Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

Your Partner Broke Up With You—What Are Your Solutions?

Obviously, different reasons for breakups bring different options and solutions. Try to determine the reasons that led to the breakup, and in this text, you will find options for what to do.

Man and woman. Partner broke up

Partner Broke Up With You After a Short Relationship: Anything Under 6 Months

1. You Are Not What Your Partner Wanted from a Relationship

By now, you know what your ex-partner prefers. What do they admire, and what do they talk about. You can also check this through their friends and acquaintances, social networks, and based on which/what kind of people they have been in a relationship with so far, i.e., with whom they stayed in a relationship a little longer.

Getting back with this person is not a good idea. They’ve determined within this period that you are not what they envisioned. They haven’t formed a bond with you, and don’t see any reason to do so.

Solution: Practically, there isn’t one. If you’re not what this person imagined for a partner who broke up, unfortunately, they’ve labeled you in a certain way, and that label is hard to change. That mental impression sticks once people label someone. We see relatively quickly what that person offers us, and if we judge that we don’t want it, that label remains on that person.

  • It is important to understand that what someone wants does not have to have anything to do with you, but will certainly have a lot to do with your partner’s inner world (unconscious desires and preferences, fears, habits, etc.)

Recommendation: Move on. You likely didn’t become too attached to this person, but even if you did, find a way to detach. Don’t idealize them. Change your plans. Don’t let this hurt and disappointment hold you back.

The “three months” theory : How to not break up

Black couple breaking up

2. The Partner Has Reasons for Not Being Able to Bond

They might be emotionally unavailable, deeply attached to a parent, still in love with an ex, or have life plans you don’t fit into etc.

You will probably never know their reasons because they may not even be aware of them, but you may be able to guess them. This is best recognized by the fact that it seems to you that your partner is fighting an internal battle: he likes you, he wants to be with you, and this is very difficult for him.

Solution: Unfortunately, you’ll have to wait for your crush to resolve their reasons for not bonding with you. Some reasons might be resolved quickly, some might take time, and some might never be resolved.

You can be present, maybe as a friend, and provide pleasant experiences (be an enjoyable company without pressure). You can also be patient, even when they push you away and come back.

Recommendation: Don’t waste time waiting for someone you don’t know well and who might never resolve their issues. Continue living your life, and if the partner resolves their problems, they can always reach out, and if you’re still available, you can be together.

Why Break Up Is So Hard To Bear: Real Reasons

3. The Partner Doesn’t Usually Have Long Relationships

Handsome man standing

This might be their choice. Maybe they are just not mature, or there may be no specific reason for it other than their decision.

Solution: Look at this partner realistically. If you can do that, you’ll see nothing to pine over. They aren’t someone you should have idealized, and the breakup shows you don’t have the same ideas about life and relationships (you want a serious relationship, and they don’t), so you’re not compatible.

Recommendation: Don’t imagine you’re the one who will change this person. No one has the power to change someone else’s inner world. People do that themselves and usually end up with the first suitable person to come along.

However, if we take the previous warning that people mark other people, if your partner who broke up has once marked you as an unsuitable person, even if you are around them, you do not have to become their choice. In this case, the chances of you becoming their choice are higher if they have resolved their inner ideas (immaturity, prejudices, etc.) and if you have moved away and they practically “forgot” about you. Otherwise, a new, uninitiated person will have a better chance.

You can stand out and become his choice just because they decides so (because you are useful in some way, exceptional, etc.) But don’t worry. Anyone whom such a partner chooses, one day, when they mature, will become their choice for the same reasons. Because it’s useful.

It is less common to fall in love with that person.

Can an ex come back after a few months? Or years?

How to Successfully Overcome rejection

Partner Broke Up With You After a Longer Relationship: Up to 1.5 Years

1. Your Partner Is Disappointed in You

Maybe you did something, maybe you didn’t. None of us know what’s happening in someone’s inner world.

What I mean by this: maybe you didn’t know what would offend or disappoint your partner because he hides it well or because he claimed to you that what you are doing is fine for him. There is always a chance that he was hoping you wouldn’t do something, and you did.

The bottom line is that if you didn’t intentionally hurt and disappoint your partner, you probably didn’t even know that your actions would affect him so much. So, I would say that it is not your fault.

Solution: Have an honest conversation with your partner about their disappointment. The goal is to determine whether the disappointment is objective. If it is, apologize and offer to make amends.

Black couple asking: How To Get Your Ex Back After Hurting Them

If you believe you didn’t do anything wrong and your partner still claims disappointment, be cautious about manipulation. Clear communication is needed to understand each other. If your partner loves you, they will be eager for you to make amends. If they continue to push the disappointment narrative, their principles/ lies/ stubbornness might be more important to them than being with you, raising the question of how much they actually love you.

Recommendation: Apologize and make amends as your partner requests. If they remain stubborn, you should see it as manipulation and their attempt to train you to a specific behavior. In that case, do not allow it. Especially since this is reminiscent of narcissistic personalities who are particularly prone to manipulation.

Why Do People Fall Out Of Love Suddenly?

