It’s natural to want to fight for what you once had. But sometimes the quest to rekindle your romance with your ex can be a complete waste of time. See what the signs are that you’re wasting your time trying to get your ex back.
First of all, I want to share something from my professional experience. I won’t sugarcoat it, and I won’t tell you just what you want to hear.
But the truth is, even when it seems like the end, it doesn’t have to be the absolute, final, and definitive end.
People leave and return to our lives. Circumstances change. We try something new, only to return to familiar things.
So if you love someone and they say it’s over, that’s possible. But often, it’s only temporary.
And no, I’m absolutely not suggesting that you keep focusing on this person and spend your life waiting for them. If someone says it’s over, respect that.
Continue living your life separately from that person and try to find your happiness elsewhere. However, you never know if you might find your way back to each other, so don’t despair.
- Follow this healthy logic: If you’re meant to come back together, there’s no sense in despairing in the meantime. If you’re not meant to, then that person isn’t the right one for you (even if your emotions make it hard to see that now) and was just a temporary part of your life. In that case, there is no point in despairing.
I want to say: “Everything will be all right in the end. If it’s not all right, it is not yet the end.” – Patel, Hotel Manager, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
But let’s get back to our topic:
What Are the Signs That You’re Wasting Your Time Trying to Get Your Ex Back?
We’ll divide the signs into Obvious and Not-So-Obvious.
Obvious Signs
Ignoring messages or calls
This is a pretty obvious sign that someone doesn’t want to rekindle the relationship.
However, this behavior could also mean something else.
If you’re trying to win back your ex, it might be a moment where they have the upper hand over you and could be enjoying that power.
It’s not the first time I’ve heard of someone who enjoys having their ex chase them. It makes them feel secure because they know their ex wants them back, allowing them to enjoy the single life a bit longer, plus the bonus of “teaching” the ex a lesson.
However, suppose this behavior has been going on for a while, where your ex isn’t responding to your messages or calls, or only responds with long delays and short replies. In that case, it’s often a sign that they’re not interested in getting back together.
You can tell which of these it is by how long it’s been going on. If this behavior has been consistent for a while, consider that you’re wasting your time trying to get your ex back. After all, no one would risk playing the rejection game with someone they love for too long—they might lose them.
📍Test this by not reaching out for a week. If your ex doesn’t contact you during that time, it might be time to move on.
How to get your ex back – 11 detailed steps
Avoiding Meetings
Another client of mine experienced a situation where her boyfriend clearly showed signs that he didn’t want to reconcile. Whenever they were supposed to meet, he always had some obligation. What’s more ironic is that they were supposed to meet among friends, as they share the same social circle. He stopped showing up where she would be.
- Disclaimer: She did behave quite inappropriately towards him in social settings, but this was an obvious sign that it was over.
If your ex avoids meeting you, it could mean they don’t want to reconnect.
📍 Test this by creating a “spontaneous” opportunity to do something they enjoys together. For example, you could get two tickets to a game or a concert of their favorite band. If they also turns that down, it might be time to move on.
Why Would Someone Who Loves Me Leave Me?
They Are Openly and Directly Telling You That They Don’t Want to Reconcile or That They Moved On
Now, I know I’m starting to sound like those who say: “No doesn’t necessarily mean No,” but… People say all sorts of things in moments of anger and frustration. They also make all sorts of threats when they want to hurt their partner.
The context in which something is said and under what circumstances is critical. Were those words part of an argument or delivered calmly as information? This is your chance to understand whether this is a sign that you’re wasting your time trying to get your ex back or if it’s just his frustration coming out.
In this case, I also suggest taking a step back for about ten days without contact. This would give enough time for your ex’s feelings to settle and for them to start missing you. It might also make them wonder where you’ve been.
And if you’re worried that this might make you lose them, people don’t work that way. When someone decides to leave, they leave regardless. When someone loves us and wants us, they stay no matter what. Don’t be impatient or hysterical—you won’t achieve anything with that.
Don’t be afraid to break contact. Maybe that’s exactly the initial push you need.
📍 Step back, and after ten days, reach out to them again. If he repeats the same statement, then it’s over… for now 😉
How To Make Your Ex Regret Leaving You
They Are Already in a New Relationship
Here I go again, but it depends on how long that relationship has been going on. Most new relationships fall apart after two to three months, so if your ex is in a new relationship, be a little patient. Give them a chance to break up 😁
If you love them, you’re not in a hurry to move on, so wait a bit to see what happens with new happy couple.
However, if your ex has been in a new relationship for a while and it seems stable, happy, and satisfying—then it’s probably over.
As I said, things can change and turn around in a single day, and countless times, you and I have heard that relationships fall apart. But never risk your life and waste it waiting for someone.
If the partner returns and you’re still single—that’s fine. But if they moved on… then you should move on, too. Don’t let them “win” on other fronts, meaning don’t let them waste your life while they are happy.
Partner Chooses Someone New Over Us – What to Do
Lack of Initiative
Indeed, suppose you’re the only one trying to re-establish contact or initiate conversations, and they show no initiative. In that case, it’s a clear sign that they are not interested.
If you assess that this behavior is not just them punishing you but genuine disinterest in hearing what’s going on with you, where you are, etc., then it’s a sign that it’s time to move on from that relationship.
