Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

What Heals Rejection?

If you follow these steps, you can recover from rejection much more quickly in the future. There are four things to consider when we talk about the topic of what heals rejection.

Black, rejected woman wonders what heals rejection

People who struggle with rejection usually have complex internal reasons for it. Some can’t bear the thought that their chosen person has a negative opinion of them (which might not even be the reason for the rejection). Others have experienced significant pain from past rejections and can’t allow themselves to endure such pain again. Still, others generally don’t handle negative emotions well.

More about that: 2 Psychological Reasons Behind Obsession After Rejection

When I say the reasons are complex, I mean there are layers and layers beneath this: Why can’t a person tolerate not being wanted? Why are they so afraid of emotional pain? And so on.

The complex reasons underlying human emotions need to be addressed in psychotherapy. It’s not the rejection or the emotion that needs to be treated, but something within us that has triggered that painful emotional reaction.

However, this text will focus on something I believe can help heal rejection. There are four things to consider, and if you follow these steps, you can recover from rejection much more quickly in the future.

The questions to ponder to make things more accessible are:

  1. Who is this person in front of me?
  2. Who am I?
  3. What can I do to put this person in the right place?
  4. What can I do to put myself in a better place?
Couple breaking up

Before we explore these “medications” that penetrate deep and systematically heal, like antibiotics for the psyche and emotions, there are other good practices you can follow to speed up your recovery (e.g., applying “compresses” to your thoughts and emotions).

Daily things you can do to get better after rejection:

You can read the complete text here.

  • Winning. It stimulates the release of dopamine, known as the pleasure hormone. It makes us feel superior, confident, and hopeful about the future. Additionally, it helps us maintain a positive self-image and a sense of control over our lives
  • Action. Action is about feeling in control of our circumstances. When we take action, we signal to our brain that we are resolving something and taking steps forward.
  • Working on yourself. This improves your self-image and, over time, your self-confidence. It’s also nice to receive praise from others.
  • A fulfilled life. Every 5 minutes you spend working on something else is 5 minutes you won’t be thinking about that person.
  • Socializing. It will help you see that other people accept and want you in their lives, showing that you are still a desirable person.
  • A meaning can also preoccupy you. A higher goal makes everything else seem smaller, including the rejection you face. 
  • Exercise is excellent because it helps us release positive hormones.
  • Talking to a therapist or consultant Therapists or consultants can help you understand yourself and why you found yourself in a situation where you desired someone who didn’t want you.
  • Enriching yourself. By enriching ourselves, we send a signal to ourselves that we are valuable.
  • Not harming yourself. Bad treatment toward oneself will only worsen the situation because, again, we send ourselves the signal that we are not valuable.
  • Giving yourself pleasures. You need energy, and the quickest way to get it is through your personal pleasures, because receiving rejection has sapped all of your energy

The things listed above are like compresses. They should be applied daily because they will ease the process. It’s like having a bacterial infection on a part of your body and a fever because of it. You need to treat that part of the body with warm or cold compresses, creams, powders, specific diet, etc. But for true, permanent healing, antibiotics are necessary.

Below are some of the antibiotic treatments that can profoundly help you.

Couple breaking up

1. Who is this person in front of me?

Why We Are In Love With Someone – Psychological Explanation

This is someone you’ve deemed better than others. So, in front of you is a special person. They have some qualities others don’t possess; otherwise, you wouldn’t have chosen them.

These qualities can be external and obvious (appearance, abilities, status, etc.) or internal and visible only to you.

The external qualities are easy to explain to yourself and to the world. Their “internal” qualities are a bit harder to articulate.

Although we are not talking about all visible characteristics here, such as being very attractive, charming, or intelligent, but rather about the traits you are attached to, let’s cover this as well.

Let’s say you have a truly exceptional person in front of you. Someone whom everyone admires

Despite the fact that everyone adores them, they have an inner world that you don’t know well. And in that inner world, there are things you might not like.

Also, due to their inner world, you might not be what they want, even if you are externally incredible. What if they wish for someone less outstanding? So, even if that person is ideal, how would your life together look? Would you feel secure next to them? And knowing that they once rejected you, would you ever be relaxed around such an ideal person?

When thinking about ideal people, it might be wise to consider the broader picture and imagine how all this would look for you. So that everything they are fits into your world.

It’s also worth considering: maybe you’ve imagined them to be more ideal than they are.

Black woman

But let’s get back to the topic. If we are talking about ordinary people (which everyone is, even those admired by the whole world), and you, who are in love with someone – we can say that:

These people are not unique; they just possess specific characteristics. Those characteristics align well with your inner world. Either you need them, like them, or they are familiar to you.

For instance, you (subconsciously) love it when someone is quiet. It (subconsciously) reminds you of how your father was silent.

