Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

How To Increase Sex Drive

A few practical, easy-to-apply and rational tips on how to increase sex drive. It may not be what you expected, but if you apply these steps – you can really improve your sexual life by a relatively large percentage.

A beautiful woman with closed eyes; how to increase sex drive

First, let’s talk a bit about passion, i.e., sex drive and love in long-term relationships and marriages.

Passion is usually felt first, and love develops later. This isn’t about the logic of things but about hormones, psychology, nature, etc. For the sake of fun, let’s say that according to this logic, the passion that started first must also be the first to extinguish.

Intimacy, which people interpret as love, is created later, more painstakingly and slowly, and lasts longer because it is built, effort is invested in it, and it doesn’t just appear as passion on its own. Therefore, it can last until the end of life.

A man and a woman lie next to each other

Instead of sticking to this and urging you to enter relationships without passion (which is out of the question for me), I’ll state that the fact remains that couples who have more passion and sex and manage to maintain it in their relationships are happier in life, and their relationships last longer.

So, passion doesn’t only serve to start something or as a catalyst for a relationship, but also to sustain something we like.

However, as we said, passion diminishes relatively quickly, so here we have a paradoxical situation. It naturally fades, but we need it.

How do you keep sex drive high?

But, before I say anything else, let me respond to those who raised their eyebrows and started typing: But my passion for that person after so many years hasn’t diminished. Or hers hasn’t diminished for me. And that may be true. The reasons why the passion we feel for a person has not subsided vary from healthy psychological reasons to pathological reasons.

I won’t delve too deeply into this right now because, in this text, we’re dealing with rekindling the passion in people who have lost it, but you’ll either sense or be informed during its post why passion hasn’t waned for some people all these years.

A beautiful woman
  • I mentioned earlier that couples who have more passion and sex are happier in relationships. That’s because after sex, the hormones that keep us in a good mood and satisfied work for 48 hours, and only then do they decline. That’s what biologists, endocrinologists, and sexuality researchers say.
  • If you manage to have sexual intercourse every two to three days, someone in your relationship will be pleased.

In any case, the first thing I would mention, and something that can be worked on, is women’s motivation. As I talked about in this article, it’s usually necessary to work on women’s motivation because it fades faster.

How is it achieved?

Admire your partner

Find a way to admire your partner. Admire their abilities, their beauty, and their characteristics as a person.

Man and woman in love

Don’t forget: we only want to sleep with people we admire. Having sex with someone fascinating to us fulfills our need to unite with that extraordinary being.

That is why it is necessary to find ways to be amazed by our partner.

I also know that this is not easy, but it shouldn’t be too difficult to remember why we are in an intimate relationship with that person.

This admiration implies that your emotions and need for that person have not died. If you look around you and consider the couples whose sexual relationship has wholly ceased, you will notice that, in most cases, these are couples who have stopped dealing with each other. They live together but do not think about the other person positively.

So, your first step to improving your sex life with your partner is to start looking at him or her through the prism of finding amazing things about them.

Try to sit in front of your partner and think about all the beautiful things they do or are. This will obviously improve your relationship, but also your sex life, because you may want to connect sexually with someone so fascinating. Of course, it is also an option that, because of this, you need to maintain your partner in your relationship, among other things, through sex.

Women want to be desired not only for their bodies, but for other things as well

A beautiful woman

This aspect of the body is also essential so that the woman feels sexy. For some women who find their strength in being sexually attractive, that may be enough, but for most women, it isn’t the only thing.

Women are situational beings, and if a woman feels that a man is enthusiastic about her, just like any being, she will show even more how exceptional, amazing, complete, and so on she is.

In other words, if a woman stops being attracted to her partner, it may be because she lacks respect and adoration. For a woman to want you more, it’s important that she feels appreciated and sexy by your side.

A study from 2006 showed that women get very “turned on” when their partner talks about how he fantasizes and thinks about them and how he desires them. In layperson’s terms: praise her – from her curves, through her abilities, and so on, and send her messages about how you desire her and why.

If you want a lot of good sex in life, you have to save novelties

People who exhaust their novelties prematurely do themselves a disservice.

  • I read an interesting story about a woman in her sixties who went to a psychologist because her husband no longer needed sex, and the psychologist told her that they needed to introduce novelties. And in the next session, she told him how she grabbed her husband’s genitals for the first time in her life and how he had an incredible erection.
Man and woman in love

This is cute, but the essence is that people used to introduce novelties into their lives much more slowly (one every 40 years) (Just kidding 😉) and that they always had something to be excited about.

And somehow, I think that patriarchal people are luckier in this than those of a freer spirit because their patriarchy naturally restrains them and, therefore, gives them more space to try out some new, interesting things in sex slowly—toys, positions, places, and who knows what else.

But if you’ve exhausted your list of novelties prematurely, you can try to find some mutually exciting things to do. The author here wanted to say that everything that is repetitive and predictable is boring and doesn’t arouse excitement, so it would be good to be creative.

