If you are already reading this text when your husband has lost interest in you, don’t just glance over these post. These are real tips, tested many times and they really give good results. Think about them and weigh which of them you could apply.
*These tips are also applicable in the reverse direction, i.e. for wives.
Keep in Mind: Different partners require different approaches, making it hard to give a one-size-fits-all piece of advice.
In this text, we’ll explore three options. The first is honest and open, the second somewhat manipulative, and the third is when the first two fail.
So, What To Do When Your Husband Has Lost Interest in You?
Option One: typical (of course good) advice. Below, you will find some more atypical tips
Be Honest and Open with Your Partner
This option works well with mature people, those who still love you and want to stay despite changing, and those unwilling to change their lives.
If you think your partner fits any of these categories, approach them with an honest and precise statement about what you’ve noticed.
Since these conversations can be tough, your partner might resist or deny changes. Don’t let them convince you otherwise. If they want to prove you wrong, let them work for it.
Your goal is to get the partner to explain what’s happening. Clear explanations are welcome, but vague ones are red flags.
📌 If your partner explains clearly what is going on, you can decide whether to stay and work on the relationship or not. If they’re vague, it might mean they’re hiding something, unwilling to work on the relationship, or looking for an easy exit without much explanation or complication.
I suggest backing up your feelings with arguments. When you did this, I felt that. Gather three arguments because one might be a fluke, two a coincidence, but three is undeniable.
Look for causes. Consider if there’s a specific moment when your partner started losing interest and what it’s connected to.
Be calm in this conversation, don’t attack your partner or suggest causes (unless you’re sure of them). Let your partner talk, and listen carefully. If he talks, it is certain enough that he will tell you why he lost interest in you.
It is even possible that they will say it to themselves for the first time.
In conversation, the ultimate option is to set a clear ultimatum for changes. Don’t make empty threats; be clear about what you want to change and the timeline for it. Eventually, you can help your partner figure out what to do to change his relationship with you.
Seek Counseling Together
A good therapist or relationship counselor can help you understand each other better and what’s happening between you. They’ll also suggest what to do daily to improve your relationship.
In my career, when I work with couples, the most striking phenomenon is that the partners do not understand each other at all. One says one thing, and the other hears another.
The dynamics between the partners during consultations and therapy are usually such that one feels the need to blame the other, so the latter blames the first. Then someone makes excuses; then someone doesn’t want to talk anymore. We also often hear that one person is ashamed to bring out their intimate things.
For this reason, a good couples consultant must prevent unnecessary “noise” and lead the conversation toward understanding.
I don’t know how many times in the conversation I asked: Did you understand what they said? Come on, please repeat how you understood that.
And I showed them how much they didn’t understand each other.
This is why it is very useful to correct this situation with the help of a therapist or counselor, because most marriages and relationships break up just because people have not heard each other.
📌 Note that couples therapy should be led by an authoritative (but reasonable and gentle) therapist who won’t let you just compete over who’s right or argue, but will help you understand each other and offer good suggestions for fixing the situations that led to this state.
Consider Individual Counseling
It’s also a good idea to start individual counseling to prepare for a breakup, if it comes to that. We will not kid ourselves, but the loss of interest in one partner can be very difficult to fix.
When Should You Stop Trying in a Relationship?
Do More Things Together
Spend more time together doing different fun activities.
People often don’t know how to fill the void when circumstances change, like when kids grow up and leave home or when they pay off the mortgage. They subconsciously blame their partner for these changes.
If there’s a void, fill it with activities, outings, travel, personal growth, fulfilling desires that have never been prioritized, etc.
If you’re just bored together, again: find fun things to do together. A possible option is to surprise each other, or to do sometimes what you want and sometimes what your partner wants. An active life can do wonders for your relationship with each other.
Manipulate, a Little or a Lot
If there’s room, suggest and impose ideas about healthy relationships, commitment, and lifelong partnerships.
If you’re brave, increase the manipulation.
If you resort to emotional blackmail, guilt-tripping, crying, or evoking sympathy (as with several of my clients whose partners wanted to leave), keep in mind that this is short-term. If your partner wants to leave, it probably won’t help in the long run. But it can buy you time to develop a strategy and plan.
Improve Your Sex Life
Communicate a Desire to Distance
If everything else fails, consider distancing yourself for a while or even completely withdrawing while you think about whether you want such a relationship.
This serves two purposes: it allows you to consider life without your partner and gives your partner a taste of life without you.
People often don’t realize what they’ll lose with their partner’s departure. This is a good way to show them.
Of course, this means completely withdrawing any form of libido towards your partner (libido is not just sexual but, according to Freud, any form of giving something positive and good to your partner). No sex when you (or they) crave it, no fixing things around the house, no kisses, messages, support, cooked meals, help, etc.
If you distance yourself, do it properly because your withdrawal has a purpose – to re-establish the relationship. If you remain part of your partner’s life, you give them no reason to re-establish the relationship… because it is already there.
How to Keep Your Dignity in Relationship
Option Two: Be a Little Sneaky and Solve This
Don’t show your partner that you know what’s going on
This option is more cunning, but it can also be (more) effective.
