Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

How To Make Your Ex Regret Leaving You

Each person has different capacities for regret. Many factors will influence the degree to which they regret leaving you, so I can help you understand this and increase your chances.

And no, this is not a cliché text: You need to distance yourself from that person, bla, bla. This is an honest text here to help you do the right thing (move on or do whatever it takes to save that relationship). There are several ways to make your ex regret leaving you. Some of these ways depend on them, and some rely on you.

Each person has different capacities for regret. Many factors will influence the degree to which they regret leaving you, so I can help you understand this and increase your chances.

Handsome man

We must first understand why they left us in order to know what to do next about it. At the very end of the text, you have exact instructions on how to make your ex regret leaving you.

  • They left because it was a sudden, impulsive decision
  • They left because they had their reasons (ex-partners, complex life situations, etc.).
  • They have changed personalities
  • You don’t fit into their plans
  • They never wanted you
  • They don’t see a future with you
  • They wanted you, but it turns out you’re not the ideal person for them
  • They left because you did something
  • Note: For each of these cases, there is a way for them to regret it. But there is no guarantee that they will necessarily admit it and contact you again.

Let’s review each separately with a suggestion and a case analysis.

How to make your ex want you back – 12 steps

They left because it was a sudden, impulsive decision

Man and woman

If you’re truly a great person worth keeping, there’s a chance they’ll regret it. In that case, give them time to get out of the state that led to their impulsivity. We are emotional beings, and our decisions change with our emotions.

The impulsive way of reacting is their way, it obviously comes from some previous habits and is very immature (probably they reacted in such a way as children).

When a person comes out of the emotion they found themselves in, they will be able to repent. Sometimes they need a little longer (even several weeks) for that. In this case, it is not bad to notice that the person comes out of the “negative” emotion very slowly and that you will have to deal with such a person in your life.

  • There’s also a chance they won’t regret it and will justify their actions to themselves. Various mechanisms are used for this, such as rationalization. “It wasn’t that great with her or him.” People find it hard to admit mistakes, so they’d rather make things up than admit they were wrong.

They left because they had their reasons (ex-partners, complex life situations, etc.).

  1. Regret can obviously come later, when something in their life is resolved. However, as long as that situation is present, they will remain focused on it.
  2. A person may regret it if you were indeed an exceptional opportunity. Suppose the ex-partner returned, and they rejected you because they naively thought it would still work out with the ex-partner. And after that, their new attempt failed. In that case, they will regret and repent of rejecting you.
  3. There’s also a chance that the person is very mature and wants to protect you while they solve their problem; in that case, they’ll contact you when they resolve it. In this case, the departure wasn’t accidental but a calculated assessment. The person may regret not acting differently only if they can’t get you back.

In each of these variants, everything boils down to waiting (which I wouldn’t risk too much). It’s true that being rejected for someone or something else is not that scary (you need to understand people), but it will be scary if you wait for the person for too long (or endlessly, since we don’t know how it will all end).

Why does a person have to go through bad relationships till they meet “the one”?

They have a changed personality.

Man and woman breaking up

For example: narcissists, borderlines, depressed people, etc.

Every personality change has different reasons why people leave. Narcissists manipulate people in that way; borderlines are unpredictable and impulsive, and depressed people have no energy for themselves or for the relationship.

Regardless of the personality change in the background, there’s less chance that such people will regret it because they use numerous mechanisms to protect their decisions. However, they come back very, very… very often because they tend to recycle people and continue their dynamics. So they come back, do not regret anything (they can fake regret), and repeat the same cycle.

  • Note: Being with such a personality is very dangerous, so you should beware of their “regrets” for you. Such personalities are pretty consuming, and relationships with them are unpredictable.

How long does it take to feel better after a brakeup?

You don’t fit into their plans

If their plans change, there’s a chance they’ll regret leaving you. In this case, you’ll have to wait for the change or realization of the plans.

For example, if someone decides to move and all their energy goes into that project, and you’re a great person, they can turn back to you once that energy is freed up. Some people really only have energy for one thing in life.

They may also recognize that you’re worthy because their focus is no longer on moving (choose anything else currently in the person’s orbit), and they put energy into it – the energy is released. Of course, if they fail to get you back, they’ll regret it.

  • If their plans take them another way, you may become a past they don’t regret.

He/She Disappeared and Reappeared. Now What?

They never really wanted you

Man and woman break up

Talking about someone who never wanted you to regret your absence is redundant.

Such a person has deemed you unnecessary. People find it very difficult to change their opinion about others. As we’ll discuss later in the text, others must become different for someone to change their opinion about them. But this might be the right place to read this article.

Another option in that case, for people to change their opinion of you for the better and regret rejecting you, is for you to do something very positive for them.

They Don’t See a Future with You

Again, the person has placed you in a particular position in their mind, and if that position does not change, they won’t regret not being together with you.
Perhaps they want a life in high society, a family, or relocation, and you’re not someone who can provide that. Therefore, they may cross you out as someone they can’t achieve their goals with.

