Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

How To Make Your Ex Want You Back – 12 Detailed Steps

Instructions with 12 concrete and detailed steps on how to make your ex want you back. This guide will give you the best long-term results.

Couple in unhealthy relationship

We also have a quick method.

However, this method, although effective, often does not provide long-term results.

So please think now whether you want long-term results with that partner or just to get them back, no matter how long it lasts.
And don’t let fear prevent you from choosing your method, because this method is actually the most effective and safest.

So, a quick method: The Fastest Way to Get Your Ex Back
Safer and more efficient method:

Summary

  1. Take a few months apart from that person to allow them to forget about you.
  2. Find what that person values ​​very much and become that very prominently.
  3. Make visible personal progress (physically, financially, in terms of status, etc.).
  4. Do not initiate the first contact, and don’t show desire for that person.
  5. When they call (and he will, at least out of curiosity), be relaxed, smile, and stick to light topics.
  6. Don’t rush into the first meeting with your ex. Put it down twice.
  7. On your first meeting, combine a story about your progress with being relaxed, being very attractive and fun, and being very little interested in the topic: relationship
  8. Absolutely, do not bring up the subject of your relationship.
  9. Don’t suggest the next date.
  10. If the person suggests the next meeting, be happy but very vague.
  11. At the meeting, be serious.
  12. Get in touch after two to three weeks.
Man and woman are smiling

Keep in mind:

1. This is the best and most proven procedure to get someone back. For it, you need patience and a plan for several months. (In 50% of cases, things start to move in a positive direction already after a month).
However, we also have all other options: 2 months, 6 months, or even longer.
This procedure works in 90% of cases.
Of course, nothing is guaranteed, but from my professional experience, this plan works really well.

2. Investing energy in someone who isn’t genuinely interested in us is a waste of time, even if you get results. But believe it or not, this method works even for them. However, you will need an enormous amount of energy to keep them.

3. Very few exceptional individuals are worth the additional effort if they don’t meet the primary criterion for a relationship—the desire to be with us.

4. If someone doesn’t want to share what they have with you (their thoughts, presence, energy, etc.), they can’t be considered exceptional.

5. Nobody is exceptional. Whatever outstanding traits they may have, they likely have corresponding negative aspects. They are just ordinary individuals with their demons—Freudian aggression, Jungian shadow, and so on.

6. Mainly, you’ve attributed more to that person than they deserve. Person became special in your head.

Happy couple in love

7. This approach can also apply to longer-lasting relationships that have ended, but it is most effective in short-term relationships. Longer relationships carry a lengthy shared history where various things could have happened, making it crucial to address the reasons for the breakup. In short-term relationships, the reasons are typically less significant, allowing for a more straightforward approach.

How to understand this method better:

Recall someone you didn’t want, or maybe reconsider. Would it alter your opinion if that person insists and nags you to try again and change your mind? Probably not.

Now imagine that this person is obsessing over you and won’t leave you alone. Would it change your opinion about them, and would you think: This is a really great person for me.

Couple in love

Overall, it seems impossible for your opinion of that person to change. Why? That person hasn’t changed, so why would you change your mind about them?

And the fact that they haven’t changed can be seen through their actions.

To start seeing that person differently, they need to change. When they change, their actions will automatically be different.

To get a second chance with someone, two conditions are necessary:

  1. They must forget who you were, and
  2. When you reappear, you must be different from what they rejected before

Now, let’s go through each of these instances separately.

1. They need to forget the version of you they didn’t like

Couple in love

As you’ve told yourselves, it’s challenging for that person to get close to you again once you know who they are.

However, the brain is a beautiful device that erases unnecessary data, such as information about people who are not attractive to us.

Nevertheless, constant attempts by that person to re-enter your life make your brain consistently remind you of who they were and are.

The problem is that people who desire someone often fear losing them if they don’t stay in regular contact or apply some form of pressure.

However, the effect is evidently counterproductive because, as I mentioned, that person didn’t want you that way. Yet, you’re not allowing them to forget the version of you they didn’t like.

Remember: It is important that they stop thinking about you—at least the version they didn’t like.

Another truth to draw from this is that people do not reconcile with others because they are pressured to do so. They usually avoid people who pressure them. In fact, that person might start appearing even more demanding, tedious, aggressive, unpleasant, etc., than before.

Process described:

That person liked you once, at least physically or in appearance, according to their taste. This means they’ll give you another chance if you follow the next steps, unless the breakup was tough and ugly (though some people are into that). Consider this a mantra to endure the upcoming period while distancing yourself from them.

Distance yourself so that she or he forgets you.

A beautiful woman

You need to withdraw.

This might give you the shivers, but remember, we all have an ego and don’t want to lose someone who once adored us. Being adored is pleasant for our egos. Also, that person already liked you once, making you their type of potential partner.