Changing intimacy


Changes in intimacy ignite passion. Many relationships and marriages fall into a flat line, which extinguishes passion. Generally, when you notice a noticeable decline in sexual desire in a relationship, try to change the intimacy you have with that person. And not in the way of sitting down and talking about what’s bothering you, as everyone expected. But this blog deals with something other than what people would like but with real-life solutions. So when I say changing intimacy, I mean some distancing or thoughtfulness.

These two things could do an excellent job of breaking the monotony of overly stable relationships.

  • This clearly explains the craziest sex after a fight because intimacy is disturbed.
Man and woman in love

The essence is that if someone thinks they’re losing you, they might become more passionate about you to keep you.
Intentional separation can help a lot here, just so the partner thinks about where you are and that you’re not in sight. Fantasy, hope, and promise can fuel desire, while withdrawal or abstinence can sharpen it.

This unfamiliarity arouses curiosity, the need for the partner to return to the family nest, etc.

  • Of course, don’t do this aggressively or excessively because the idea isn’t to disturb your partner but just to stimulate them to think about you, how stable you are to them, and what more they could do for you to stabilize you.

And don’t confuse a lack of love with distancing yourself from someone to bring them closer to you.

Eye contact during sex

An exciting way scientists discovered that works for women and strengthens the need for intimacy is eye contact during sex because it stimulates the release of oxytocin, i.e., bonding with the partner. Naturally, a woman can experience this as closeness, so make love in a missionary position and look into each other’s eyes. Some women may find this boring, but you should know your woman.

On the other hand, women should engage in sexual intercourse with enthusiasm

Woman in toxic relationship

I can’t teach you enthusiasm. It comes from the head and is entirely connected to a person’s overall attitude and experience of life, but let’s say the instruction is: engage in sexual intercourse enthusiastically, and it will change the atmosphere between you.

The more you sexually fantasize, the more exciting sex will be

And another thing that’s somewhat in line with this is fantasizing. The more you sexually fantasize, the more exciting sex will be.

This is one thing where patriarchy can hold you back, but look: the solution to your problem must always prevail. So if your views are more substantial, that’s fine, but if you want to improve your sex life, that’s fine too, and one of the recommendations is to fantasize before and during sex. Eroticism is more a matter of imagination than sexual excitement.

As I mentioned in this blog post, men bring resources, and women bring sex

A beautiful woman

The problem is that a woman gets used to a man’s resources, and they start to be taken for granted, so she no longer feels the need to give something in return.

This obviously happens if there’s no explicit agreement about who brings what to the marriage or relationship, and I know, I know, this is controversial, but still, it’s not mine but from research.

Since we are exchange beings, we don’t need to provide anything in return if the other side takes it for granted. However, if we are honest and receive something from the other side, we can also give something back adequately.

Here, there’s a small problem, and that is that if a woman does some excellent and good things for a man, she still thinks she’s doing the right thing for him just because she doesn’t want anyone else; she’s faithful, cooks, takes care of children, and so on.

And this is the moment when men have to decide: will your woman be there to give you more sex or more engagement in housework?

Many obligations expected from a woman extinguish that woman and overload her. They distract her thoughts elsewhere, force her to be in practical mode, not in a sexual one, etc. So, think about helping around the house, but in return, you get more passion and sex from your partner.

Now is the right time to crucify me and all the researchers in the field of sex, but it has been proven that:

Don’t do housework if you’re a man

Men who do more housework have less sex because women perceive them as less manly.

Attractive man standing

And I can already see how the guys jumped to read this to their wives, but that wasn’t my goal. I believe it would be almost unethical to know something like this from research and not say it, so as not to be hated.

In any case, if you’re already reading this to your wives, my girls, apparently it’s something in our biology. If you want to awaken sex, you may have to decide between whether he’ll help you around the house or whether he’ll be a real man in your eyes.

Both are good. And to have your man cook for you and be attractive to you, it’s just a matter of choice what you’d prefer, but apparently, it’s related to some unconscious mechanisms that are triggered about whether we perceive our man.

Handsome man smiling

If you all strain your lovely heads, you will remember such couples where he’s a real man and she looks at him with enthusiasm. I’m also one hundred percent sure that there are relationships where a balance can be achieved between these two, so everyone has their own, but in the silence of your room, some percentage of you will surely know that they would prefer a guy with a hammer more than a male housewife.

Did I mention this: A man should not be a lazybones but should dedicately do his chores.
To avoid confusion, I’m not asking anything of you; it’s just my way of passing on knowledge.

Apretiateing differences

This expression refers to the ability to appreciate your partner as separate and different from yourself.

Suppose you see a person in relation to yourself as something unique, other, and special, and you are proud of it, admire it, and need to hear more about their world and life.

In that case, it can sexually excite you, like at the very beginning of a relationship when we’re incredibly excited about people just because we don’t know much about them.

This feeling of unfamiliarity is more challenging to achieve when we already know too much about our partner, but a sense of admiration and celebration for our partner can be achieved.

Realistically, it’s a shame that some people stop looking at their partner with admiration, curiosity, and enthusiasm just because they know him. But believe me, people are always so exciting, unknown, and full of incredible things in themselves.

I hope this text is helpful to you.

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