Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

Partner Has Fallen in Love With Someone Else – Whether to Stay or Leave

Whether to stay or leave, use this text to gain insights and apply best practices.

Man and woman are sitting

The actions you take must reflect your assessment of the situation. You need to know your partner and yourself well, because whatever you decide to do must have a purpose.

The purpose can be to try to save the relationship or to find a way to live without your partner if they do not want to continue the relationship.

It is essential to understand that you are not clairvoyant and that you cannot predict the exact outcome of a situation. Things can change daily, and you also don’t know what your partner is thinking or their plan.

But, what you can do is use this text to gain better insights and then apply the best practices based on those insights. Whether that means leaving or staying, don’t forget to read the conclusion, where I’ll summarize this text for you.

  • In my career, I’ve seen people fall so deeply in love with someone else that continuing with their partner was no longer an option. Still, I’ve also seen many people who fell in love with someone else but wouldn’t consider leaving their partner out of principle, habit, gratitude, or simply because they loved them.

In any case, you need to determine who your partner is, what approach will suit them best, and what you can and cannot do.

Partner Falls In Love With Someone Else – What To Do

To clarify the situation a bit, here are some general parameters:

If You Decide to Stay Together

Man and woman are sitting and thinking whether to stay or leave

Advantages:

1. You have the opportunity to influence your partner.

This influence must be purely positive.

Whatever relationship you have or have had so far, don’t forget that you are fighting against a third person who may be providing wonderful things to your partner.

If you cannot refrain from negative comments, arguments, and insults, it’s better to distance yourself for a while. The goal is to make your partner feel comfortable around you again. People always strive for positive emotions, so this could be a chance to improve your relationship. As a result, your partner might see that there are not enough reasons to break up with you and take a risk with someone else.

This text can be interesting to read because it follows the context: How To Make a Man Fall In Love With You

2. You can renew your “vows” and recall together the reason why you entered the relationship in the first place.

Man and woman are sitting

The aim is to influence your partner’s conscience and morals. Nostalgia is always a welcome thing. Some partners value keeping their word more than their satisfaction.

  • There are some things in this text that some people will interpret as manipulation. But I wouldn’t even call it manipulation—it’s life. Whoever influences better has a better chance of saving their relationship. After all, you don’t know who’s on the other side. What if you’re fighting against a master manipulator on the other side? So, let’s fight for your relationship however we can.

3. You can create new memories and do exciting things together.

While past vows are great, the future lies ahead. This is also a better option for partners who have grown tired of the relationship and routine. It is also a good option for partners who love adventure. Ensure you provide your partner with exciting content in terms of experiences, sexual activities, and conversations.

You are practically showing your partner what you have to offer if they stay with you. You have the advantage over the new person because your partner already knows you well. Some people (many of them) like the security of familiar things and relationships.

This is a good point to assess your partner and decide based on that assessment. Focusing on traditional values and vows might work better for more stable and steadfast partners; for those who prefer excitement, offering future possibilities might work better.

4. You have the opportunity to plan a future together.

Sometimes, it is enough for people to promise a shared future, and they honor that promise. Although this can be seen as manipulating someone’s ethics and honor, I still believe that any positive influence is good if it is aimed at saving the relationship.

Of course, once you’ve agreed on what your future together will look like, you can start doing it to prove you weren’t kidding. Any positive influence can prevail in your favor.

A man and a woman are sitting next to each other and breaking up

A Potential Reason and Solution When Partner Falls In Love With Someone Else

Disadvantages:

1. Your partner won’t get the chance to experience life without you.

I once had a client whose wife fell in love with someone else. After our consultations, we agreed that, in his case, it was best to leave the relationship. It was interesting when he said, “It’s easy to be in love with some other guy when I’m fueling her tank. I wonder if she will be so in love when she has to fill her own tank and pay for it.” Ok, he was mad at her, but he was implying that it’s easy to make love when someone else is solving your practical life problems.

Unfortunately, if you stay in a relationship even though your partner is in love with someone else, your partner may also get a chance to test their infatuation while in safe territory. What would they say: That he or she doesn’t let go of one branch until he grabs another and checks how stable it is for him.

