Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

11 Unusual Facts About Personality You Should Know

Understanding these 11 facts about personality allows you to effectively manage people and your interactions with them. It also helps you to stop taking their behavior personally and become more resilient to it.

A group of people are standing

Overall, this blog post aims to inform and enhance your life, not to condemn or provoke anger. It’s crucial to understand that there is no judgment here. Blaming people for their nature would be as absurd as condemning a frog for jumping or a cat for meowing.

And so let’s start by presenting some psychological facts about human nature (more precisely, facts that are of a psychological, genetic, and evolutionary nature).

1. People do things solely for themselves.

Man and woman

Even though you may think that someone’s life at least partially revolves around you, except for your parents, people think about you only in the context of “How can I get what I need through this person?”

You remain in their lives if they see they can gain something from you. If they don’t see your purpose and reject you, it’s purely because they’ve calculated the cost and benefits and assessed that they would lose more than gain. They rarely go beyond this.

  • For instance, if a girl is looking for a boyfriend, she will quickly evaluate whether the guy is what she wants and how much energy and time she needs to invest in him. If the investment doesn’t align with the benefit, for example, “I’ll have to make an effort for this guy, and I’ll get nothing special in return,” she will give up. This isn’t because the guy is terrible; he doesn’t fulfill her needs, making her investment pointless.
  • When we talk about investment, we refer to time, energy, effort, money, emotions, feelings, and everything else that can be invested in someone.
  • What they want from you can be anything: friendship, presence, financial help, advice, the reputation you bring, recognition, acceptance, family, gifts, and everything else.
Man and woman

If, however, the offer is cheap: “You will give me a lot, and I can give you little or nothing in return.” People often keep others in their lives because it’s convenient to have them around.

To better understand this, let’s remember that people are more emotional than rational beings, always calculating first whether they will be emotionally satisfied. Because of this, many great guys and girls get rejected, while some less desirable ones succeed with some people. The latter manages to satisfy them emotionally.

And even though this doesn’t sound great, it’s good news when you know that things don’t happen because of you and your flaws but because of the internal needs that can be both quirky and abstract but are uniquely theirs.

Also, in this way, you can be a part of their life. You just have to give them what they want.

2. People are aggressive.

Each of us carries some amount of aggression within. Ask Freud and Carl Jung.

For the purposes of this blog post, we’ll divide aggression into three forms: active, passive, and the worst.

Man and woman are fighting

You know enough about open aggression that we won’t talk much about it, except to say that it’s an immature mechanism called acting out, which is more suitable for younger people and children. Adults should and can behave more maturely.

Some people don’t appear aggressive, making you think what I said isn’t true. In reality, due to numerous neuroses and fears that shaped their character, they don’t dare to show their aggression openly and instead display it passively. These people lack the courage to confront someone directly, perhaps fearing they will lose that person or scared of the consequences of expressing their opinion directly.

It’s less important whether their aggression comes from the injuries they’ve suffered or if it’s their nature; the essence is that they perform small acts of passive aggression. They make snide remarks, set traps, comment in a way that undermines someone and raises doubt, and create situations where, even if they can’t harm someone directly because they lack the courage, that person hurts themselves.

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Here’s an example of passive aggression:

Man and woman are fighting

A friend’s comment, “I could never be with such a man,” referring to your suitor. And if the person listens and accepts that suggestion, she (the friend) has achieved her intention, and she hasn’t put much effort into it. Correct me if there’s anything more aggressive than destroying someone else’s life.

Passive aggression is actually more dangerous than active aggression because you can see the active one and choose to either leave or stay. You can’t see passive aggression; they can feed it to you your whole life, secretly destroying it. Passive aggression is like bedbugs on the walls of a house. When you realize what’s happening, the house has irreversibly collapsed.

The third form of aggression is the worst.

It is reserved for the most fearful people, who don’t even dare to deal with others, not even passively. They turn their aggression inward and punish themselves for others’ actions. This is a sad group, rarely considering that others are guilty and sometimes deserve punishment. They automatically feel the need to punish themselves for others’ deeds. I’ll write more about this in future posts, as it deserves a separate article.

  • Regarding aggression in people, I’ll add that most people use all three forms of aggression depending on the situation and the person. Your most beloved people, fathers, mothers, spouses, best friends, and so on, also use them.

3. People are hurt.

Each and every one of them.