Some specific characteristics might not even exist. You might have done all the work yourself—let’s say, invented this person. 

This is a realistic assumption because people constantly fantasize about others and, without data, “invent” or imagine things about them. We fantasize and embellish the things we want.

“She didn’t look at me. It’s because she’s so proud…”

This person has many negative traits. How do I know? We are all humans. We all have them.

Because of these facts, we can say that the answer to your question, “Who is this person in front of me?” is – No one special. Their characteristics just happened to match the needs of your inner world.

Couple

The next question you should ask yourself is:

2. Who am I if this person aligns so well with my inner world?

Why Am I Holding Onto Someone Who Doesn’t Want Me?

If you find it hard to cope with someone’s rejection, you don’t have enough self-love and confidence to overcome it.

Although it sounds like a cliché, self-love means that:

It doesn’t matter that this person rejected me. It just means they didn’t see how great I am. Obviously, they can’t see who I am for some reason.

I am so great; I know this about myself. Even when people don’t see it, I am still amazing. Therefore, I will find many others who will see my brilliance and want me because of it. This rejection, although unpleasant, is entirely irrelevant and doesn’t change anything in my life.

It doesn’t speak badly of me because I am great. If anything, it speaks poorly of that person for not seeing how great I am.

  • Note: If you think you could be better in a particular area, work on it. So, if you are constantly rejected for the same reasons, for example, even when you are exceptional, people don’t have to see it.

Of course, this assumption is that rejection hits you hard because you don’t see yourself as excellent. That’s why you can’t always maintain this little monologue with yourself. Along with this come additional questions: Why don’t I have such a good opinion of myself that someone else’s rejection feels insignificant? How did this happen?

In this line of thinking, it’s crucial to analyze yourself well, understand what you need, why you react so tragically, etc.

The next thing that can help you heal the feeling of rejection is an answer to the following questions:

A beautiful woman

What Causes Obsession With a Certain Person

3. What Can I Do to Put This Person in Their Proper Place?

Since we’ve established that your perception of this person as exceptional is due to a combination of two factors, it’s essential to work on both simultaneously. These factors are the characteristics you’ve chosen to notice and what those characteristics represent to you.

What characteristics have you chosen? The way they smile? Look? Speak? What is it exactly? It might not be just one thing, but a combination of traits. Try to articulate them.

If you manage to verbalize these traits, try to understand what they represent. Do you need what you’ve recognized? Does it remind you of someone? Is it exotic to you? Something you’ve always desired?

Once you answer these questions, you can contemplate this person further: Would possessing what they have bring you satisfaction? For how long? What if they have other characteristics (which they do) that prevent them from displaying the ones you like so much? For instance, you like their smile (it is just like your mom’s), but what if they have so many problems that they rarely smile?

Or worse: What if you don’t know this person, you’ve imagined a lot about them that isn’t true?

Man Successfully Overcome rejection

It’s worthwhile to objectively and unemotionally consider this person’s ordinariness, negative traits, and unpleasant qualities you haven’t yet discovered.

You need to place this person in a realistic, objective framework as soon as possible and healthily. As I say, bring them down from the pedestal in your mind.

Finally, in the process of moving on, you can ask yourself:

What is the best way to gain self-confidence?

4. What Can I Do to Put Myself in a Better Place?

We already have several premises. Since we know that this person aligns with your inner world, is it possible to work on eliminating whatever is in your inner world that matches them? Do you need that something?

Next, is there another way to get what you want from that person? Perhaps a better solution than suffering is to go out and look for something better or similar for yourself.

Next, of course: What can I do to become a more attractive person who gets rejected less?

Or what can I do to make myself accepted by that person? (I’m not too fond of this option, as it indicates you will change for that person, which implies you are willing to subordinate your life to their needs. But if it will improve you, why not? The reasons aren’t ideal, but the result can be good).

Do I need to change my appearance because people don’t like what I offer? What is the best thing to change? Where can I start?

And far more importantly, Do I only need to change my inner self, which makes me think this person is the best for me? Perhaps I need to change the inner reasons that made rejection so hard to bear or the inner reasons why I’m in this state now.

What can I do to become a more attractive figure externally? And what can I do to stop taking rejection so hard?

Black man

I know there are many questions here. However, they are just a guide for thinking, and if you manage to answer them, your situation will become more apparent. Clarity brings the possibility of working on the problem. And when you work on the issue, the result is relief or healing from rejection.

Also, you could improve profoundly if you properly apply these four rules from the text. Change the way you see this person, the way you see yourself. Also, change the things that can hurt you, how you handle hurt, and why you haven’t easily healed from wounds before.

I hope this text was helpful to you. Dee

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