📍 Test this by distancing yourself to see if he’ll reach out within two weeks. If he doesn’t, it’s probably over. If he contacts you to see if you’re okay—it’s not great, but it’s a little better. If he reaches out with something that shows some emotion—that’s good and means it’s not over.
Not-So-Obvious Signs to Watch Out For
Superficial Conversations
Superficial conversations might be overlooked as a sign, but you should take advantage of them. They can be quite detrimental because people can maintain contact with their exes for a long time, giving them false hope that there’s a chance for reconciliation.
I once had a client who told me: “And so, dear Dee, here I am, sitting and staring at my phone for four years now, wondering if she’ll ever reach out.”
Pay attention to the quality of your conversations. If they remain superficial and never delve into deeper topics, it might indicate that they are not interested in rekindling the relationship.
Does they talk to you with enthusiasm? Does they inquire about you? Does they initiate conversations?
If none of that is happening and your topics are… empty, just like their energy and enthusiasm for you, it’s time to move on.
📌 Note: Even if you have high-quality conversations, be cautious that you don’t end up in the friend zone. Sooner or later, ask your friendly ex: “What are we doing here? Do you just want to be friends, or is there a chance for us to get back together?”
Why Am I Holding Onto Someone Who Doesn’t Want Me?
Constantly Bringing Up Past Mistakes
This means either:
- It’s important to them.
- They enjoys a little power trip by explaining how you messed up and why things are irreparable.
If the latter is the case, your ex might be vindictive, a narcissist, or even a sadist. They enjoy rehashing adverse past events, each for their reasons.
So, if your partner never talks about ways to fix things but always focuses on the negative, it might mean they enjoy torturing you, knowing that you want to get back together. And does that mean your relationship is truly over? Or would you stay with someone who takes pleasure in tormenting you?
Of course, there’s also the first option—that your partner is complaining because you did something that, by their standards, is truly unforgivable, and they’re trying to explain how much you hurt them.
📍 Test this by offering a way to make amends. Offer this a few times, and if the response remains the same—that they can’t get over what happened—then it’s over.
How To Get Your Ex Back After Hurting Them
Lack of Jealous Reactions
I had an interesting conversation a few days ago. It started with a client saying, “Something really, really bad happened. I’m struggling because of it. He didn’t react to my story with another guy. And he doesn’t know that guy. And you and I both know how jealous he is. I think it’s a sign that he’s finally over me and has moved on.”
Indeed, the absence of jealousy can be a sign that someone is no longer interested and that you’re wasting your time trying to get your ex back.
In my client’s case (considering the breakup happened recently, and it’s still too early to tell), her ex may be trying to get her attention by ignoring her… now that I write it out like this, it sounds a bit funny:
She tries to get his attention by posting pictures with strangers on her stories, and he tries to get hers by ignoring those pictures 😊
But, this could be a sign that it’s the end. If your ex-partner is known for being jealous, and you’re giving them reasons to be jealous, yet they don’t react, they may have mentally placed you somewhere where it no longer matters who you’re with.
Some exes are even jealous that their exes are alone. You might hear statements like: “Have you found someone yet? Are you enjoying someone else’s attention now?” If this stops happening, it means your ex is okay with the idea of you being with someone else, and you’re wasting your time trying to win them back with jealousy.
Also, be careful not to provoke jealousy overly. Some very proud people won’t tolerate this, and it might actually be the final deal-breaker rather than whatever initially led to the breakup.
Curiosity About Your Life, But Without Emotion
So, you have conversations, meet up now and then, and they never refuses to see you but shows little interest in your life. And if they are happy to see you, it’s in a friendly way, without any emotion.
It’s possible that they’re just a very polite and kind person who believes you should stay friends, and that might be why you still meet or talk on the phone.
You can gauge this based on their character. If they’re generally this way with people—never gets angry, avoids bad blood, and are cooperative—this might be your answer. They doesn’t want you as an enemy, but they doesn’t want you as a partner, either.
📍 Ask them. Since they are kind and doesn’t push people away but rather keeps them in their life, they will probably be honest with you.
How Long Does It Take To Get Over a Rejection?
Changes in His Behavior Toward You
They genuinely pushing you away. They really doesn’t want you anymore. They are rude to you or, at best, cold and uninterested.
Someone who was once warm and wanted you in their life suddenly behaves like you’re a nuisance.
Again, if this isn’t the initial phase of the breakup, where they might be trying to give you a taste of your own medicine and hurt you, then it’s a clear sign that your ex doesn’t want to be with you anymore and that you’re wasting your time.
However, if it’s the early stage (the first two weeks after the breakup), I suggest you alternate between withdrawing and engaging with them until they says what they needs. Maybe you did something that made them feel the need to express their disappointment and pain, so you might want to give them a chance to vent. People often need to share their side of the story.
But this venting should last no more than two weeks; after that, it’s time for the emotions to settle and for you to start talking about fixing things.
How to Let Go Of Someone Who Doesn’t Want You
So, I hope I’ve helped with your question: What are Signs You Are Wasting Your Time Trying To Get Your Ex Back
The bottom line is that if you’re unsure whether it’s still worth trying with your ex, it’s best to test it. I’ve given you some suggestions on how to do that, and until then, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this is just a temporary phase and that you were panicking for no reason. Good luck, Dee.