A beautiful woman is sad

At a young age, they may experience hurt from their parents, friends at school, and girls and boys during adolescence. Not to mention the various others: friends, family, acquaintances, authorities—it hurts us the most when they hurt us. We also have random passersby (whom most people claim not to care about yet spend days, weeks, and months thinking about what they say).

Let’s follow the simple logic of this statement: Everyone is aggressive, as I mentioned, so everyone hurts each other.

For example, here’s a fascinating insight.

Someone might hurt you just because they’re defending themselves. I’ll explain this because it’s stranger than being hurt on purpose.

Injuries lead to wounds, and some of these wounds never heal. Very often, these wounds are so deep that people have to retreat to “survive.” If something you do or might do hurts them, they’d rather avoid you or attack you than allow those wounds to reopen. Conversely, if something they do hurts you, you’d rather temporarily avoid them than let them break you.

A beautiful woman

From there, emotionally unavailable people emerge—those who turn all relationships into non-committal ones (lacking profound emotional connections). They turn everything into humor, keep relationships superficial, or claim they don’t need anyone. They become people who push others away, and so on.

Once again, people are hurt, and you don’t know where their wounds come from or how deep they are. If your reaction aligns with their wounds or they merely think it might, you’ll suffer in their world. They’ll reject you if they’re more fearful by nature or hurt you if they’re more aggressive by nature.

4. People are selfish.

They will always grab for themselves. It’s the law of survival.

They will always take what they need the most—emotions, money, companionship, conversations, or anything else. No matter what it is, what they take for themselves is not essential. What matters is knowing that people are primarily selfish beings.

This starts in childhood. A baby doesn’t care whether mom slept or not. It wants what it needs. We practice selfishness from a very young age because we need it to survive.

It’s also important to know that they won’t consider you too much. If they need something from you, they’ll focus intensely on getting it, and there’s almost no mechanism for them to say, “Wait, let’s see what you need.”

Man and a woman are walking side by side

A less selfish attitude involves decisions, and we’ll discuss that today a little bit. But people are selfish and will take everything, even if they have to snatch it. And they don’t care whether you want to give something or not.

Now, if it happens that you both give each other what you need, it’s ideal.

However, the problem arises if your needs don’t overlap or if it’s challenging for someone to provide what the other wants while still taking care of themselves. But that’s a much broader topic. Let’s get back to our subject.

5. The unconscious minds of people are what drive them.

A beautiful woman thinking

What we picked up as good or bad in childhood—what we adopted, what we’re not even aware of—guides us much more than our rational and conscious mind. As helpful as it would be to start with common sense, it’s practically impossible because the conscious mind isn’t in control.

Let’s go through an example again.

It would be reasonable to fall in love with the guy who does the most for us. But we fall for someone who won’t. Why is that? Because there’s something in your unconscious leading you to such people, and it will always whisper in your ear: the nice one is boring; you need the not-so-nice one. He’s exciting precisely in the way you like it. When I say exciting, I mean it’s actually a rationalization. You feel something else that you need on a subconscious level, but you say you chose him because he’s exciting. As you can hear, this blog post can expand and expand (and it will).

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6. People are the same in all relationships.

People

You’re constantly annoyed about other people who seem to have had a better experience with the same person with whom you had a bad experience. For example, you might believe that your partner’s new love will be happier with them and fare better because they will treat them differently.

You don’t have to be upset because we don’t have eight natures.

We have one nature and always express it the same way toward people.

For instance, if your partner was grumpy, causing fights, and now they have found a new partner and you’re jealous because everything seems to be blooming there, you don’t have to be. Sooner or later, they’ll start grumbling to them, and they’ll be exactly the same as with you. The only difference may be how that third person tolerates it. But somehow, I don’t think that’s your problem.

If you could handle your partner’s character better, you could still be together. The point is that people are always the same, and you shouldn’t delude yourself with fantasies that you’ve had the worst experience with them. Everyone has the same experience with them; some just cope better.

7. People will conduct experiments on you.

Handsome man with eyes closed

Very often, you’ll serve as an experimental bunny.

Some do it because they’re malicious and curious about how you’ll react and how a particular situation will end for you. Others experiment with you for benign reasons—to appear better than you. If you’re now wondering how these reasons can be benign, go back to that story about selfishness.

Let me explain. For example, if someone convinces you to break up with your boyfriend, it’s often because they want you to be the first to break up and see how it ends. The idea is that they can follow your example after you, especially if it turns out well for you. Also, to avoid doing something they talked you into if it didn’t work out well for you. From this, they obviously get a double benefit: now they’re finally better than you—something related to the hierarchies we all live in.