2. You won’t get the chance to grow without your partner and see what life offers without them.

Couple breaking up

If your partner decides to separate from you, staying with them means you have fewer opportunities to start building your life independently. To make new friends, try new hobbies and sports, and do things without them.

Also here remains the question of an injured ego that has not had time to recover and strengthen itself. Looking at a partner who is in love with someone else, in addition to everything you have given him, is constantly hurting your own ego.

3. You also lose the chance to experience life without them, seeing how daunting that option is or isn’t.

While you’re in the relationship, it seems terrifying because it’s unknown, but once you experience it, after some time adjusting, you might find it normal to live without your partner. It might even become an attractive idea.

If you separate and work on improving your life in parallel, while opening up new possibilities and perspectives, your relationship may seem like a thing of the past, and new possibilities a thing of the future.

Because of this, separation is sometimes necessary in order to direct energy into ourselves, instead of into that relationship, and to see what we want next after self-building.

How to Manage a Partner Who Has Fallen In Love With Someone

A man and a woman are sitting next to each other

4. A lot of your energy will continue to go into that relationship.

Especially if the partner is demanding. That alone will leave no energy for you. And you need energy in order to change some things, build yourself, heal your emotions, etc.
You also need it for your personal growth.
When you are with your partner and you give him things, you can understand it as directing your energy to another person at the moment when you need it.

5. You won’t gain a new perspective because you constantly view things from the same angle.

It’s like looking at a picture up close—you can’t see the bigger picture. Stepping back can help you see the complete picture of your relationship. Where did things go wrong? When? And how fixable are they?

Maybe you’re constantly arguing with your partner, and the emotional turmoil prevents you from seeing the situation objectively.

By distancing yourself, you might realize you no longer want the relationship. I’m not suggesting anything, but sometimes stepping away is a good option.

Why Does It Sting the Most When Our Partner Chooses Someone New Over Us?

If You Decide to Separate from Your Partner

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You can’t predict the outcome here, either. It might be great news for your partner, who is already ready to separate from you, or it might be a reality check for them.

  • Note: If you leave your partner, you must take everything you provide with you. I don’t just mean material things, although those are also in play (like a car, for instance, if it’s your car and your partner uses it). Of course, follow the law regarding material possessions. But when I say you must take everything you provide, I mean services, contacts, support, help, sex, etc.

The basic idea of leaving is to create distance so you can honestly assess the relationship. But why not kill two birds with one stone and give your partner a taste of life without you and your support?

If you continue to provide something for your partner, even though you’ve left, they will feel like you’re still there, just with all the freedom and none of the control.

The only way to stay connected is to maintain a strictly limited, business-like relationship, if necessary (for instance, if you have children together, or share a business or household).

Is It Worth Staying With a Cheater?

Attractive man sitting

Advantages:

1. Your partner will have the opportunity to experience life without you.

This can be a strong wake-up call. Don’t forget, while your partner is infatuated with someone else, they are still receiving your libido (Freud) from you. They get services, advice, help, support, contacts, entertainment, security, stability, etc. All these things are consumed daily and taken for granted.

When you distance yourself, they will have the chance to experience life without all these things that make their daily lives easier.

They will also get to experience life with what the third person offers. Here, we’re counting on habits. Habits are a powerful force working in your favor. They become part of our personality and are not easily given up, even after many years without them.

This move might also make your partner quickly realize that the person they’re infatuated with doesn’t provide what they want.

It can speed up the process of coming back.

Because of the changed reality your partner now has to live in. Without your support, life can become much uglier and harder for them.

How To Make Your Ex Regret Leaving You

The woman is sitting on the bench after the breakup

2. It might be the first chance for your partner to see their infatuation from a new perspective.

We have a saying: you can’t really know someone until you’ve eaten a bag of salt with them, referring to the passage of time.

By distancing yourself, you give your partner the chance to see the other person without any illusions, exactly as they are. And believe me, they’ll see everything. No matter how great someone is, they bring their flaws into the relationship.

So, by removing yourself from the relationship, you eliminate the forbidden fruit effect that makes people crave what is forbidden, the mystery, the fantasy, etc.