2. They Don’t See a Future with You

Your partner may not tell you this, but it’s possible they’ve given themselves enough time to assess the situation and you, deciding there’s no future.

It seems that your partner has been watching you for long enough and that he was trying to find a modus operandi with you, but he didn’t succeed. Even though they like you enough to be on the scale for so long, they still want something that you don’t offer.

Lonely man

Solution: Your partner has weighed things. You have elements they like enough, but you don’t own some that are crucial to them. Identify these elements and work on them. The good news is these are just parts of you that need changing (they wouldn’t have stayed this long if something didn’t appeal to them).

However, these things your partner wants you to change are likely parts of your character, worldview, principles, etc. They are tough to change and will require a drastic sacrifice from you.

Recommendation: If you really want this partner, take a break, change during that time, and then try to reconnect. If you’re just heartbroken but don’t need this specific partner, move on. The expectations involve radically changing fundamental parts of yourself.

Ultimately, your partner might join you and adapt or change themselves if you follow this logic.

  • Of course, change anything that isn’t good about yourself, regardless of the partner, their patience, or anything else.

The Best Way To Make Someone Regret Leaving You

3. They’ve Fallen for Someone Else

Couple in fight

Your partner seems immature and unstable—someone you can’t rely on. Consider their age, but if they should be mature (over 25), it’s not a good idea to get back with them.

The relationship has not yet evolved into something more (marriage, for example) (and if it has – even worse), and the partner has given himself the opportunity to try love with someone else. Read: he brought himself to the occasion. This is by no means a good sign in the sense that you have an immature person next to you.

Solution: Given your partner’s instability (falling in and out of love quickly, easily discarding something already built), you can wait for them to drop out of love with the new person and return to you.

The only reason to stay in this kind of relationship (that is, to get back into it) is if you love that partner so much that you are ready to sacrifice part of your life, nerves, time, energy, etc. while waiting for that person to mature.

Recommendation: Give up on such a partner. We can tolerate such behavior if they are under 25, but it’s questionable when they’ll mature. If they’re older than 25 and above, they’re already late in maturing and doing this deliberately.

Why Does It Sting the Most When Our Partner Chooses Someone New Over Us?

Three people

Partner Broke Up With You After a Long Relationship: Over 1.5 Years

1. They’ve Fallen for Someone Else

This is the most likely reason your partner is leaving after so long. Your relationship may not have progressed, and someone new caught their attention.

  • Note: People don’t fall for someone new only because the relationship isn’t progressing. Unfortunately, we can never know what’s in people’s minds. But this is why keeping partners attached to positive, progressive, and pleasant things is crucial.

Solution: Let your partner explore this new relationship. You have a history together, which wasn’t so bad if you lasted this long. When they start building their new relationship and face inevitable problems, they might regret leaving and remember what they had with you. They may not have the will to deal with new issues and will want to return to their stable story with you.

Recommendation:

  1. Don’t let them come back quickly.
  2. Focus intensely on yourself.
  3. When they want to return, read this text and precisely follow the instructions: How to make your ex want you back – 12 steps

2. They’re Disappointed in You

Shy woman

In this case, you probably did something. By now, you’ll know if your partner is a flake. You’d also know what behavior isn’t allowed, and if you’ve lasted this long, you likely adhered to that.

However, if they’re disappointed in you after so long, it suggests you did something they can’t overlook.

Can You Get Your Ex Back After Hurting Them?

Solution: Apologize to your partner and try to make amends. It takes between 8 and 22 positive experiences to counteract one negative experience. Determine how adverse your action was and how many positive things you need to do to win your partner back.

Be prepared for an extended period of making amends.

Recommendation: If your partner was a great person, try to win them back, even if it takes a year. If you haven’t succeeded after a year, despite your good deeds, give up. Although this is the most complex type of breakup because you disappointed your partner (people regret these kinds of breakups the most), you must find a way to make peace with it and move on.

Please read this text, just so you don’t fall under manipulation: Why You Feel Guilty About the Breakup

3. They Don’t See Living Together as an Option

Man and woman are sitting

You’re not what your partner wants. This likely involves external, visible desires. Maybe you don’t live the same lifestyle, or you don’t offer something your partner needs. Your partner has concluded that living with you won’t provide what they want and is ready to seek it elsewhere.

But please never forget that just because you’re not what your partner wants, it doesn’t mean you’re somehow bad. Your partner may want unrealistic, bad, silly, etc. things. They may also want things that do not match your view of life.

Try to return only to partners who really live a valuable, successful, and progressive life. They are worth the effort.

Solution:

  1. Ask your partner to give you another chance and tell you exactly what they want from you.
  2. Fulfill that, don’t give up, and practice it until it becomes your new nature.
  3. Add something of your own that will make your partner’s life better.

Recommendation: Look for a partner who is more compatible with you. It seems you and your partner fundamentally differ, and the changes you must make will conflict with who you are and what you believe in.

Again, if your partner is hard-working and you’ve been living a life that doesn’t fit with some good worldviews, consider fighting for that relationship. And, of course, the best way to do that is to change yourself while your partner likes you and gives you another chance.

Dee.

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