We also have another subcategory—those who persuade you to leave your boyfriend so they can become like them, or those who kept theirs and want to be better than you, as I said. This is more related to feelings of lesser or greater value, but let’s say everyone aims to be better than the other person.

Where they can beat you down, that’s where they’ll do it.

8. Nothing happens by chance, and people make decisions.

There is no higher power guiding anyone in the world (aside from those who are psychotic), and nothing happens by accident.

Man and woman

People decide how to behave, even those for whom you find countless justifications for their actions.

When we like someone (this applies to friends, family, and business associates as well, but let’s focus on relationships for a moment), we’ll invent thousands of reasons why they did this or that.
They didn’t contact me because their phone ran out of battery and because their sick grandmother kept them at home.

In reality, the truth is that he didn’t contact you because he made the decision not to, and this changes the perspective. Because when you think that something is happening to someone spontaneously, there’s a lot of room for maneuvering and different interpretations. They love me, but they didn’t have time. They didn’t mean it that way. It doesn’t happen to them often. It’s because of their parents. That’s their nature…

However, when we accept that people make decisions, then that’s it. Game over.

We have to face the truth that a person has decided to do something that we might not like. To yell at us, not to call us, to hurt us, to reject us. And as unpleasant as this prospect is, it’s actually very pleasant in the sense that you have fewer dilemmas about people.

In front of you is what it is: someone has decided to be what they are, and at least you see them honestly for who they are. Realistically, they would have made a different decision if they wanted it differently.

11. People are always right.

Even when they are wrong, they still try to be right.

Man and woman

This is where ego-defense mechanisms come into play. If you’ve never heard of them, their role is to protect oneself (the self) and one’s self-esteem.

Let me clarify through two interesting mechanisms: rationalization and denial. A good example of rationalization can be found in Aesop’s fable about the fox and the sour grapes (today, the expression ‘sour grapes’ is used when someone desires something but can’t have it). That’s precisely my rationalization: I didn’t want it anyway. I don’t need it. I didn’t do it because…

The idea behind rationalization is to align ourselves with the external world and be right. (When the fox couldn’t reach the grapes, she said it’s better she didn’t, as they are probably sour.)

On the other hand, denial negates that something happened, even though it did. “You offended me.” “I didn’t!” The person genuinely believes it, having their own version of events.

The essence is that people use 62. ego defense mechanisms.

This way, they always end up being correct and protect their ego from injury. As you can see once again, they are not evil, malicious, or crazy; they are just doing what is typical for human behavior and nature.

Man and woman

So, don’t be surprised when you know you’re 100% right about something, but someone insists on the opposite. They are right in their perspective and will even go so far as to find evidence to support their claim, even resorting to psychotic mechanisms (an excellent example of psychosis is conspiracy theories, claims of being monitored by aliens, supernatural events people swear happened, etc. “I couldn’t find my keys, but then an angel spoke to me and told me where they were.”)

There you go.

There’s much more to say, but I hope you’ve learned something from this presentation. If you have, write your thoughts in the comments.

Once again, a note: people are not bad.

grandfather

We would never say snakes, scorpions, leeches, or hyenas are evil. They have their own nature, just like people. The difference is obviously that people make decisions about what they will be.

That is why people who manage to see others, consider them, and be empathetic because of what they see. To decide to take care of others.
For example, instead of keeping you as a backup, someone who doesn’t want you could tell you why they don’t want you and leave you alone. But so few people do that.

But, as you hear, there’s always a better way, and we can always be better people if we decide to and overcome our selfish nature.

We are all incredibly complex, intertwined, and intricate networks of different things: feelings, consciousness, emotions, needs, ideas, fears, character traits, wrong teachings, good decisions, childhood, present, plans for the future, etc. The facts I’ve presented in this blog post stem from our complexity and will manifest differently in relation to who we are.

Man and woman are sitting

Just a few days ago, I talked about how it’s different whether you’re cooperative and have more or fewer neuroses.

Because agreeable + lack of neuroses means that we make decisions taking the other side into account. While cooperation + excess neuroses mean that we withdraw and let the other side make decisions. So, one change in our character results in many changes in our lives.

However, the traits I listed fall under general and valuable knowledge about people.

They should help you better understand the people in front of you and their reasons for doing certain things. Each of these traits is superficially explained in this post, but enough to get a general picture of the people around you because we tend to observe things from our own personal and very narrow perspective.

In contrast, a change in perspective can bring us extraordinary benefits.

Dee

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