Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

What to Do When Your Partner Falls in Love With Someone Else 2.

These are the most concrete things to do when your partner falls in love with someone else. They will give results for the largest number of people.

Woman and man. Woman asks her self What to Do When Your Partner Falls in Love With Someone Else
  • You must know your partner and make moves that are best aligned with his character. These strategies can produce good or solid results with the largest percentage of people because they deal with human nature.

We Are Strategizing

Although in my previous blog posts, I have constantly insisted on your thinking and analyzing the situation, and for that reason, I recommend that you read those posts:

  1. Partner Falls In Love With Someone Else – What To Do
  2. A Potential Reason and Solution When Partner Falls In Love With Someone Else
  3. Partner Has Fallen in Love With Someone Else – Whether to Stay or Leave
  4. Specific Things To Do When Partner Falls In Love With Someone Else 1.
  5. How to Manage a Partner Who Has Fallen In Love With Someone

This text is purely practical. Applying the things in this text could put your partner back on the right track.

Of course, there are no guarantees. Some partners have crossed the point of no return (both for them and for you), but these “games” will give you the best chances.

While these tactics may seem dishonorable and manipulative to some, they are real-life strategies. Besides, it’s a philosophical question of what isn’t manipulation (when you get sad and show it to your partner… is that manipulation or not?).

These tactics can help you “jolt” your partner, draw his focus back to you, and make him start thinking about what they are losing.

Black couple in relationship

If You Are Still Together

I emphasize that no matter how uncomfortable and unfair some of these things may seem towards your partner, don’t forget that they started it first. They fell in love first. They allowed themselves that, and for that reason, you can allow yourself some “unfairness” on your part.

1. Start Focusing Intensely on Yourself

Turn all the energy, time, and money you have been giving to your partner towards yourself. Read more about the reasons for this here: The Best Way To Make Someone Regret Leaving You, but today we are dealing with how it should look.

  • Joint obligations (house rent and financial obligations for your children) must be respected.

Initially, you will have to do this deliberately and with intent, because you probably have the habit of devoting your time to your partner.

When you think: We could go for a walk together, decide instead to go do some things (that are good for you) alone. Go to a workout, see friends, and go for that walk alone, maybe with headphones on.

Purpose:

  • For your partner to see that you are separating from him.

Since this entire blog post is about drawing your partner’s attention back to you, this is just the first move.

Black couple breaking up

Until now, he could lead his life in peace. When I say peace, I mean everything you bring to your cohabitation that aids in your partner’s peace. This has obviously opened up space for him to fall in love with someone else. However, that peace is only possible with you, who provide it.

The idea is that the partner who falls in love with someone else may feel for the first time how life will look without you. The more he feels it, the clearer his picture will be whether it’s worth it to go with that new person or stay with you. The more you give to your partner, the greater the chances are that he or she will realize that choosing another person will mean losing a lot.

  • Make Your Partner See What They Are Losing

Problems are always best solved when “attacked” from multiple angles. While your partner gains insight into what he will lose if he loses you, you improve yourself so that it becomes obvious.

The most obvious way is to do it physically, start grooming and beautifying yourself, and train intensively.

Your partner might think: I had this person when they were a worse version of themselves, and now that they are becoming a better version of themselves, someone else will take them.

People immensely dislike losing their things. And it can be especially painful if that “thing” of ours has improved. Imagine nurturing a flower. And you decide to eliminate it because it’s no longer attractive. And it suddenly starts blooming. It’s much harder to give it to someone else now that it’s the most beautiful ever.

So start blooming. And don’t stop.

Couple on date
  • Improve Your Self-Relationship

Every investment in yourself is a new proof of self-love. Every time you improve yourself, you tell yourself that you love yourself enough to invest in yourself.

Given the ego injury you’ve experienced, you could easily be in the wrong emotional and psychological place for yourself. You may doubt yourself, and your confidence may be shaken. You may think you are an inadequate partner, that you are wrong, that you are undesirable, etc.

Working on yourself serves precisely this: to start seeing yourself as desirable.

There is a mutual connection, and other people will tell you positive things about you, but above all, you will see your constant progress. Because of this, you will be proud of yourself, more satisfied (on a hormonal level), happier, more content in general, etc.

  • Improve Your Mood, at least temporarily.

If you engage in some fun activities or activities that release happiness and satisfaction hormones, you will be at least temporarily happier and won’t think with such despair about your partner, who falls in love with someone else.

Every 5 minutes of thinking about something else is 5 minutes less thinking about painful topics.

