If you are wondering: My ex left me for someone else, what should I do? We’ve covered three instances. Each of these factors influences whether you should take back a partner who tries to return.

I and my disclaimers… which might save your life.

1. Unfortunately, you may not know exactly why your partner left. They almost certainly won’t tell you. You may never find out, but try to consider these reasons and determine which is most likely for your partner who now tries to return.

2. I’m not keen on returning a partner who left for someone else. There is one scenario where this is acceptable and precisely one specific set of actions to make that relationship work again.

3. When the partner tries to return, the relationship must be raised to a higher level.

4. You need to combine these three scenarios and conclude which path to take.

So, if your ex left you for someone else, you should answer these questions:

1. How Long Were You Together?

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You Breakup After a Short Relationship (Less Than 6 Months)

You Maybe Weren’t What Your Partner Wanted From The Relationship

Recommendation:

Don’t go back to this relationship. It’s doomed to end, even if you become what your partner wants.

The problem lies in how your partner once labeled you as not sufficiently attractive (physically, mentally, spiritually, materially, intellectually, etc.) for a relationship. Even if you become what they want, there will always be a seed of doubt. Also, people don’t like to change their roles relative to others. They don’t like losing their upper hand once they’ve had it.

The Partner Has Their Reasons For Being Unable to Commit

Reason They’re Trying to Come Back: The person they left you for experienced the same fate with them as you did.

Fact: If they haven’t resolved this reason, it will persist in your relationship, and the leaving will likely repeat.

Why doesn’t he want me?

After a Long Relationship (Over 1.5 Years)

The Partner Was Disappointed in You and Chose Someone Else

The disappointment is based on something—you genuinely did something. Something that hurt or offended your partner, lowering you in their eyes. Can You Get Your Ex Back After Hurting Them?

Or maybe you didn’t do anything terrible, but your partner claims to be disappointed. Perhaps you don’t get along with their parents, who are very important to them, or something similar. It doesn’t even have to be real.

Reason Why Partner Tries to Return: The relationship with the other person fell apart. You were not their first choice, but since no one better came along, they decided to give it another try with you.

Fact: This is a “let’s see if it works this time” scenario. It’s not about love or a need for you; your partner is using rational thinking and convincing themselves to give you another chance.

In that case, if you decide to continue that relationship, don’t dwell on the other person who came into the picture after you. Your relationship is still too fragile to add potential arguments to the disappointment.

• If you realize that their reasons for leaving are superficial or implausible, made up or are vague, understand that this person has a tendency to deceive and lie to you. And to leave you. And they will do it again.

• They probably just came back for a quick check + to get something from you.

Why You Feel Guilty About the Breakup

They Don’t See a Future with You

Your partner might not say this outright, but they’ve likely given themselves enough time to assess the situation and you, and decide there’s no future. They stayed with you as long as it suited them for personal reasons (studying, recovering from a previous relationship, etc.).

You must listen carefully and evaluate what your partner says (or has said). Assess what they admire and what they think is essential for a partner to have in order for them to stay.

Reason They’re Trying to Come Back: They believe they can quickly get something from you that you provide.

Recommendation:

• Check through conversations how your ex sees his future and whether you fit in there somewhere. Also check with which type of partner he sees his future. Maybe you don’t recognize yourself in it.

• Don’t waste time on this relationship. If your partner has already labeled you as someone with no future together, that won’t change, and you’ll just lose another 1.5 years until they leave again.

Will True Love Come Back?

They Fall in Love With Someone Else

Your partner seems immature—an unstable person you can’t rely on. Of course, you must consider their age, but if they are supposed to be mature (over 25 years old), taking them back is not a good idea.

Reason Why Partner Tries to Return: Their relationship with the other person failed, and they can quickly get comfort, admiration, care, and compliments from you—all of which boost their ego.

Fact: Whatever the reason this happened, if you want your partner back, they must be punished. This relationship has a chance to succeed only under two conditions: the partner is well punished and has matured and decided to pursue maturity.

Recommendation:

Don’t allow your partner easy access to you. Make it as difficult as possible until you are sure the two conditions for their return are met.

Why Does It Sting the Most When Our Partner Chooses Someone New Over Us?

After a Long Relationship (Over 1.5 Years)

They Fall in Love With Someone Else

This is the most likely reason your partner left after such a long time. You were good for them; they knew everything about you, and you knew everything about them, but another person captivated them.

Reason Why Partner Tries to Return: The new person wasn’t as enchanting, and their relationship fell apart.

Fact: If this is your partner’s first glitch, they deserve a second chance. This can even be a good position because now your partner owes you.

Recommendation:

1. Spend some time (a month or two) talking about what happened.
2. After that period, raise the stakes.
3. Present your conditions for getting back together.
4. Tell your partner who tries to return that after such a misstep and insult from their side, your relationship cannot be the same. You can now demand to be engaged, move in together, or get married.
5. Do not settle for less.

