Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

How Do You Know When It’s Over?

There are six traditional reasons people break up, seven that I think should probably be considered as reasons for breaking up, and four that are fixable. Which one is yours?

How to Successfully Overcome rejection

Six traditionally recommended reasons to end a relationship: alcoholism, violence (verbal, psychological, physical, and emotional), gambling, cheating, pathological lying, and financial problems for which the partner is responsible.

There’s likely no room for change if you’re experiencing any of these.

But let’s talk also about some other reasons for breaking up.

Alcoholism, gambling, cheating, and pathological lying are behaviors associated with an addictive personality type. Considering that it is still not well known whether it is possible to completely change this type, we must stick to the fact that they are difficult to change in any case.

Violence is linked to immature narcissism and acting out, sadism, aggression issues, impulsive behavior, and many other characteristics of an altered personality.

Couple breaking up on street

These behaviors are deeply ingrained in the personality because they are often associated with childhood trauma. Therefore, psychotherapy is needed, and to get to psychotherapy, their decision is required. If a partner hasn’t decided they want to change, your relationship will either remain the same or deteriorate over time.

It might be useful to mention that we don’t know when it’s over, but we can decide for some reasons that a relationship is over.

How To Recognize Hidden Toxicity in Relationships?

Other reasons for breaking up:

Disrespect – Outward expression of what they think of you

Disrespect is a typical relationship between an inferior and a superior, and it can flow from both sides. The background of disrespect is that a person, for some reason, needs to humiliate you in their head.

It is possible that the person feels inferior next to you or that they cannot direct active aggression (anger, argument, etc.) towards you, so they resort to passive aggression to express their dissatisfaction.

Another option is that the person thinks you are much weaker than them and openly shows you what they think of you through disrespect.

Disrespect includes ignoring your needs and desires, mocking you, gossiping about you with others, and sabotaging you. How to protect yourself from toxicity in relationships

  • Note that disrespect must be something that most people around you would agree is disrespect (or at least your advisor). Here, you have to be careful (and even better advised) not to misjudge what disrespect is for you because there’s a chance you’re oversensitive.

If your partner disrespects you or your relationship, there’s little chance they’ll be “persuaded” to change their mind. Remember: They chose to see you in a certain way, so it’s not about the outward expression, (which is what most people do: Respect me! Don’t insult me!) but the reasons why they see you that way.

The point is that you should not work on reducing the disrespect, but on changing the person’s opinion about you. Until the person changes the way they see you, there will be no change in the way he treats you.

Mismatched values – Because our values ​​are part of our identity

Man and woman breaking up

Values are ingrained and often come from early childhood. They have been forced for a long time (whole life), and may be linked to family traditions, etc.

Let’s say you believe that education or honesty are essential, but your partner doesn’t think so.

Everyone will push their own, and in the long run, such a relationship will be complex and full of disagreements and fights.

People believe in their values, need them, and don’t give them up, even with strong arguments. The obstacle to changing values ​​is that they are usually part of their identity at the same time.

Only if they want to change some of their values, or if some authority manages to reach them, will they abandon them and join you. Values are impossible to change if the partner doesn’t want to change them.

Why does a person have to go through bad relationships till they meet “the one”?

Different life goals

It’s like entering two different addresses in your navigation.

Let’s say you want to move, and your partner doesn’t. Or you don’t want to develop a business, but your partner does. Everyone will pull in their own direction, anger, or frustrate the other person. If a common direction isn’t found, both of you will suffer, stagnate, and argue when someone goes their own way.

It’s also possible that partners will sabotage each other because one goal prevents the fulfillment of another.

Ultimately, you’ll either separate anyway because you won’t have the same interests (or conversationalist, support, etc.), or at least one person will be unhappy.

  • Of course, it is an option for one partner to lean on the other, but this is done exactly in a prescribed way. Otherwise, that (leaning) side will be unhappy.

Lack of emotional support – The meaning of a relationship is closeness

Attractive man sitting

If you feel alone and can’t talk to anyone about your fears or what bothers you, that’s a good reason to leave the relationship.

The need for closeness is one of the basic human needs, so if you’re not fulfilling it with your partner, you’re suffering at a deep human level. Each of us needs at least one person for closeness.

Obviously, the problem here is that the present partner, who doesn’t provide us with closeness, prevents us from achieving it with someone else.

  • It is interesting that this can develop in people if they want to change themselves in such a way. So this is not done because of others, but because someone wants to develop empathy, compassion, understanding, a sense of belonging, etc.

But I emphasize: before you declare that you are not close to someone, check if you’re causing it yourself.

Can unhealthy relationships become healthy?

Lack of time and attention – You’re in a relationship so you won’t be alone

The point of a relationship is for two people to devote themselves to each other more than others, so a lack of time and attention for a partner means the exact opposite of a relationship.

Friends, family, parents, and colleagues may not have time and attention for us.

If you are with someone who doesn’t have time for you (without you agreeing to do so), you are probably serving a purpose for that person (to meet social norms, for sex, when she or he is bored, etc.) So that person is not with you for emotional love reasons, but for some reason.

  • Note 1.: Some people may love you just because you leave them alone. So those are love reasons again. If you have such a person next to you, accept it.
    After all, what we like about people is what they give us.
  • Note 2.: It absolutely does not count if the person is preoccupied with some important things and if you have agreed that it is okay for them to dedicate some part of their life to them.

What are the qualities of a good partner?