Which option you choose depends on who your partner is. This approach works well for less mature partners, those easier to manipulate, and those with whom you can’t have an open conversation.
If you choose this option, it’s time to focus intensely on yourself. The idea is that whatever happens with your partner, they start noticing changes in you.
Focus on Yourself
Begin working out noticeably, making progress, becoming attractive, and grooming yourself. Of course, work on other things, too, but focus on what’s visible to your partner.
Become sexy, buy new, attractive clothes, and laugh a lot with others. Change your hairstyle and dressing style, and engage in attractive hobbies.
And don’t be afraid of this. I know it seems scary because maybe you’ve never done it or because it’s clear to you that you’re manipulating your partner. However, this is part of the plan, and see this as your task that you have to do to regain your partner’s interest in you.
I know it’s scary, but hang in there.
Suppression, Self-Control and Setting-Goals
Induce Jealousy
Include behaviors that will make your partner jealous. Go out more, flirt with others, and mingle with attractive people.
People are terrified of someone else stealing their partner, even when they themselves start to lose interest. “I don’t want them, but I don’t want anyone else to have them either.”
In this case, completely exclude your partner from your activities. Make sure you do most things alone and introduce some mystery about where you’re going, with whom, and when you’ll be back.
This is even worse! I know. But this is often a good treatment for people who don’t know how to lose or are competitive, vain, proud, selfish, or egoistic.
Let’s be clear: I don’t recommend crossing borders. No way. Also, everything you do, everything that is mysterious, must one day be able to be explained. But not yet. For now, let your partner imagine you in someone else’s arms.
Spice Up Your Sex Life
Become very sexually active and introduce new elements into your sex life. I won’t list what those should be, as the novelty should be what your partner desires and what excites you.
📌 Here’s a tip: Be enthusiastic about sex. That is often enough.
Is it true that if you love someone, let them go?
Focus on Your Needs and Happiness
Dedicate yourself to your hobbies, friends, career, and personal growth and development.
Start doing things you couldn’t do before because you were busy with your partner and relationship. Don’t hold back due to old habits of doing everything with and for your partner.
The goal of this is to become attractive to your partner again as a person. Not just physically. We all love and aspire to be advanced people. It is especially important to us that we are not the ones who were by someone’s side when they were worse, and now that they are getting better, we are left without them, and someone else will take them.
And believe me: no one will go and be delighted with the crying, desperate, sad, or lost people (unless they are sick in the head).
Everyone wants the best people, so overcome the sadness that you carry inside you because of what is happening and start the path of improving yourself.
You have some good advice in this text: What To Do When Partner Falls In Love With Someone Else 2
Be Brave, Break Up First
If you’re brave, break up with your partner or ask for a separation to think about your relationship. Pretend you haven’t noticed your partner losing interest but that it’s your decision.
Actually, I highly recommend this. Beat your partner to the breakup, but not angrily or resentfully. The better idea is to act like you never noticed your partner’s disinterest and that you’ve lost interest (or have some other reason they can’t comprehend).
Before doing this, follow the above steps (without the added sexual activity).
Calmly tell your partner you want to talk. Your attitude should be that you pity them for having to leave them. Be mysterious about why. Under no circumstances should you admit this is a tactic or that you know your partner has changed.
Why We Are In Love With Someone – Psychological Explanation
If None of This Works: Accept Reality
Option one is to accept that your partner’s feelings have changed but decide to stay in the relationship anyway.
This is usually done for children, finances, security, practical impossibilities of separation, etc.
You can do this on your own (if your partner also wants to stay in such a relationship) or by agreement with your partner.
In that case, your relationship must be adjusted because you’re already sacrificing enough by accepting a relationship without your partner’s love.
You can live a life where no one interferes with what the other is doing, like a roommate relationship without intimacy.
Personally, I think it makes no sense to behave as before and pretend that a significant component is not missing from your relationship (your partner’s love for you) and that you’re not the injured party. But it’s your life, so you have to decide.
However, don’t be foolish if you decide to leave the relationship. Don’t let emotions get the better of you and make your future life harder.
Option two is to leave relationship.
Since this is all your partner’s doing, leave the relationship with as much as possible.
If that means taking advantage of your partner during this last period – do it (getting them to paint your apartment, move you, or do any favor for you—ask for it).
This isn’t the time to be emotional but rational about your future.
I’ve often heard of people leaving relationships so hurt and angry that they leave everything to their partner to show how hurt and proud they are.
This is a bad idea because you’ll lose twice. The partner will have given up on the relationship and gained everything.
My advice is to be fair but take everything you can. Financially, materially, and in every possible way. Even consider skewing things slightly in your favor, as your partner has broken your lifelong commitment. Think of it as a small compensation for what they’ve done to you.
How Do You Know When It’s Over?
I hope this text was useful.
📌 And note again: you may have just skimmed over these tips and are thinking about what to do next. But these are good tips that have been tested many times and work. You just need to implement them literally as I wrote.
But you also have many links in this text that can also be useful for you to think more clearly about your situation and to get the most out of it for yourself. Dee
