Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

How To Deal With Rejection and Successfully Overcome It

This is one atypical suggestion on how to deal with rejection, but one that really works in your favor. It might be a little unfair to the other side, but the idea is to get you better as quickly as possible.

Black-woman-thinking-How-To-Deal-With-Rejection

Why We Are In Love With Someone – Psychological Explanation

Our ego cannot bear rejection. This doesn’t apply solely to romantic relationships but also extends to friendships, exclusion from a group, family relationships, and workplace rejections (not being included in projects, layoffs, etc.). Today we will be dealing with the psychological aspects of rejection and how to best cope with and handle it.

Following this analogy, we can say that it wasn’t so much about that specific person but rather the feeling of rejection that emerged within us.

A beautiful woman sitting

Let’s consider those who rejected us. We will assume that some of you were involved with truly remarkable and unique individuals, not easily found. The thought that these extraordinary people rejected you might now be unbearable. We will never find another person like that extraordinary person again.

But you see, I would never go against myself in favor of others, especially when the situation is irreparable. I would never leave something unfinished to torment me forever (like the thought that I’ve lost a person I can never find again). Particularly to prevent such lifelong self-torment, you have something very powerful at your disposal. And that is the fact that all people, even the most perfect ones, have their flaws.

Attractive man sitting

It is particularly interesting to think about this topic in this way: People who strive for perfection or have succeeded in reaching it, have their own reasons for doing so.

In that case, it is fun and useful to think: What are their reasons for striving for perfection so much?

Without speculating, let’s acknowledge that we all have imperfections. And if we know that everyone has something not so lovely in their character, we can assume that these flaws will eventually come to light. And it is possible that we will not like their flaws.

So the first step is: imagine or presume their flaws. From there, you can be creative.

  • The goal is: Not to torment yourself with self-blame for the rest of your life
  • The process is: Discover (recognize, devise…) potential flaws of that person (which you’ve probably already sensed)
  • The continuation is: Engage in that narrative… Stick to that narrative whenever the thought crosses your mind: I miss this person…

How To Handle Rejection?

And if you can’t find them, assume them and ease your life based on those assumptions. This approach is more realistic than your idealization, and you can take it as you please.

  • And even though a certain percentage of you might be ready to write me letters on this topic, like, “This is fabrication!”. But fabrication is considering the person you’ve idealized as perfect.

If you are reading this text because you’ve experienced rejection at work, the same holds true for a job. Even the best jobs you’ve chosen have their drawbacks – ask the people who have left them.

Understand yourself and how you feel when you are rejected

Practically everyone has experienced rejection in life. And now, the person who rejected you is insignificant (even though it seemed challenging to overcome in the beginning). This obviously leads us to the only logical conclusion: that person was, in fact, always irrelevant. And the reason we suffered so deeply for them lies within us, not tied to them. Therefore, the time has come to address that issue: why is it so difficult for us to experience rejection or not receive someone’s acceptance?

There are several different reasons for such a thing, and each one needs to be unearthed from an individual. For what this text can cover, we’ll mention two opposing variants:

  1. The first is that no one has ever done this to us in life, and now we’re in shock.
  2. The second variant is that we can’t accept being rejected because it has happened to us too many times in life.
How to Successfully Overcome rejection

People who have never been rejected

The simplest explanation for this first variant is that it is a consequence of misguided parenting, where a child has never experienced even the semblance of real life. The truth is, in its long duration, life is full of unpleasant things (rejections, criticism, belittlement, aggression, exploitation, etc.).

Let’s say everything in the family went very well, and the parents were exceptionally mature individuals who didn’t want to expose the child to unnecessary trauma. Still, it turned into a disservice to the child (later, the grown person). Because life will forever expose us to unnecessary traumas and unfair relationships.

Woman Successfully Overcome rejection

Moreover, growing up in such a way makes a person usually good, easygoing, and naive, so they often, by inertia, go with the idea: “Let’s fix things. Things should work for everyone. They’ve always worked in my family.” And then they try to do everything necessary for the other person to be satisfied with them and stay with them.

But often, it doesn’t work.

  • People come from different backgrounds and bring different micro and macro traumas that have marked them, so they don’t necessarily have the ability to change.
  • Such people can usually only be bothered by their partner’s naive attempt to change them. Besides, precisely because of these changes in them – it is a good question what they want from their partner. They may not want a functional or stable relationship. Maybe part of them is that they don’t want a partnership at all.

In any case, people who come from too-protected environments where they have never been rejected, in addition to the hurt of being rejected, also experience misunderstanding or shock: Why was I rejected?

In addition to the misunderstanding of the situation and the shock experienced by the ego, from which the person has difficulty recovering, it puts a person in a particularly vulnerable situation. In this world, my abilities are useless, and other people don’t need what I am.

  • Note: This is incomparably more common than you think.
  • Unfortunately, not every problem can be solved through conversation. Sometimes it’s just not enough to be patient. Sometimes, when you are good, others are not good to you.
Woman Successfully Overcome rejection

Why does rejection hurt so much?