  • Open Up New Opportunities for Yourself

Every time we become better, new opportunities open up in our lives. We may look better, be better educated, connect more with people, be more groomed, etc. New opportunities can also be opportunities for a new life (if things don’t end well with your partner).

Since we don’t know how this process will end, this approach will obviously give you more chances for your partner to return, but also to move on if he doesn’t.

A beautiful woman

2. Faking Having a Suitor

This way, too, we draw the partner’s attention away from their “project,” i.e., the new love. As I said, he or she has been able to focus entirely on that person so far because they didn’t have to worry about you. However, if you fake having a suitor, it could preoccupy their attention. People don’t like losing something that is theirs, especially not to others.

How to do it:

  • Type on your phone with a smile when your partner is around.
  • Dress up for work more than usual.
  • Start exercising intensely. As if your goal is to look better. For whom? 😉
  • Be absent and thoughtful when your partner looks at or speaks to you.
  • Pretend you are going somewhere and be secretive. Go there dressed up. Of course, you can go for coffee somewhere or with a friend.
  • You can even ask a friend to participate in this, and call you occasionally, faking a conversation so that you get the chance to smile while talking to her.
  • You can change the name of some friend to something cryptic (He or She).

Everything you do must eventually be explainable and logical. The goal is not to get into a conflict with your partner but to divert his attention from that person to his jealousy.

  • You must be cautious if you have a partner who might harm you.

Many people will be afraid of this process: What if the partner gets very angry and leaves me because of it. However, from knowing people, people always fight for their things.

Only when other people want their things do they become valuable to them. Partners may leave only to threaten you, but if they fail to do so, they will return to fight for their territory. That is the purpose of what we do.

Handsome man standing

3. Give Them a Chance to Get to Know That Person Well

(While You “Have Someone”)

While you are so preoccupied with your fake love life, let your partner get to know their new crush better.

Grit your teeth and pretend it doesn’t matter to you that your partner is going his own way.

Create an atmosphere where you are preoccupied with something else.

When your partner is about to “go somewhere,” start getting ready as if you are also going somewhere.

Purpose:

  • To remove the “forbidden fruit” allure from their relationship. It’s no longer forbidden. It’s just ordinary fruit.
  • For your partner to go to his new crush with thoughts of you and what you are doing while he’s with her. This will be a good opportunity for them to get to know each other “differently.”
  • For the new crush to see him when he’s distracted, absent-minded, and nervous, and for him to see how she behaves when he’s like that.
Black couple

4. Don’t Have Time for Them

Pretend to be mysterious and preoccupied with something. Don’t be direct about what you’re doing.

Example:

  • You: “I’m going somewhere.”
  • Partner: “Where are you going?”
  • You: “I’ll be back soon.”

Also, refuse things he offers you, such as conversations, support, spending time together, and walks. Act as if you’re always busy with something and actually can’t wait for him to leave you alone so you can have time for yourself.

Of course, during that time, you can go for coffee with friends, take a walk alone, run errands, and go to the gym. As I mentioned, everything you do must be easily explainable and justifiable. This is a game of your partner’s mind.

Purpose:

  • To preoccupy your partner’s imagination and thoughts with doubt and (unfounded) jealousy.
Man and woman in relationship

5. Don’t Explain Anything

Never. Under no circumstances should you tell them what you’re doing. If you don’t know what to say, combine:

  • Avoiding answers.
  • Vague answers (“I’ll be back soon.”).
  • Neutral answers (“I’m going to a friend’s. I’m going for a walk.”).

Purpose:

  • To keep your partner on edge.

6. Openly Plan Your Life Without Him

Here, you can use many “slips of the tongue,” saying things like, “Next year, when I go there” (not “we,” but you alone).

However, given the situation, you can also be open and genuinely plan (or at least pretend to plan) a life without your partner, including trips, special occasions and events, holidays, birthdays, etc.

You can even openly tell your partner: “It’s best if we don’t go together until this situation is resolved. You have your things, and I plan to make my own life.”

Man and woman

Be cryptic so that he cannot accuse you in the future of threatening him with another person (you said: “I plan my life,” not “I plan my life with someone else”).

Do all this without anger. Never threateningly. Without excessive emotions. The underlying emotion should be indifference. Calmness. Maybe a slight smile.

So, act as if you are absent and in your own story, but not angry at your partner, just mysterious.

If You’ve Separated

1. Enhance Your Social Media

Turn your social networks and your life into the most attractive places in the world.