Now that you’re gone, everything with that person is more real and tangible, which is often the quickest reason why people come back. Because they discover things they don’t like about the new partner.

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How to Love Yourself: 19 Exact Steps

3. You will have the opportunity to try new things in your life.

You will have the chance to see what else is out there. And there is a lot, only you have chosen to shape your life around your partner and your relationship.

If you separate from your partner, you’ll have access to new hobbies, people, loves, business opportunities, chances for advancement, etc.

The essence is that you will have a lot of time and energy that you used to invest in your partner, and you can now invest in yourself. As a result, you can flourish and discover new paths and opportunities in your life.

4. You will have the chance to observe your relationship from a new perspective.

You might be so caught up in the obligations that come with your partner, as well as the emotions and thoughts that accompany them, that you’re unable to objectively assess your relationship. What does it bring you, how happy are you in it, are you progressing in it, etc.

A beautiful woman walking

By distancing yourself from your partner, after getting through the initial period (which can be very emotionally difficult), you’ll be able to look at your partner and the relationship from different angles. Does this relationship fulfill you? Is this partner, who has fallen for someone else, really the best person for you?

Who knows. After this assessment, you might realize that they did both you and themselves a favor by taking a different path.

Your Partner Broke Up With You—What Are Your Solutions?

5. You will have the chance to reinvent yourself and return to the relationship as someone new.

The energy and time you spend without your partner can be used to reinvent yourself.

Maybe your relationship has changed in the wrong way because you’ve fallen into a routine (because you don’t have time for anything else).

In order to change your relationship, it is necessary to change the dynamics between you. And in order to change the dynamics, you need to change. So your change serves to change the relationship

Separation is not a bad idea if you will work on yourself during that period. The goal of this is to:

  • Use this time away from your partner to improve yourself and your life.
  • Return to the relationship as a different person.
  • Gain new confidence because you have changed.
  • Set new conditions and standards for your relationship due to these changes.
A beautiful woman sitting

Disadvantages

1. You deprive your partner of exposure to you.

And that might be the best thing you can offer them. If you have a good idea of how to improve your partner’s life, you will lose that opportunity.

You also lose the chance to talk to your partner, to plan the future, and to get information about yourself and what they would like you to change.

How to Keep Your Dignity in Relationship

2. You give your partner space and time for the other person.

If that person is skilled in playing their game (I’m sorry to put it this way, but I’m not a big fan of stealing other people’s partners, so it had to come out somewhere), this can leave room for manipulating your partner.

  • To be clear, I have nothing against breakups, but I’m not a fan of leaving a relationship because of a third person, poaching, unfair play, wasting the time of the one who will be left out, etc. If you’re not satisfied with the relationship, break up, be honest, and then look for your happiness. Otherwise, you come off as a bit of a coward and an opportunist. Afraid to leave, yet using the benefits of both worlds.
Rejected man

Back to story: This person can claim that you’re not loyal; they will have more opportunities to showcase their strengths; they will have the chance to plan a life together with your partner and create memories, etc.

While I’m considering that she or he will also show their flaws, their virtues (which she might even be faking just to eliminate you from the equation) can be very attractive, and you will have left your partner exposed to them.

  • Once, I had a client who was torn between two women. His regular partner, who was focused on her business and with whom he had been for two years, and a woman who cooked traditional meals for him and provided traditional female “care” for eight months. He chose his partner despite the challenge. After he broke up with that third person, she admitted to him that she actually hated cooking but did it for him.

The double-edged sword here is that if you leave, you might push your partner directly into the other person’s arms, but if you stay, you could lose several of the advantages we listed earlier (like your partner experiencing life without you).

A beautiful woman sitting

You must carefully assess what you want and what you are ready for. If you’re 50-50 about staying or leaving, just decide something. Choose the option that seems more manageable to you.

Because none of this is done emotionally, but rather to manage the situation.

Whatever you can endure, carry out, and use to your advantage, let that be your choice.

And stick to your choice for at least a while. Since no one knows what is best, it might turn out to be the best. Dee.

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