Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

How to Manage a Partner Who Has Fallen In Love With Someone Else

With the help of the OCEAN model (personality trait), we will see what possibilities we have to manage a partner who has fallen in love with someone else.

Because many psychologists believe this is the most reliable model we can rely on, we will use the OCEAN model of personality traits as a reference: Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism.

A group of people are standing

We will look at our options for managing the situation when a partner falls in love with someone else, considering the personality traits of your partner, not yours.

You can read up on Very Well Mind for more on personality traits, but we will focus on how to manage and influence partners with certain characteristics and their opposites.

It’s up to you to assess which predominant traits your partner has.

1. Openness: How to Manage Very Open and Very Private Partners

Complete openness

It involves creativity and intrigue, a willingness to try new things, a focus on tackling new challenges, and happiness in thinking about abstract concepts. These individuals are adventurous and open to experiencing new things.

Such people are positively unstoppable when experiencing new things, including attempts with new partners. New experiences bring them joy and excitement.

Woman in love

A new partner is, obviously, a new experience. The issue is that new people can offer intrigue, mystery, and novelty that may have faded with you.

Therefore, your best option is not to turn away from a partner who loves new experiences but to embrace them yourself and invite your partner to join you.

Travel, attend lectures, socialize, participate in artistic events, go hiking, try new sports, etc. Start engaging in many new activities and constantly invite your partner along. If you make their life exciting, they won’t need a new person as much.

However, if your partner, who loves new experiences, does fall in love with someone else and leaves, it can still be good news for you. You can count on the fact that this new person will eventually become familiar, and your partner will seek something new again. You can have that new experience if you live life to the fullest and openly show how exciting and full of new challenges your life is.

What to do: Become the source of new experiences. Give the new crush a chance to bore your partner, who always seeks something new.

Reserved Partners

Complete closedness is characterized by a dislike of change, a lack of enjoyment of new things, resistance to new ideas, a lack of imagination, and disliking abstract or theoretical concepts.

A beautiful woman is sad

This is a profile with less chance of falling in love with someone else, precisely because of these characteristics.

However, if it does happen, it is highly likely to be a return to a familiar person, perhaps someone from the past or a coworker. Such people generally stick to known territories and things.

Your best chance in this case is to stay close to the person and, when unpleasantness occurs with the new-old crush, to win them back.

With this profile, you must also proceed patiently and slowly, at their pace. Rushing such people will not work, and pressure will achieve nothing. Here, the strategy relies heavily on the bad moments with the other person, when you can come into the picture.

What to do: Be patient and wait for the relationship with the new person to falter. Then, be your partner’s way out.

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2. Conscientiousness: How to Manage Very Conscientious and Partners With Little Conscience

Conscientious Partners

Thoughtfulness, reasonable emotional control, and goal orientation. They plan, think things through, and consider the consequences. They spend time preparing, finish essential tasks right away, pay attention to detail, and enjoy having a set schedule.

This type can experience infatuation due to fatigue from their responsibilities and conscientiousness or as an exotic new experience.

Guy fall out of love

Conscientiousness is a matter of the superego’s dominance. People who live by the superego’s principles can become tired of duties, responsibilities, organization, etc. They might then desire to live for a period (short or long) according to the id’s principles, which are entirely opposite. The id operates on the pleasure principle (and aggression, but that’s not our focus here).

If your partner starts following the path of pleasure and sets aside their “character,” they will return to it sooner or later. In that case, your role would be to:

  • Remind them of their values, conscience, and moral obligations.
  • Wait for a (short) period while they explore this new excitement.

They usually return to their path relatively quickly. When that happens, people who are not on their path (e.g., those more oriented towards pleasures) seem repulsive and irresponsible to them.

Your role is to be their partner in conscientiousness. Support and understand them, and help them achieve their goals.

What to do: Remind them of their conscience and demotivate them from pursuing recklessness (a little hyperbole wouldn’t hurt 😉).

If they still choose “recklessness,” be patient and wait for it to pass.