Solution When the Partner Fell Out of Love With You?

Disappointed in You

In this case, you probably did something. You know each other well enough to know what would disappoint your partner.

Reason They’re Trying to Come Back: The other person served only as comfort for their wounded ego. They never really wanted to be with them but found it easier to get over you with someone else.

Fact: Your partner returns with great caution toward you. They have concluded that they cannot live without you and that life with you is more important than disappointment. However, they still feel uneasy around you.

Recommendation:

Do many good things for your partner. This is the only way for them to forget what you did. They must focus on new, positive experiences to forget your mistakes.

Read this text also: How To Get Your Ex Back After Hurting Them

Doesn’t See a Lasting Relationship With You

You are not what your partner wants. At this point, it’s likely about external desires—things you can see. Maybe you don’t live the same lifestyle, or you don’t offer something they need, etc. Judging by everything, your partner has concluded that life with you will not be what they want and is ready to keep searching.

Reason Why Partner Tries to Return: They probably assessed rationally that you won’t interfere with their life. Let’s say you don’t bother them while they’re looking for someone better.

Fact: They reluctantly decided to leave you. The relationship will probably be rebuilt on their terms. They might set conditions that you cannot interfere in their life… In any case, if they don’t see a future with you, tried with someone else, and now are coming back, it’s likely because they’ve assessed you won’t be a hindrance.

Recommendation:

Don’t go back to this relationship. You only serve your partner’s goals (whether to become a parent, not be alone, build financial stability, etc.). Because of this, you will never be happy with that partner and will feel lonely in the relationship. Also, it’s not out of the question that they will leave for another person if they meet someone more attractive.

Why Am I Holding Onto Someone Who Doesn’t Want Me?

2. How Long You Been Separated?

Short (A Few Months)

You can see this separation period as a slip-up from your partner. They thought they could live without you, had second thoughts, and quickly realized that you were indeed the right person for them.

Of course, this doesn’t mean your partner shouldn’t face consequences for leaving, but you don’t need to see their betrayal as unforgivable.

Punishment: In this case, it serves to teach them a lesson. Also, this can be an opportunity to finally get what you want from your partner who tries to return (marriage, engagement, moving in together).

Longer (Up to a Year)

You should see this as a sign that your partner has given up on you. When they left, they had no doubts about their decision to leave.

Unfortunately for them, what they hoped for didn’t happen that year, and being the pragmatic people they are, they decided to return to you. Either to avoid losing you, because it’s the most practical option, or because circumstances in their life have changed (the other person left them, they are moving, etc.).

This is perhaps the worst option of the three because your partner decided you were not what they wanted for life, and not enough time has passed for them to change as a person, for you to change, etc.

Fact: If you return to this relationship, it’s at your own risk. A lot of caution and thought is needed to return to this relationship. Also, you need to change as a person to have any influence.

Recommendation:

Honestly, I would only return to this relationship if it was crowned with marriage, and even then, it’s questionable whether you would be happy in it.

Very Long (Over a Year)

Relationships like this have more chances than the previously mentioned ones. This means that both your ex and you have had the opportunity to change as individuals during this period. Circumstances have also changed, and with these changes, under different circumstances, you have a chance to reconnect in a new way.

How long does it take to feel better after a brakeup?

3. Whether They Returned To an Old Partner or Chose Someone New

They Returned To an Old Partner

You can assume that neither the old partner nor your ex has significantly changed (people only change if they decide to). Therefore, sooner or later, the same problems they had in the relationship that led to their breakup will reappear. So, in this case, just give their relationship time to naturally fall apart (and for your partner to come back remorsefully).

Fact: Even if your ex tries to return to you, their former partner must be completely removed from their life. Former partners often control the lives of those they have separated from, and this is neither good nor enjoyable for new people (you).

Recommendation:

The only way to have a functional relationship with your returning partner is for their ex to no longer be part of your and their lives or to be placed in an obvious and limited role.

Also, start the whole relationship from the beginning. Completely forget the previous relationship you had and the abandonment by your partner, but try to build a completely new relationship with him.

What To Do When Partner Falls In Love With Someone Else 2

They Chose Someone New

Unfortunately, this is because they deemed you less valuable than the new person. This new person might be considered more beneficial simply because they are exciting, new, exotic, etc. Another reason is that this person is special or exceptional by some criterion your partner holds.

If the reasons are the latter kind (the person possesses something exceptional to your partner), your partner can quickly become obsessed with that person.

Since we are talking about your partner trying to come back to you, be careful not to return to a partner who is still obsessed with someone else. You can relatively quickly determine this by whether they still follow that person on social media, talk a lot about them, or are in contact with them.

He/She Disappeared and Reappeared. Now What?

I hope you find this text useful. Dee