you leave, accept what happened. Things that are unchangeable at this moment must be accepted as they are. If you accept that someone doesn’t want you, it will help you not to experience many other unpleasant states and emotions—stress, anxiety, anger, etc.
Acceptance as a mechanism is related to the most mature people, but I believe in you. You can read more about acceptance here.
5. Don’t Take It Personally
You see, it’s almost certainly not about you.
People carry a bunch of things in their heads. Some are in love with someone else, some have such a performance as a defense mechanism, and some don’t have time for love now… there are so many of their personal reasons why they rejected someone that there’s no need to think that it’s because of you.
It is much less likely that someone will reject you because of you than because of their personal reasons.
At the end of the day: always play to your advantage. Never think badly about yourself when you can think of something that doesn’t hurt you, (and anyway, you don’t know the background reasons why someone rejected you. Why torture yourself?)
What You Can Do After Rejection to Appear Mature
You can send a message to that person expressing regret for their rejection, but as far as you’re concerned, everything is okay. This isn’t mandatory, but it’s an option.
- Of course, if the person was polite when rejecting you, if you have their number, and if you will stay in contact with them.
- Don’t show regret for asking that person! Not. Don’t act like you made a mistake. Now is the time for dignity and to show that you are confident in your actions.
This is so that you can continue that contact on some basis in the future.
Why Do I Still Have Feelings For Someone Who Rejected Me?
After that, my suggestions are:
If you’re emotional, stop contacting that person for a while.
If you’re not emotional or you’re forced to be in their company, continue behaving as if that event never happened. Be cheerful when you’re around that person. If necessary, pretend that you’re genuinely fine and that everything is okay. You can even tease the person a little to show that you are still ok.
In any case, it’s good to put that person in a less significant place in your mind after being rejected. There’s no point in holding someone who doesn’t want you in a prominent place within yourself. Essential places in your life are reserved for people who actively want to participate in it.
It’s good for you to analyze yourself after rejection and understand the emotions you experienced. Did this rejection trigger something in you that shouldn’t be there? Feelings of inadequacy, rejection, and a negative self-image. If so, it’s a good idea to analyze where this comes from or seek advice from a psychology counselor to help you resolve it.
Make an effort to spend time with your friends and trusted people. Being in the company makes us feel safe, especially since we’ve just experienced rejection.
Turn being rejected into something good for yourself. Create something, work on something, and learn something new. This is mostly about diverting attention and focusing on something new. The bonus is your personal progress.
Prove yourself, first to yourself, then to others, and then to that person. Show that they couldn’t break you. Do things for yourself that will make you proud, but also let that person know you’re only on the path of progress. Not broken and slowed down by their rejection.
Finally, Patience
I personally don’t believe too much in the idea that things end the moment we first try them. I interpret the first attempts as just the beginning, never the end. After the first attempt, a person can get a second chance or even several chances with the same crush. Patience is crucial for this mindset.
Of course, I only say this if you find the person extremely interesting.
- Never waste your time on people.
- Give it only to people who ennoble you and give back to you.
But I said this because people often give up too soon, after the first attempt.
Situations change, circumstances change, and people change. And for that reason, if you find the person extremely interesting, try a few more times. Maybe you will succeed in your plan.
We should be aware that we don’t always get things when we want them, but sometimes we must be patient and wait for the right time.
Also, patience applies to our lives apart from that person. For example, if you haven’t found a partner at this moment, you need to be patient and not panic. There’s plenty of life ahead of you, so you are still determining when you’ll achieve what you want.
Don’ts:
- Make plans that involve that person.
- Make plans around that person (they’re going to a concert—I’ll go too, etc.)
- Make plans with that person.
- Try to spend time with that person and insert yourself into their company.
- Pretend to be a friend or helper, a confidant, or a shoulder to cry on.
- Put your life on hold.
- Be persistent or pushy.