Complete Lack of Conscientiousness

A person dancing on stage. A partner who has fallen in love with someone else

Complete lack of conscientiousness includes disliking structure and schedules, making messes and not taking care of things, failing to return things or put them back where they belong, procrastination, and not fulfilling obligations.

Given that this profile lacks responsibilities, organization, and accountability, if such a person falls in love with someone else, you can count on and try the following:

  • Count on them getting tired of such behavior.
  • Try to be similar and not let their behavior annoy you too much. Only those who are identical to them can stay with them.
  • Don’t try to change this person; you’ll only irritate them. You can only change yourself.
  • Count on your partner continually repeating the same behaviors, making it unsustainable for you and anyone else.

Your options are to accept your partner’s disorganization and become irreplaceable to them as the rare person who tolerates it.

What to do: Wait for the other person to get tired of their disorganization and irresponsibility while you are the one who forgives it all.

They may leave and return, but you should be someone who always waits for them. Don’t waste time scolding and arguments—they won’t affect them.

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3. Extraversion: How To Manage Extroverts and Introverts

Group of people in bar

Extraversion

It is sociability, excitability, talkativeness, assertiveness, and high emotional expressiveness. They enjoy meeting new people, enjoy being the center of attention, have a large circle of friends, and are adept at making new acquaintances.

If you are in a relationship with such a person and they fall in love with someone else, you can distract them with new, attractive, and fun experiences.

You can also rely on the fact that this person will likely get bored with the new person relatively quickly (unless the new person is genuinely elusive… in which case, count on the elusiveness of the third person). Of course, you may not gain anything from this, but they will likely not stay together due to your partner or the third person.

In this case, your extrovert partner might come back to you. Unfortunately, this may not be the best sign because they might return to rest and immediately seek new challenges.

You can organize social opportunities and draw attention to them within the company. In that case, they might see you as a valuable asset in their extroverted life.

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Your role is to organize their stage and constantly surround yourselves with people as a couple. They don’t necessarily need a new partner as much as they need personal expression and admiration.

Additionally, it’s a good idea to allow them freedom, be patient while they try new experiences, and participate in those new experiences. This is precisely why they might stay with you: You give them complete freedom to be who they want.

They can also be narcissistic, so you can always praise them, put them in the spotlight, and help them achieve their dreams.

What to do: create new, interesting, and fun experiences + allow them freedom + praise them and push them to the forefront + surround yourselves with people.

Complete Introversion:

Attractive man working

Reserved, prefers solitude, feels exhausted when socializing a lot, finds it challenging to start conversations, dislikes making small talk, carefully thinks things through before speaking, and dislikes being the center of attention.

Typically, such profiles do not easily fall in love with new people because it complicates their lives. They may eventually fall for people who:

  • Allow them to remain introverted.
  • Extroverts, because they find them exotic.

If you are not providing an introverted life, and that’s why they turned to someone else, I suggest making new agreements about your mutual functioning. You may have been doing things together until now, so you can start doing things separately (if you are someone who needs more action).

It would be important to emphasize that you are doing this as a favor to your partner and that they understand it as a sacrifice on your part that has given them a sense of freedom. If they see you as someone who has sacrificed for them, they might stay with you because not everyone is willing to sacrifice for someone else.

If your introverted partner falls in love with an extrovert, they will resolve it themselves over time. Although they are occasionally attracted to people who live differently from them, they eventually get tired of it.

Another option is to wait for the new person to get bored with what your partner offers, which can generally be very limited.

What to do: Provide your partner with opportunities for introversion + act as though only you can offer this to them.

Let your partner resolve the situation on their own (when they get to know each other, they and their new crush).

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4. Agreeableness: How To Manage Agreable and Desagreable Partners

Group of friends

Agreeableness

Agreeableness encompasses kindness, trust in others, altruism, empathy, cooperativeness, interest in people, care, and a love for helping others.