The only way to get them to consider you again is for them to change the things they want. Your change must be very, very striking and obvious in the direction they want. And in that case, you can recognize it as opportunism in a way. I mean, you weren’t good to them once, so you became… somehow, they don’t really need you, just what you can offer.

Either way, changes in what they want + time can make them come back.

How to avoid getting too attached to someone

They Wanted You, But It Turns Out You’re Not the Ideal Person for Them

Man and woman in love

Maybe they tested you for a while and concluded you weren’t the right person for them. Let’s say they assessed that you have potential, but it turns out they were wrong or you do things that make you incompatible.
An example would be if they assessed that you could be a good mother or father, but you’re more inclined towards nightlife or career.

This kind of assessment comes from mature people, who usually weigh things carefully before deciding. Therefore, there’s no regret after leaving someone.

Hypothetically, if you change, they may give you another chance.

  • A mature person can also be one who wants a relaxed lifestyle (not necessarily traditionally valuable things: family, children, etc.). Let’s say they wants to surf in Australia, but they realize that they can’t achieve their goals with you, and that’s why they leave you. It is very mature to anticipate the future and act accordingly.

7 reasons why people who rejected you come back

They Left Because You Did Something

Couple breaking up

Although it sounds like the worst option, it can be the best for what you want (for the partner to regret leaving. That’s why you’re reading this text, right?)

To better understand this, let’s take two parameters from both sides:

  1. You did something unforgivable.
  2. You did something forgivable.
  3. The person left impulsively.
  4. The person left after assessing the situation.

If we combine 1 and 3, the person may regret it even if you did something unforgivable because their departure was impulsive. People often focus more on their behavior than others, so you can count on that.

Also, people always try to get what they want and are ready to ignore the circumstances. If they want you, and you, for example, cheated on them, they will still, in many cases, try to get you back – because they want you. Yes, people are unusual.

  • Note: You’ll have many problems in that relationship because they can’t forgive you, although they regret their impulsiveness and return.
Man and woman breaking up

If we combine 1 and 4, the person won’t regret it. You did something unforgivable, and they carefully considered whether they could stay in a relationship with you.

This is a smaller number of people because it implies maturity, non-impulsivity, assessing the future, etc.

If we combine 2 and 3, the person will likely regret it and return because there’s nothing to hold onto. Their impulsiveness prevailed at the moment, and now it is no longer relevant.

  • Of course, there’s a possibility that the person cannot admit even the slightest fault (impulsiveness), so they won’t return, but then you’d deal with a tough person.

If we combine 2 and 4, the person won’t return, even if your fault isn’t too great. The departure came after assessing the situation carefully and calculatedly. The person may forever stick to their assessment.

But believe me, if that’s the case – it’s better they don’t return. Because it means that you will not be forgiven for even the slightest mistake, you will have to walk on eggshells around that person, and they can break up on even your smallest “sin”.

  • I must mention that people experience things differently, so what’s unforgivable to you may not be to someone else. For some, cheating is inexcusable, and for others, cheating is okay, but not returning $50 is a deal-breaker (I had such a case in front of me).
Man and woman breaking up

Therefore, don’t prejudge that your fault is unforgivable if the person hasn’t explicitly told you. And even if they have, don’t forget that it was said under great emotion, and when those emotions diminish, they may change their mind. Remember how many times you had completely different opinions on the same thing when you were emotional and when you weren’t?

Now that we know some people will regret leaving while others won’t, we can take a common factor into account.

Can Someone Love You But Break Up With You?

How do you make your ex regret leaving you

1. It is necessary that you become what they wanted but didn’t get from you. If you conspicuously become that something, they’ll regret leaving you because they will think they made a mistake.

To become what people want, you must carefully listen to what they want. This desire is often expressed through both verbal and nonverbal communication, such as talking about their desires, highlighting, and even criticizing something they really want but can’t have.

People always strive for what they want, so if you become that, they will regret leaving you, as you can provide them with what they want.

How To Handle Rejection?

Man and woman

2. Another way that’s easier because it doesn’t involve didactic abilities or mind-reading is to become an exceptional version of yourself.

Nothing can dispute an exceptional version of you.

If you manage to get yourself in incredible shape, become physically attractive, become very successful at work, and maybe become very popular, if you’re a great conversationalist that everyone wants to spend time with and gain financial power… everyone, even the person who rejected you, will want to be with you.

Of course, you can become all of these things or just one of them, but the idea is to become a conspicuously better version of yourself in some field than when you were with that person.

This latter method is a foolproof way to make people regret leaving you.

  • In a smaller number of cases, people won’t regret that you split. If you did something unforgivable + not enough time has passed + the person already has a well-established life elsewhere.

But if you become an exceptional version of yourself, some will openly regret it, and you’ll know it; some others will regret it secretly, and some only when they go to bed and can’t use the mechanisms they successfully use to justify their actions.

But regret will surely come if you take care of yourself and become the best version of yourself.

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