Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

What Is The Best Way to Handle Rejection

How to respond when rejected via text message, in person, or by email. What does the manner of rejection say? What is the best way to handle rejection, and what is the most effective response when rejected?

Rejected man

The simplest answer to what the best reaction to romantic rejection is:

  1. Respond with dignity and without emotion. You can include some gentle, positive emotions. A little smile, maybe.
  2. The response should be: “Okay, but I think you’re mistaken. I know I’m the best person for _____ (relationship, you, etc.).”
  3. And don’t try to convince them further.
  4. After that, you can say, “See you in a few months.”

This would be in a nutshell, but first, let’s analyze a few things.

Why does rejection hurt so much?

The way you were rejected

If you asked in person but received a rejection by email

Man Successfully Overcome rejection

Make sure to reply via email. The person is choosing the mode of communication they prefer, so we won’t force them into something else.

The same goes for a text message: Be sure to reply via text message.

If you reached out via email or message but received a call, or if the person wants to meet in person.

They probably want to show you respect and indicate that you mean more to them than you might think. Perhaps they’re saving you for a different type of relationship (friendly) or for another time (when they sort things out with someone else). If the person engages more than you, that’s usually a good sign. *Of course, there’s a chance they’re aggressive, but you’ll see that from their confrontational or argumentative tone.

How To Behave After Rejection

If they reply through a third party.

Friends are talking about rejection

They’re cowards, and you shouldn’t send a response. You don’t want to deal with such a coward anyway.

Always pay attention to the signals the person sends you. If they don’t want to confront you in person, they have their reasons for it.

You have been rejected live

Smile. And say, “I think you’re wrong. I’m the best guy/girl on the market. But no hard feelings.” And go from there. Don’t stay sitting and talking, pretending to be a friend, or entertaining that person. Read more about this below.

How to deal with rejection and successfully overcome it

Did they tell you why you were rejected or not?

You’ve been told why you were rejected, and the reason is obvious and clear.

The response is: “Yes, you’re right. I’ll have to work on that. Thanks for the suggestion.” And that’s enough. Don’t overdo it, and don’t belittle yourself. You’re not there to humiliate yourself. You have work to do on the other side (to work on the reasons you were rejected if you want, of course).

How to stop obsessing over rejection

You’ve been told why you were rejected, but you disagree with the reasons.

The response is: “Okay, if you think so. But I disagree. There may have been a misunderstanding.” And that’s enough. Don’t try to persuade the person to explain the misunderstanding. If they want you to explain, they’ll tell you, and only then can you explain yourself.

Here, I must note that when people have already formed an opinion of you, it’s difficult for them to change it, but they might pretend to be interested in your explanations out of politeness.

A beautiful rejected woman

You’ve been told why you were rejected, but it doesn’t make sense to you

Ask for clarification on what the person meant by that. If the answer is still vague, there’s a reason why the person is giving an ambiguous answer. They’re probably protecting either you or themselves.
If the answer is more concrete, it falls into one of the above two options, so read how to react to them.

What is the best way to gain self-confidence?

You haven’t been told why you were rejected.

One reason to respond to this is to teach the other person decency. But think of this as doing a favor to the person in the long run, so think twice about it.
But if you want to go this route, tell the person that you insist they explain why you were rejected, and that’s what decent people do.
Of course, there’s a chance they’ll ignore you. Don’t react strongly to this; just realize you’re dealing with a really rude person.

The best option is to answer in this case as well: “I think you are wrong, whatever your reason is. But I will respect your decision.” Of course, after that, there is no need to continue the reassurance or conversation. Refusal without explanation means that you are dealing with a rude person. Rude people are very difficult to convince to be more polite.

A beautiful woman thinking

You should not show negative emotions in any of these cases.

I’ve said it before: dignity, integrity, and confidence are emotions you can show to improve your image.

Why We Are In Love With Someone – Psychological Explanation

What do you want to achieve by responding to rejection?

To seek revenge

This is not advisable. It’s the primal impulse stemming from your Id (Freud) and ego injury. It’s akin to someone kicking a dog (because the Id is basic and simple, like an animal within us) and the dog biting back. Nothing constructive will come out of it. You might feel better momentarily, but you’ll only permanently lose your chance with that person.