With cooperative people, agreements can be reached. One agreement could be for them to cut off contact with the person they are fascinated with. This break in contact could give you extra time to demonstrate the advantages of living and being in a relationship with you. The problem, of course, is that agreeable people are cooperative with everyone, which means they will also be with that other person, so it might be expected that such a person will try to fulfill the wishes of both you and the new person.

If you are in a relationship with such a person, try to make many intelligent agreements that exclude the third person and agreements where your partner guarantees that you are their choice, along with providing positive experiences. This combination of factors might help keep your partner with you.

Then, constantly invent new joint activities, express your needs, engage your partner excessively, etc.

Plan several steps on how to sabotage communication with the new crush. Make your partner cooperate, not just once, but keep them under constant control until the third person gets tired of always being on hold.

What to do: Become demanding, make your partner agree with your ideas, and carry them out.

Complete Non-Agreeableness:

Rejected man

These individuals are competitive and manipulate others to get what they want, are not very interested in others, don’t care much about how others feel or their problems, and often hurt and offend others.

It is practically impossible to manage such profiles. They do only what they have in mind and in their interests.

They might choose you (between you and someone else) if you are highly cooperative, thus their logical match.

Another option is for one of your traits to stand out. You could look perfect, be very interesting, intelligent, prestigious, etc., providing something the person considers extraordinary while being cooperative.

Unfortunately, being cooperative might also mean letting your partner do whatever they want, including falling in love and meeting someone else, and patiently waiting for them.

If your partner chooses someone new, the only thing you can do with such a personality type (since they are the hardest to reach agreements with) is to wait for them to realize on their own that they are better off with you and to give up the new crush. Their non-cooperation is not easy to live with, and sooner or later, people rebel against it. So, here, we rely on the idea that your partner’s new crush will start imposing their rules, and your partner won’t tolerate that.

In this case, it is best to let the new person work against themselves.

What to do: You must be your partner’s best choice, preferably extraordinary and cooperative/adaptable.

5. Neuroticism: How To Manage Neurotic Partners and Those Without Neuroses

Man and woman

Neurotic Partners

Mood swings, sadness, and emotional instability characterize people with high neuroticism. They tend to experience anxiety, irritability, a lot of stress, worry about many things, get upset quickly, have dramatic mood shifts, and struggle to bounce back after stressful events.

Such individuals rarely fall in love with parallel partners (because their heads are full of unpleasant thoughts and fears about it), but they do fall for figures they perceive as powerful and brave. Their fears make them admire courageous and decisive people, qualities they chronically lack.

If such a partner falls for someone else, they might fall out of love alone. According to their personality type, they will feel worried, anxious, and stressed about what has happened. Though highly manipulative and unfair, your role could be to feed their neuroses/irrational fears about the new person.

Rejected man

Another solution is to become that brave and decisive person yourself. Offer solutions to their imaginary fears. If you position yourself as the problem-solver and protector, you become indispensable to them. Be brave, and have answers and solutions for situations they present. Be decisive and unwavering. Don’t let your insecurities show. Anyone who can partially relieve their burden of imaginary fears will become important in their life.

What to do: Become someone who will take care of their problems and convince them that only you can fulfill that role while stoking fears related to the new person.

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People low in neuroticism

They tend to be more emotionally stable and resilient, handle stress well, rarely feel sad or depressed, don’t worry too much, and are pretty relaxed.

Such people achieve what they set out to do because they don’t have the obstacles above.

If you are in a relationship with such a person and they fall for someone else, your options are:

  • Provide them with good experiences

This profile seeks positive experiences and emotions (not everyone does).

  • Be brave with them

They are tired of others’ imaginary fears.

  • Become their companion

Since they are brave, show that you admire them so much that you are ready to follow their lead.

Three people

This is more about redirecting their attention to you and them rather than separating them from the new crush.

The hypothesis is that the new crush will show traits your non-neurotic partner won’t like. You need to stand out as the better choice. For such people, the saying “like attracts like” applies.

Another option is to become exceptional in certain areas, so the person will decide on you.

What to do: Show courage, less stress, fewer neuroses, and fewer depressive states, and let the new person display those states.

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