Irreconcilable characters

Man and woman are fighting

Characters are practically unchangeable. Some characteristics can change, but overall, characters cannot.

Character is something that is formed from the first day of our lives (despite the fact that we still don’t know what we were born with. For now, the assumption is that we are born with a certain amount of energy and temperament, and that everything else can be innate or learned).

The bottom line is that something that took so long to form is hard to dismantle. However, it is much easier to change certain characteristics because we are focused on only one thing and one change.

If you have an opposite character from another person and they can’t function together, you’ll annoy each other. An extrovert’s nature might irritate an introvert, and a brave person might frighten a fearful person.

There’s a possibility of finding a compromise between characters. To allow the partner to be what they want and to do what’s in their nature is, we need to be very mature.

How To Leave Someone You Love But Is Toxic

Reasons that people give as valid for breaking up but in my opinion, are fixable:

Loss of passion and romance

  1. People expect that romance is spontaneous and that one partner should take care of it.
  2. They don’t know exactly what romance means to them.
  3. They equate romance with what they see framed in romantic movies.
  4. Also, people confuse the need for romance with the need to feel in love or excited.

We must first understand what romance means to us and then ask for it from our partner or create it for us and them.

Man and woman break up

The problem is that people see it as a lack of romance. If they have to tell their partner what they want. But look at that road? If you go that route and don’t want to tell your partner what you need, that’s the road to failure.

Although it’s not ideal, if you tell your partner what you want – you have a chance to save your relationship and create some romance within it. If you just wait and say nothing, you will accumulate frustration and the breakup of the relationship is almost certain.

And there are several valid reasons why your partner can’t know what you need:

  • They are not creative
  • They doesn’t have time
  • They have some problems of their own, so there’s no room for romance,
  • They are too afraid to do something on their own, etc.

Don’t be stubborn. Help your partner make you happy 😊. Tell them what you want, or you can do it for both of you. At the same time, find a way to turn it in your head into a romantic experience, a funny experience (when you explain to your partner what you want), a seductive experience, a passionate one, etc.

  • Remember: romance presented in Hollywood movies is scripted, the best parts of that event are extracted, and we don’t get to see anything that happened before or around that romantic event. Also, it’s romantic for someone else. It doesn’t necessarily have to be for you.

Passion is a bit trickier. We usually feel it toward something mysterious, and we can’t easily have it, i.e., we’re uncertain about it. Towards something that matches our inner erotic needs.

But we are also passionate about things we find extremely valuable, so maybe that’s your path: start seeing your partner as extremely valuable. And yes, psychologically speaking, it is possible. Passion operates partially at a hormonal level, so I’ll write more about it in the future, but until then, a little more about it is in this text.

Psychologically Proven Qualities That Make You Instantly Likeable | 1.

Lack of communication

Black couple breaking up

Communication can be worked on if you want to save that relationship.

Remember: Communication is learned.

For people who did not have the opportunity to learn how to communicate (they did not have a role model in their parents or environment), there are different ways to master the art of good communication. There are courses and training for good communication, so no one expects you to become a good communicator by birth.

It is not fair to expect anyone to be a good communicator, especially since the ability to communicate depends greatly on how communication is done in the family. It’s okay to ask a person to get better at it or help them get better at it.

Communication is a skill, as is listening. So to communicate well with a partner, learn how to do it.

  • Of course, the prerequisite is that you want to communicate well with your partner.

Am I in a Toxic Relationship?

Sexual problems

70% of sexual problems are psychological in nature, and 30% are physiological. Sexuality differs in men and women, so I recommend reading these articles:

8 Facts About Sex
Why Do Men and Women Think About Sex Differently
9 Reasons Why Sexual Desire Decreases
What Type Of Men Do Women Want?
How To Increase Sex Drive

In short, a few facts that are worth knowing:

  • Couples who maintain regular sex are happier together due to the secretion of happiness hormones. These hormones are secreted precisely to maintain sexual relations, that is, to prolong the species.
  • Women usually sleep with the men they consider the best. If you are a man – try to become what a woman is. If you are a woman, try to see your man as the best.
  • Sex becomes better when you personally have enthusiasm for it.
  • You can raise the sexual tension all day to get good sex at the end.

External pressure

Group of people

Our partnership should be the safest fortress in the world, where we are untouchable and find our security, strength, comfort, etc.

If external factors affect our relationship, it’s not good because external factors can be considered hostile factors. If they breach our fortress, it means we have no security anywhere.

That’s why, whatever happens externally, we should protect our relationship from it.

Both you and your partner should make sure that the relationship is not influenced by external factors. No matter if you have an external advisor and if you think he is a brilliant person.

The only adequate external advisor is: a person you trust, who you know is smart, who is completely impartial, who keeps their life good and successful, and who has no bad intentions.

So to summarize: Your relationship serves precisely to protect both of you (you and your partner) from outside influences, not to let them into you.
External influences are something we fight against together, not something we allow to destroy us.

And a final word:

Maybe some of these reasons seem valid for breaking up, and maybe not. And that’s okay. Because no one, not even me, should tell you whether to end your relationship or not.
Only you know how you feel in that relationship and whether you participate in that dynamic. You should also take into account what your partner brings to you, and when all the factors are added up, only then can you decide.

But as you hear, in the end, whether you stay in the relationship or end it, it will depend on your decision. Your decision is crucial, whether it’s for one side or the other.

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