In this blog post, we talk about character traits and identity. This is the third part of the text on why do you always want to leave relationships. I recommend reading all four parts because if you find yourself wanting a relationship, but falling out of love and giving up on relationships quickly, your reasons might be found in those texts.

Reasons for quickly falling out of love can, of course, be attributed to others. For instance, falling out of love seems logical if other people are not what you want.

However, infatuation and falling out of love also operate in different ways. They are connected to our psychological and emotional world. And our emotional-psychological world is everything and affects everything.

Therefore, the inability to remain in love might signify your inability to achieve satisfaction, stability, and success in other areas.

You might now think: I’ll be successful and satisfied regardless of whether I’m in love. But from a psychological perspective, things don’t work that way.

If you want relationships, but you always want to leave relationships, it really rings loudly that your inner psychological-emotional world is not well regulated. And when our inner world is not well regulated, it is reflected in all aspects of our life.

Please understand that this entire text is written from a psychologist’s perspective who genuinely wants the best for you, who doesn’t expect anything from you, who doesn’t judge or attack you. The ultimate point of these texts is to:

• Read them without feeling that someone is judging you.
• Get the best out of life because you’ve found something valuable and logical in them.

How To Improve Your Relationship

Lack of Emotional Maturity

Emotional maturity means facing conflicts maturely, making compromises, and handling the uncertainties of a relationship well.

A lack of emotional maturity means a person cannot do these things due to ego. And if you can’t do these things, perhaps that’s why you always leave relationships.

We are inclined to view the world from our own perspective and reality. In our perspective, we are correct, and things should be our way. However, other people also have their perspectives, so conflicts inevitably arise in confrontations.

• A client once told me she was surprised when she told her partner what to change, and he responded, “Why don’t you change? Why do I have to?”

Changing yourself or adapting signals that your ego might be hurt because you weren’t right in some situations.

The trick is not to perceive our failures and moments when we weren’t right as fatal. Or when we let someone else be suitable, not to perceive it as an our ego breakdown.

Everything that happens, and whoever is right, is usually simple, passing life situations, and it’s necessary to strengthen the ego enough that when we encounter conflict situations, we chose common sense and progress, not just defending ourself.

To achieve the best result, we should learn to resolve conflicts using critical thinking, common sense, and goodwill.

We should learn to make compromises:

• Today, we do it your way, mine
• Let’s find a middle ground
• Okay, you can be right in this instance, but in that other instance, I want to be right
• Let’s choose what’s best for both of us

We should also gain enough emotional and psychological strength to cope with uncertainties. “If that person leaves me, I will be fine. I will think this way…”

If you master these lessons, you will become emotionally stable, which will manifest through your actions and ultimately help you maintain long-term relationships and be happy in them.

Should You stay In your Relationship?

Inability or Lack of Communication

This also falls under the category of emotional or psychological incapacity. It’s a massive shame if you belong to those who flee from relationships because you are unable to:

• Communicate openly
• Express your needs
• Explain yourselves
• Stand up for yourselves
• Set boundaries
• Fight for your rights
• Become assertive

Unfortunately, this indicates that you might also struggle to stand up for yourself in other relationships and settings, as we are primarily similar in our reactions. Those who struggle to defend themselves in relationships may also find it difficult to do so in other areas of their lives. Those who can’t communicate their needs won’t do it with partners or at work, etc.

The essence is that this is something you need to work on.

• You need to understand where the blocks to open communication come from:
• What are you afraid of if you communicate your needs?
• How will you handle it if you don’t get what you want?
• How can you strengthen yourself to better cope with this?

Each of these processes takes time: first, uncovering the background, then letting it settle and finding new behavioral patterns… and then comes the brave application. However, if you manage to master this skill of open communication, people will no longer seem so dangerous.

Whoever you are in a relationship or connection with, you can negotiate or at least communicate your needs and desires. If that person disagrees, you can try ten different things until you find a modus operandi or part ways. That’s the ability to communicate.

The essence is that you won’t be leaving relationships quickly because you don’t know how to say what you want, are afraid of the outcome, or never get what you want. Of course, you’ll flee from such relationships—who wouldn’t?

But suppose you clearly and non-confrontationally express what you need to say. In that case, you will become stronger and braver, have relationships where your opinions and desires are valued, and earn respect and better relationships with people.

📌 A little tip: When you clearly communicate your desires, you actually become interesting, and people start to respect you.

Empty Love Relationships

Fear of Losing Freedom as a Reason why You Always Want to Leave Relationships

Some people highly value their freedom and independence. Because of this, they might feel that a relationship restricts them and decide to give up the relationship to maintain control over their lives.

I could discuss the pros and cons of single life versus life as a couple, but I’m sure you’ve already weighed these and found the arguments for single life to have won. So, I have no objection to this. It’s your life, and you should live it however you wish.

However, I have a suggestion: if you choose freedom, remember that what we practice—we become. Over time, living a single life and exiting relationships will make you less open, adaptable, and ready for cohabitation. This means you will have to maintain this belief that freedom is the right thing for you for a very long time.

You might think this is only temporary and that you can switch back to another way of life when you want. But that isn’t easy.

Cohabitation is drastically different from single life, and you will have to force yourself to accept other people’s ideas, adapt, and make compromises… while your single life is something you do well, know how to do, and have been doing for a long time. Why would you choose such a torment?

The essence is that most people who choose independence eventually end up remaining alone forever.

So, if you are determined to choose freedom, first know that you will become very accustomed to it, which will characterize you, which means that you’ll find it difficult to later choose cohabitation with someone.

This is a significant decision because it may affect your entire life. A few things we decide at some point in life remain relevant later. We usually change our minds; in this case, the transition can be tough… which is why freedom is so sweet.