People who have been rejected too many times

The second category of people who have a hard time with rejection are those who have been rejected or unrecognized, criticized, or hurt too many times in life.

Now, their capacity for such experiences is diminished. That is expected and can be summarized in the story of an overflowing cup. There’s no room for one more critique of their personality that came through someone not wanting them.

The ego no longer has the capacity to reject the things it has experienced so many times. Any negativity directed towards such people is intolerable and deepens the wound created earlier in their life.

  • It is important to mention that if you are in this category of people, it is fixable. And it is necessary to repair it because it is too heavy a burden to carry and too difficult a life to live.
  • You can tell if you are in this group of people by how much things hurt and offend you. At what speed and how hard is it for you?

Second step: Understand that what you feel when you are rejected is coming from the wrong place. You should just feel uncomfortable, but not ego hurt, when you are rejected.

People who have rejected us.

How To Behave After Rejection

In reality, people rarely reject us for who we are, and incomparably more often due to their preferences.

Man Successfully Overcome rejection

We personally find this act very difficult because we are turned towards ourselves—our pain, sadness, disappointment, etc. We are deeply focused on how we feel when we are rejected. However, if we were to shift the focus to other people, which is very difficult due to our emotional blocks and lack of information on their part, we would see how things look very different in reality.

And let me immediately resolve the sadness or discomfort you felt when you heard that you were not what your loved one wanted you to be.

What if they want you to be very kinky? Or very aggressive? Maybe be carefree and let them do whatever they want. Or to never criticize them, not even for things that obviously bother you. Or to tattoo your entire body?(Find your own example of something they might want from you that is unacceptable to you.) What then? How is that resolved, or how do you become that?

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The idea that someone won’t accept us because we’re not perfect naturally hurts. But what if what they want from us isn’t so perfect but rather very down-to-earth, humanly unattractive, and perhaps even unacceptable for us? Often, it is. If you look at things from this realistic perspective, you will find that people have different preferences than ours. Something that is perfectly okay for them may even be shocking to you. If you look at it this way, you might not even want to be what they would like you to be.

*Of course, if you recognize within yourself some features, habits, or behaviors that are socially unacceptable, you should change them.

The third step is: understand that they rejected you because of their preferences, and they rejected you because of your flaws.

How and why did their value suddenly increase?

Now, the problem is that the value of a person who rejects us suddenly increases compared to all those who want us.

Because by rejecting us, they are saying, “I am better than you. Because I choose who I want to be with, not you, it makes me better than you. You are less valuable.” (We hear all this subconsciously.). (People who want us say, “We are equals.”)

And suddenly, it becomes essential for us to prove ourselves to that magnificent being who communicated, “I am better than you.” Not because they are really better than us, but because they want something different. Can you imagine that?!

Furthermore, it effectively addresses the internal issue we identified earlier, whether it’s something that has never happened to me or something that always happens to me. This combination makes us feel compelled to win the love and attention of that person at all costs because our ego injury is too great.

The fourth step is to understand why their value suddenly increased

What Causes Obsession With a Certain Person

You need to look at it objectively

Man Successfully Overcome rejection

If we objectively looked at all this, we would see that the person in front of us who rejects us is an insignificant person full of uncertainties, internal problems, flaws, as we said, and struggles.

A person who never existed in our lives before that encounter. So they are practically not important for our lives and do not affect them. Let’s recall long-forgotten rejectors who seemed important at the time.

And then we realize that it’s a wound within us, for which we don’t need that person to heal it but rather psychotherapy. Or, even better, another wonderful person who will say, “You are wonderful just as you are, and I want you just as you are.”. Only these pants don’t look good on you, and we’ll fix that; everything else is beautiful and desirable.”

We also realize that the love of the person who does not accept us will neither ennoble us nor make us whole or more secure. But only more frightened. Considering they didn’t want us once, and we now carry that fear of rejection within us: Will they like me this time? Have I finally become adequate?

So, the essence is that if someone rejects us, it’s okay. We cannot know their reasons, but we will not attribute them to ourselves.

Woman Overcome rejection

By changing our perspective, having conversations with someone intelligent and well-intentioned, observing that person, and engaging in intense self-reflection, we can come to an incredibly pleasant idea, which is: That it’s okay when someone doesn’t want us. They want something else (this conclusion comes from a sharp look into them 😊 ). We don’t need that someone to feel loved.

The truth is, we need someone who will accept us and work with us (since these rejectors question our entire personality). We need someone who will help us understand ourselves and clearly see that emerging wound.

The fifth step is to change the perspective and the way we look at them

How to stop obsessing over rejection

What I want to say is that it’s perfectly okay when someone doesn’t want you.

As the old and wise in my country (Serbia-Croatia) would say, “Kiss and leave.” or “Travel, monk, don’t worry about the monastery.” There are always other good monks who will stay to guard the monastery.

Or, in our case, good other people who belong to us more and will help us strengthen and smooth out all our internal struggles and fears. Just by accepting us as we are and staying by our side.

Love you. Dee

How To Handle Rejection? ,

Why do I want someone who doesn’t want me?

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