Remember that revenge is the initial impulse, and acting on impulses is never wise. In all aspects of life, it’s better to act thoughtfully, even if it’s calculated revenge. With impulsive reactions, we don’t have time to think and take actions that are best for us. It’s always better to think as rationally as possible about our goals in that relationship and then act accordingly.

To justify ourselves

Man and woman breaking up

Absolutely not. Firstly, we don’t know why someone rejected us. That’s why it doesn’t make sense to justify ourselves. It’s possible we were rejected for reasons that don’t require justification, so doing so would only demean ourselves (perhaps someone rejected us because they’re in love with someone else). In any case, justifying ourselves accomplishes nothing. There’s a saying: don’t explain, don’t complain.

If your goal is to change the person’s mind about you, justifying yourself won’t achieve that.
If you do want to do something to change their opinion of you, take action that will genuinely change their opinion.

2 Psychological Reasons Behind Obsession After Rejection

To continue the conversation and get another chance

This won’t get you a chance with the person. They’ve already marked you as uninteresting and won’t change their mind just because you’re still there. However, if you step back for a while to give them a chance to forget what they thought about you and then return, you’ll have a chance for a fresh start.

Don’t prolong discussions (negotiations, pleading, justifying, etc.) after being rejected. Instead, step back for a while, then try again when the person has forgotten why they rejected you. And they will 😉.

To show confidence (and actually get a chance)

Now, this makes sense. We’ll discuss how to do this below. A polite, articulate, and unemotional attitude is always attractive. It shows that people are comfortable with themselves and can handle rejection or criticism well. We learn a lot more about people from their attitude than one might think. If someone manages to avoid an emotional reaction, we see them as confident and dignified. And those qualities are extremely attractive and are the quickest way to change someone’s opinion of us.

A beautiful rejected woman

To change the other person’s attitude

We can only change the other person’s attitude if we have a good attitude about ourselves.

Pleading, negotiating, and convincing indicate that we’re beneath that person and need to convince them of our worth.

Threats, insults, blackmail, and passive aggression—these indicate that we have poor self-control and a higher level of aggression that we can’t manage.

Calmness, dignity, not trying to convince the other person to change their mind about us—this shows that we think highly of ourselves, and the person might actually reconsider because of our attitude.

Additionally, the other person has to wonder if they may have made a mistake because of our attitude.

Should you respond when someone rejects you?

Handsome man

I’m not in favor of not responding because it leaves a lot of room for different interpretations. They might think you’re offended, angry, or something else, and we’ve said that emotions aren’t welcome in this case, except as they really improve your image.

If you think the person will see you as dignified because you didn’t respond… maybe they will, but I wouldn’t leave anything to chance about their interpretations.

Not responding may lead the person to persuade you to stay in touch and not be angry, but as you can see, this doesn’t improve you in their eyes. In fact, you’re not changing their opinion of you; they’re trying to make up, maintain a relationship, improve your relationship, etc. This obviously has nothing to do with what you want to achieve: to make the person excited enough about you to want you in their life. This is just maintenance.

How To Handle Rejection?

Respond after someone reject you

In my opinion, the best response when someone rejects you is: “Okay. Let me know if you change your mind. I still think I’m the best person for it/you.” If you’re really confident, add, “And I think you know it too.”

This response covers almost everything and doesn’t leave a bitter taste in your or the other person’s mouth.

Attractive man standing

This message shows that you highly value yourself and that you’re not emotional because the person’s stance didn’t shake you. It also raises doubt in their minds: Did they perhaps make a mistake?

Also, this response may inspire a new idea on the other side: “Look, look! What an attitude! This person is more interesting than I first thought.”

After that, truly withdraw and work on yourself for those few months. This way, you’ve left an impression of self-assurance and self-respect. You didn’t justify or explain yourself. You didn’t try to convince the person. You simply stated confidently what you think of yourself.

Also, you will give the person space to forget why they rejected you in the first place, and if you come away changed, you will have a chance.

It’s like having a Bentley. We don’t convince anyone that a Bentley is good. It is good. It’s just that the person may need a little longer to realize its value.

But I emphasize that it is not the accent and weight of the message but the actions you take after it.
If, after that relaxed message in which you showed dignity and confidence, you do other things the person can see (through social media or from mutual friends).

Concrete actions are the only thing that can change a person’s impression of us. Words can’t do it.

Love you. Dee

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