Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

How To Avoid Getting Too Attached to Someone

Understanding the practical and emotional-psychological reasons will help you avoid getting too attached to a person. But if you are already attached, there is a solution for that too.

Man attached for woman

Reasons for attachment

1. Practical reasons for attachment:

Your partner fulfills something significant to you. It could be solving your loneliness, embodying something you’ve always desired, enabling a more regular sexual life, or providing financial security, etc.

You get attached too quickly to partners because they (finally) bring something you’ve wanted for so long. And then you recognize that he or she will give it to you. Also, that’s why it’s important to keep them and start investing in that relationship even more (energy, effort, finances, etc.), and because of that, that person becomes even more important very quickly. You invested a lot in that relationship.

Everything we invest in becomes important.

Why We Are In Love With Someone – Psychological Explanation

2. Emotional-psychological reasons for attachment:

Internal factors can also be responsible for why you’ve become attached to your partner. For instance, you may have found someone who closely resembles someone from your childhood, exhibiting similar traits as your father or mother.

A man and a woman lie next to each other; attachment stile

I like to say that people get another chance with a similar person—a chance for something beautiful or a chance for a retest (if you haven’t had the opportunity to resolve issues with your parents). If you’ve got a chance for something beautiful, you probably don’t need to seek solutions in this blog. If you have a chance for a retest, then keep reading.

Resolution for practical reasons

It’s essential for a person to understand what the partner fulfills or provides and to realize that these needs can be met elsewhere. Regardless of whether they actively seek alternatives, the essence is for the person to stop turning their partner into an institution. And a thought: An institution alone can provide what you want, and no one else can.

The partner is not exclusive. He or she simply provides something essential to you, thereby increasing their real value.

You need to find a way to provide yourself with what you want so much. And not for them to be your only source of that.

But let’s understand each other: Of course, we need people who bring something to our lives, but it is necessary that they connect well with us.

Concerning emotional-psychological reasons for attachment

Man and woman with bad attachment style

You must understand that with the same or similar personality types, you cannot achieve different results.

Consider this example: You found a cold person because their coldness reminds you of your mother, for instance. You’ve become attached to them, subconsciously desiring a warmer relationship with them. The fact is, you cannot achieve a different outcome on this retake. Coldness is part of their character. So with similar characters, you will always get a similar result.

My advice is to check if you’ve become attached to someone because their character resembles someone with whom you have “unfinished business” and understand that dynamic. The person isn’t so special; he or she simply gives you an opportunity to finally correct something that has troubled you for a long time. Probably from childhood.

Our inner being is naive and connects things in this way: a similar person is my new opportunity to correct something that hurts me and make it stop hurting.

Man and woman in relationship

We believe that the person who caused our pain is the only one who can ease it, so when we no longer have a chance to do so with them (because the dynamic repeats with them), we look for someone who is similar to:

  1. We repeat those internal cycles/habits.
  2. To get the opportunity to resolve that dynamic with a better outcome.
    We want a similar person to love and accept us, for example.

If you diagnose such a problem or reason for attachment in yourself, my recommendation is to consult with a psychotherapist and undergo a process of resolving these emotional and psychological pains rather than seeking new objects to solve them.

Because the same people always yield the same results.

What Causes Obsession With a Certain Person

Dee

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