Let your social media become a mix of progress, exercise, success, travel, and looking your best.

You don’t have to do any of this, but for social media, pretend that you do. Dress up for a photo, post a picture, and after that, change into pajamas and watch TV.

To be clear, I prefer and recommend a genuinely fulfilling life (working on yourself, hobbies, and experiences). However, I understand some of you might not have the energy for that due to the hurt you’ve experienced.

If you’re not in the habit of posting on social media, start developing that habit.

If you really don’t like social networks – make sure that your partner receives messages about your progress through someone. Of course, this should be done non-aggressively and spontaneously. By accident.

  • From my experience, everyone spies on everyone on social media and goes to great lengths to do so.

Purpose:

  • For your partner to think you’ve moved on and focused on progress.
  • To spark their interest in your new life. Everyone likes people who are doing well and want to be part of their circle.
  • To show them the best, most passionate, fun, engaging, and progressive version of yourself.
Man and woman

2. Fake Having Someone You Like on Social Media

Let a hint of a new person appear on your social media. This could be just a hand, a wine glass next to yours, a shoulder leaning against you. It could also be an attractive person standing next to you in a group photo that your partner doesn’t know.

You can suddenly start posting romantic quotes and songs that imply you’ve fallen for someone new.

If you know your partner follows your activities on social media (people do this), add new friends, like someone’s photos, etc.

3. Don’t Give Them Easy Access

Always be busy for them. Whenever they suggest a meeting or want to talk to you, avoid it or postpone it.

Purpose:

  • Create an atmosphere where you don’t have time for them due to other things happening in your life.
  • Since your partner started all this, if they want to come back, now is the time for them to struggle for it.

Goal #1: To redirect his energy from that person to focusing on you. So, there’s no energy, time, or interest left for his new crush.

Goal #2: To make them put effort into you because we value only what we work hard for. We value what we invest our time, energy, and resources into.

Goal #3: For your partner to remember that after they leave you once, coming back will be very difficult. This knowledge will be helpful for him in the future if something similar happens again.

Do this not angrily or aggressively, but casually, calmly, like a game, and with a smile.

If you’re unsure, imagine a person you’re okay with but not crazy about. If you could, you’d rather avoid seeing them. They’re not repulsive, just uninteresting. How would you behave towards them (what messages would you send them)? Send similar messages to your partner. Avoid seeing him the way you’d avoid seeing that person.

So, whenever you get a call or message from your partner, imagine that person and respond as if you’re responding to them.

A couple sits at dinner and breaks up

4. Allow Partner Access to You After At Least a Month (Preferably Two)

  • When you finally meet, be uninterested (as if you’re meeting that boring person).
  • Leave the meeting early.
  • One of the sentences you should say is a disinterested “I don’t know what you want from me.”
  • Be cold, but not angry.
  • If he talks about himself, pretend it’s a little boring.
  • If you talk about yourself, do it with pleasure and enthusiasm.
  • Be full of stories about your progress.

5. After Two Months of Him Pursuing You, Set Your Conditions for Reconciliation

The conditions are, of course, the end of all contact and relations with that other person.

  • Very concrete plans for the future (perhaps engagement or marriage).
  • Deadlines for when those plans will be fulfilled.

Explain to him or her that your relationship cannot resume without these fulfilled conditions. Act as if you don’t care. If they don’t want to give it to you, they don’t have to. You’ve already learned to live without them.

Man and woman are fighting

Which is true in the end. You’ve been without that person for so long + you’ve progressed in all areas that you absolutely know how to live without them. They’re no longer necessary. They can enter your life only if they meet what you want. Besides, thanks to your progress, you’re living a good life and have many new opportunities and plans.

6. Let Your Partner Back into Your Life Only When He Meets Your Conditions

7. Keep Him Intentionally on Mild Tension and Alert for a While

Since this is only the first in a series of texts, I recommend reading these posts to get a complete picture:

  1. Partner Falls In Love With Someone Else – What To Do
  2. A Potential Reason and Solution When Partner Falls In Love With Someone Else
  3. Partner Has Fallen in Love With Someone Else – Whether to Stay or Leave
  4. Specific Things To Do When Partner Falls In Love With Someone Else 1.
  5. How to Manage a Partner Who Has Fallen In Love With Someone
  • Disclaimer: Although these tips come from my practice, they may not be applicable to all partners. My recommendation is to talk to a smart counselor who knows human nature well and who will get all the necessary information about your relationship.

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