But sweetness also lies in belonging to someone and having refuge in a good relationship.

How Do You Know When It’s Over?

Unresolved Internal Conflicts

Internal conflicts are two opposing currents that a person faces within themselves. In this case, it’s wanting a relationship but being afraid of commitment and losing freedom.

Logically, people opt for simpler solutions—solutions that won’t be too demanding or burdensome, solutions they are familiar with. In this case, staying single (people usually settle for the familiar idea).

• In my career, I’ve encountered many cases where people want a relationship but are unwilling to give up some of their beliefs, comforts, etc., to achieve it. They often come to me for valid reasons to choose one path or the other.

You can easily imagine this as a fork in the road, where you stand and consider whether to go left or right.

Yet, a person should follow their desires. Of course, we’re not always decisive in our desires; we have good and bad days. However, pursuing our desires is similar to setting goals in life. To achieve goals, we must seek them. To fulfill desires, we must follow them.

The first step in this process is clearly deciding what you want more, stay alone or be in a relationship. Then, how strongly you want it, and how your life will change if you do or don’t.

Once you decide, the process is to set your desire before you and then think about what you can do to achieve it. Until the goal is achieved, you ignore the days when you feel like giving up, forget your waning enthusiasm, etc. You move towards that desire and overcome yourself.

But if your reason for quickly leaving relationships is unresolved internal conflicts, try to envision this as a fork in the road and choose a path.

Of course, you can always change your mind and choose something else, change your desire, but in that case, stay on that trail. The worst option is to be in a conflict situation.

Can Someone Love You But Break Up With You?

Perfectionism as a Reason for Quickly Leaving Relationships:

Perfectionists can have unrealistically high expectations of themselves and their partners. A perfectionist might:

• Avoid entering a relationship because they haven’t achieved some of their personal goals.
• Leave a relationship because they’re unsure if they want to be in it… meaning the decision isn’t perfect.
• Exit a relationship because it wasn’t perfect, using it as an opportunity to punish themselves.
• End a relationship because their partner isn’t perfect.

Perfectionists are prone to criticism and self-criticism, so their projects rarely bring them satisfaction and joy. They always see flaws and opportunities for improvement and are constantly working on them.

Perfectionists are always ready to give up on imperfect things that fill life. And people are highly imperfect. The measure for their perfect threshold is in their head, making it hard to reach and break.

However, it’s far more important here to recognize and confront the perfectionism a person carries, as perfectionism is closely linked to anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and stress.

My suggestion is that people first address their perfectionism and then deal with their relationships. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is very effective in dealing with perfectionism.

Is my relationship worth fighting for?

Need for Control as a Reason For Leaving Relationships

Relationships imply that another person influences us, so it’s much harder to control things when someone else is involved.

People with a need for control are generally not inclined to compromise or adapt because, in their world, things are only suitable if they are done and envisioned their way. Therefore, if a partner doesn’t surrender to their control, it can create pressure and cause them to leave the relationship quickly.

• Independent or uncooperative individuals are difficult to control.

Of course, it’s easiest to live a life where we control our circumstances, but, as with everything, this comes with losses. You lose the opportunity for intimacy, emotional exchange, and support. You lose the chance for someone to care for you, for relaxation, and for new possibilities and perspectives to open up. You lose the opportunity to enrich yourself with someone else’s ideas and grow and improve.

There are at least a few different approaches when you think about control.

1. You don’t have to relinquish control completely.
2. You can give your partner control over some things that aren’t as important to you.
3. You might try following your partner to see how it turns out (after all, it’s an opportunity, if things fail, to prove that it’s better when things are under your control).
4. Or you can take turns.
5. You can let the person have control over areas where they are the expert.

As you can see, there are several possible approaches that could help you stay in a relationship longer.

When you consider it, if you’re always in control, it means that responsibility is also always yours. And that’s a challenging way to live.

How To Maintain Good Relationship

Narcissistic Tendencies

Ah, narcissists. They have a hundred reasons to leave a relationship.

• The person doesn’t cater to their needs.
• The person doesn’t admire them enough.
• The person isn’t solely focused on them.
• The injustice they feel because someone doesn’t put them first is unbearable.
• The person isn’t particular anyway.
• There are so many better options than the person they’re with that there’s no need to stay with them.
• The people they’re with always make mistakes.
• They don’t receive enough love from them, don’t understand them, don’t engage with them adequately…
• The narcissist is too good for their partner.
• The narcissist is too good for anyone.

This list of reasons with narcissists is endless, but it boils down to the fact that they leave relationships easily and quickly because their narcissistic needs aren’t met. They haven’t received enough admiration, attention, resources, etc. Narcissists are known for rapidly devaluing people, so as soon as someone makes a mistake or a better option appears, they’re ready to leave the relationship as if it never existed.

If by any chance you are a narcissist, what I can tell you is that you won’t find someone who will meet all your narcissistic needs, so it might not be a bad idea to stay with someone who fulfills most of them.

Of course, practicing gratitude is always my recommendation, but the personality structure of a narcissist is complex, and their “reaching” for appreciation is a very long journey.

---

This was the third part of the text on why you always leave relationships. In this part, we focused a bit on character, and I highly recommend reading the sections where we discuss:

1. About fears and psychological reasons: Why do You Give Up on Relationships so Easily
2. About immature thinking: Why do People Give Up on Relationships So Easily
3. Patterns and attachment styles: Why You Leave Relationships

As I mentioned in the previous two parts, remember that finding a good one is tricky if you’re searching for a partner. You need to invest time, thought, and testing… And it’s even harder to find one if you’re standing in your way. Dee.