Additionally, studies show that people find it harder to cope with the loss of something they had than to rejoice in gaining something new. All of this works in your favor if you’re afraid they’ll forget you or replace you. It works much better than your previous strategy of pressuring them.

But, in the meantime, let your social networks explode!

The fact that you will not be in contact does not mean that they do not need to know anything about you. In fact, they need to know all… of your successes! They need to know how you are progressing, how much you are training, and how much your life is getting better. They need to know how satisfied, successful, and advanced you are. This obviously serves to make the partner think that they have lost something very precious. Or that they gave up too soon.

And especially (and for many a very scary idea), handsome people unknown to your ex-partner can freely appear on your social networks. Yes, this serves to arouse jealousy and speed up the whole process. The idea is for the ex-partner to think: When I was with them, they were a worse version of themselves. Now this better version of them will be taken by another person.

After a while, they will call (in most cases)

People tend to recycle people from the past.

I emphasize that it is optimal that the next contact occurs after 2-3 months. Because that period is important for creating a new beginning. But there is a chance that they will call earlier.

Reasons why they might contact you:

  • Out of curiosity,
  • To test their allure,
  • Because nothing is happening in their life.
  • Someone else dumped them.
  • Their pride might be hurt.
  • They are having a bad day.
  • The person is bored.
  • They are going through a tough time, and so on.
  • We all appreciate a good stroke to our ego.
Black couple in love

2. The second thing needed to reclaim is to change yourself.

You might not feel like doing this, and I’m not advising you to change anything about yourself for someone you’ve known briefly. But if you want that person back, remember that when you were your old self, they didn’t want you. They wanted something else.

The changes you make should be positive. Progress, exercise, educate yourself, develop new skills, grow in every sense, become more, and so on.

Progress is something everyone desires and loves. Since you don’t know which progress is most important to them, progress in every field and plan. Don’t be disheartened or lazy.

White man and black woman in relationship

After all, you’re doing this primarily for yourself and to become a better version of yourself. Also, your personal progress will genuinely change you. Perhaps even in ways you didn’t expect. So that the person who once suited you while you were a weaker version of yourself no longer interests you.

You must find out what interests them.

Develop yourself in that direction, too. Almost no one will reject someone they once desired when that person is consistently progressing and becoming what they want.

Good sources of information are:

  1. Their past relationships. What were the qualities of the partners they stayed with? What did those ex partners do, and how did they treat them?
  2. Social media is another valuable source. People openly talk about things they want and love on social media. Reading between the lines is crucial. For example, people who love traveling often appreciate change, adventure, excitement, or relaxation. Therefore, you need to become someone who offers excitement and adventure—someone who provides for or can afford such a lifestyle.
  3. Remember what the person talked about a lot.
A beautiful rejected woman

During that time, do not be in contact.

Not because of the No Contact rule 😉, but to give them a chance to forget you + to give them a chance to think that you are changing during that period. To ask what you are doing, etc.

After a while, they’ll remember you and start wondering: Why isn’t this person reaching out when they used to be obsessed with me? Did I misinterpret something?

3. When your ex contacts you

  • And they will contact you with something stupid and light. Let’s say: Hey! What’s up? Or he’ll start liking your pictures.
    Answer only the questions. And answer that very briefly. Do not answer anything else.

Of course, in the meantime, really try to change. You have a few months to do that (I hope. It’s not good when they call early, but this method works in those cases too, except that then you’ll have to pretend you’ve changed more).

  • Important: changing also means that it’s clear that you care less about that person.
Man and woman in love

If you only pretend that you have changed (or you don’t even pretend, but try all the same), you will just come back in the exact same relationship. And that person is testing you briefly to see who you are.

And if he realizes that you haven’t really changed, that’s probably the actual end.

Because then they will have the information that you are unchangeable and will only waste time on you. And after that “Second The End” you can do nothing.

So follow this process. This is a really good process to get the person back permanently. You have to overcome your impulses and stick to the process.

He/She Disappeared and Reappeared. Now What?

4. Don’t rush into the first meeting with your ex. Don’t suggest it yourself.

This is one of the most important steps because it will convey that you have changed. Just a few months ago, you would have done anything to reach that person. You would have given everything for a meeting with them. Today, it’s different. You don’t even suggest a meeting. This will be the first time the person thinks, “I now have someone new in front of me.” Only then will the person feel the desire to try something with you.

Break up

Moreover, after they reach out, the avoidance of suggesting the first meeting serves solely to give the impression that you have changed.

This is not a game or manipulation; this is the first opportunity to leave a different impression and convince the person that you are something other than what they once didn’t want.

5. Be relaxed and smile. Yes, smile.

Maybe you are angry, hurt, or offended. But beware of this: that person has already rejected you. They already knows how to live without you. If she or he calls you and you are angry or spread negative emotions, they have no reason to call again. So it’s a bad way to go.

