Psychological insights on relationships: rejections, breakups, making relationships happy, unhealthy dynamics, and general psychology.

Why Do Men and Women Think About Sex Differently?

Essentially, this is about the process of making a decision before having sex and what things we put into the equation when it comes to sex. Women put different things into that equation than men and that ultimately affects the way we think about sex.

A beautiful woman smiling

Since men have a considerably higher need for sex, physical appearance falls under this category as well.

Percentage-wise, men think about, desire, fantasize about, and seek out more partners for sex at least four times as much as women do.

The average number of partners desired by a woman ranges between two and three. The average number of sexual partners desired by a man is 64.

It is precisely because of this high need for sex that men often find themselves unsatisfied. Conversely, due to their lesser needs, women’s sexual desires are generally met. As someone once said, practically all women have sex exactly as much as they want.

A man and a woman lie next to each other

This surplus of frustration on the part of men and the deficiency on the part of women means that women hold the upper hand when it comes to deciding on sex. The one who desires less controls the terms and therefore can afford to be more selective. Which is fair considering that men still predominantly control resources, thus creating some balance.

In any case, women tend to contemplate and analyze what sex brings them, whereas men approach it more intuitively.

You surely know the difference when a woman considers whether it’s time to sleep with a guy, she thinks about what she’ll gain from it, whether he’ll still desire her afterward, and whether it’s too soon. And then think of guys, they just wonder, “When are we going to sleep together?”

  • There was a study conducted on some campuses where guys approached girls, asking if they would have sex with them at that moment. One hundred percent of the women said no. Whereas when girls approached guys, only 25 percent said no, and all others intuitively responded with a yes.
Man and woman in relationship

Furthermore, if a man desires sex, it will cost him those few minutes… (or, as the legend goes, five hours 😉) of sex, while for a woman, one sexual act can cost her nine months plus at least several years, and for ordinary women, a lifetime of childcare. Therefore, women choose more carefully whom they sleep with, regardless of all the options available today, such as abortions and birth control pills.

It’s ingrained in the female subconscious that those few minutes of pleasure could cost them dearly.

A bit more about the difference in sexual needs:

In this text, I mentioned that if a rooster mates with multiple hens, it spreads its genetic material further. That is crucial in the male world because men historically have faced higher mortality rates due to wars, hunting, enemies, and so on. Anthropologists, geneticists, and others have confirmed that the desire to pass on one’s genetic material is a primal need.

Leaving a legacy behind is one of the critical drives compelling men to sleep with as many women as possible.

Man and woman in relationship

However, if a hen mates with multiple roosters, she still lays only one egg, so she gains nothing from an increased sexual drive. Realistically, women cannot bear a hundred children, so the quantity of copulation is not in their interest. In contrast, if men perpetuate their lineage, that’s a significant genetic-natural male success.

Let’s be clear, though—I’m not advocating promiscuity, as we have another critical principle: offspring require all possible resources from both parents to survive and a particular form of care for many years until the offspring mature into functioning individuals.

Removing a parental figure or a form of care can (not necessarily) cost that new being… if not immediately when they’re young, then later in life.

Couple in love

So even if a man who desires hundreds of partners potentially manages to create hundreds of babies, he’s actually reducing the chances of his offspring continuing and his genes propagating.

Therefore, both men and women need to keep their number of partners low, so in this case, biology doesn’t win out; rather, the forces of reason and rationality must prevail. In any case, these forces create a struggle between men’s desire for polygamy and the need for the survival of their own species.

The essence is that men must control their nature again for practical reasons. Just as they control their nature in many other respects.

And now a bit about how culture has shaped us sexually

It’s said like this: Male sexuality is more natural. In contrast, female sexuality is more cultural, not to turn women into calculated monsters but because cultural meanings have a much more significant influence on female sexuality than on male sexuality. This is because women are more susceptible and inclined to adapt.

Throughout the centuries, female sexuality has been suppressed for various reasons through church, school, upbringing, and society. It has only recently been awakened in the so-called sexual revolution.

A man and a woman lie next to each other

Why is this important to mention: Things must be viewed through the evolution of our nature.

Women have only had a few decades of liberated sexuality and the ability to control its consequences compared to centuries and centuries of suppression. That tells us that women are still not sexually free by nature but have certain constraints they either fight against or don’t.

The essence is that it’s unusual for a woman to be sexually open and unrestricted while simultaneously being comfortable with it. Not because I think it isn’t good, but because women are not there yet.

Here’s another anecdote before we conclude this topic. I wonder if you’ve heard of it; it’s called the Coolidge Effect.

American President Calvin Coolidge was on a farm with his wife, and as they walked separately. The wife commented to the farmer: “You have only one rooster and many hens; can he satisfy them all?” (talking about hens) And the farmer said, “Oh yes, that’s not a problem for him; he can do it many times a day.” Then she said, “Tell that to Mr. Coolidge.” Then Mr. Coolidge, or the President, came along, and the farmer relayed what the wife had said, to which he asked, “Do you mean he mates many times a day with the same hen?” And the farmer said, “No. With different hens.” To which he replied – “Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge.”

I’m not promoting this, it’s just a funny story.

Some more articles on sex:

9 Reasons Why Sexual Desire Decreases
What Type Of Men Do Women Want?
How To Increase Sex Drive

Have a nice day. Dee.

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