Also, don’t forget: people always gravitate towards positive emotions. Only if they are psychologically bad do they gravitate towards the negative ones. Therefore, be smiling and in a good mood.

You need to present your life and your personality as something that a person would be very happy to return to.

  • Don’t play the hysterical clown. Be in a good mood, but dignified.
A beautiful woman smiling

6. Delay the first meeting twice

Under the pretense that you have a lot of interesting things to do and that your life is very full. And further: give the impression that your life is extraordinary (which I hope it is). Also, create the impression that you have changed and that you no longer care about that person.

  • If he suggests Sunday, say that you will call, and then on Sunday, say that something has come up. Do the same thing again next time, this time under the pretense that you have things planned for the whole week. In any variant, delay the encounter twice. In the meantime, wait as long as necessary for the person to call back.
  • The reasons for delay can be implausible (I have a party. Coffee with my cousin. Or I plant flowers. Let’s not forget that we are always dealing with the fact that you have changed. Also, don’t be afraid of this.

Don’t be afraid of this. Don’t be afraid that the person will give up on you because of it. People are not repulsed by such things, they are attracted to them. In fact, it is recommended to show the person how little you care about the meeting. They are always very interested in things that they can almost have. It’s good because it creates suspense and tension.

7. On first meeting

Combine a story about your progress with being relaxed, being very attractive and having fun

Date night

The idea is that the person gets the impression that you are very successful, but also that you bring good emotions, that you are actually fun to be with, and that you don’t put any pressure on them.

A few more pointers:

  • Be very well dressed for that meeting. If you are a woman, be sexy.
  • Try to keep the meeting short – since you are in a hurry. You have so many fun and important things to do.
  • If you don’t feel like talking, you can always let that person do more talking.
  • Feel free to mention some of your big successes in the previous period in your notes
  • Talk about your ambitions
  • Drop in the conversation that you are now doing things that this person likes and wants. But not in an obvious way. Just as chit-chat information.

Absolutely, do not bring up the subject of your relationship

The person will expect it because they think you are still in love with them. However, if you don’t mention it, he will start asking himself questions: have you fallen out of love? Does it still stand a chance with you? Do you have someone else, etc.

Don’t suggest the next date.

Still, the plan is to show that person that you don’t care too much about seeing each other. You hereby:

  1. Confirm that you have changed
  2. You devalue them, which is good for changing the relationship between you.
Man and woman on date night

8. If the person suggests the next meeting, be happy but very vague.

As you can see, we always maintain the impression that you are not ready for that meeting. Your life is full, good, you are progressing. Also, that person is not that important to you anymore.

Those are all the impressions you need to leave because, don’t forget: different forces work on people at the same time. People want what they once wanted, (especially an improved version of it. People love excitement (dopamine lesson), Ego works in people, People strive for positive emotions, etc.

Be patient and wait for the person to suggest the next date.

  • If he suggests it at the meeting right then on date, say: Of course. Let’s touch base and figure things out.
  • Postpone it once with a plausible reason: you have to work. But arrange that meeting.
  • Do not agree to have sex or kiss. Do not agree to reconciliation by chance! Because you (at least a person should think that) did not come there for reasons of love, but for fun.
Man and woman on date

9. At the next meeting, be serious

From the moment you arrange the meeting, allow a week to pass until the meeting. Still be gorgeous, dress well, act classy, and act like you don’t care too much. This time, don’t be smiling anymore, but rather serious, and act like it all bothers you.

  • Don’t be awkward. Just act like you’re bored with it all.

Ask the person what they want from you. If she or he is vague, tell them that you don’t have much time for such stupid things in your life. Get out of that encounter very quickly.

  • If that person’s answers are vague, it means they don’t want reconciliation or a relationship with you. He or she just wants to keep you around, and that almost certainly means that will never change, for who knows what reasons. Any lingering with them will only be a waste of one’s own life. Don’t do that.

If he or she tells you that they want to try a relationship with you again – tell them that you need to think about it. In that case, leave after an hour of that meeting.

10. Get in touch after two to three weeks

Man and woman on date
  • This meeting (the third. You come with your terms) should take place two weeks after the meeting you said you should think about (the second meeting).

Again, you are doing this for believability, because you are thinking. Arrange a meeting. At that meeting, state your terms for the relationship. Your attitude must be: take it or leave it. I do not care. But these are my conditions, and I will not go below that.

There can be anything in the conditions, but I recommend that if you want this person for life, your conditions should be a proposal, posting photos together on all their networks, and maybe planning a life together. In any case, let the conditions be such that they bind that person in the long run. Because it doesn’t make sense that you tried so hard, that you forgave them for what they did to you and then accepted peanuts from that person.

11. Reconcile only when the person agrees to your terms.

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