Dignity is what will be remembered. Whether you stay together or break up. Your dignity can be a quality that will make a partner stay with you. But even if you separate, it leaves room for your partner to change his mind and repent of breaking up.
Therefore, I want you to understand why dignity is the most valuable thing you can bring into any relationship.
A Few Things Worth Mentioning:
đź“Ť People don’t react to your words or your appearance (clothing, accessories, etc.) but to their impression of you.
đź“ŤPeople always remember the emotions they felt around other people.
đź“ŤIf you lack dignity, it will be noticeable. It will be the most striking thing about you.
đź“ŤEven if they don’t want to tell you, are angry with you, or dislike you, the dignity you bring will fascinate them.
đź“ŤYou can always become dignified. Even if you haven’t been until now.
How to Demonstrate Dignity
1. Plan Your Behavior Before the Event
Plan in advance how you will behave during that event.
“When __________ (Event A) happens, I will respond with __________ (Reaction B).”
You can give yourself several solutions.
For example: “I will stay silent while they rant.” , “I will only discuss my topic and won’t be dragged into emotionally upsetting topics.”
2. Execute Your Plan When the Event Happens
When the event occurs, implement what you have planned. It’s okay if you don’t succeed the first few times. At the earliest opportunity, put your plan into action.
3. Stick to Your Plan During the Event
Try to adhere to your plan, even as the atmosphere heats up and things become more emotional.
How to Love Yourself: 19 Exact Steps
4. Have an Inner Mantra During the Event
For example: “I will not raise my voice.”; “This is just uncomfortable. It’s not terrible. It’s definitely not the end of the world.”; “I am not afraid of this conversation.”
Concentrate on your mantra, and the emotional impact will diminish (because you’re maintaining an internal monologue).
5. Focus on the Person Participating in the Event
Observe how they talk and the movement of their lips, and try to discern the color of their eyes and their clothing. Engage with them. This will occupy your mind and make it harder to slip into emotionality.
6. Analyze the Person’s Motivation
Consider why this person is saying these things. Why are they acting this way now? Don’t focus on yourself or your feelings. Focus exclusively on the other person, as if you’re analyzing them for a project. Rise above the situation.
7. Remain Calm
Stay rational and logical.
You can plan the conversation flow and your statements in advance. If you do this, stick to your statements, no matter how much the person opposite you tries to provoke you.
8. Repeat Your Statements
Use different variations to avoid seeming strange. But be firm in your convictions and assertions. The goal of this is not for you to be stubborn, but for your partner not to lead you astray. First of all, if the person is ready to manipulate, lie, hurt, provoke, etc.
9. If the Event Becomes Too Painful, Temporarily End It
If you are unable to remain dignified, it is better to end that conversation or event and come back when you are calmer.
10. Repeat this from event to event.
Repeat this process from event to event. We don’t know if it will succeed every time, but it’s important that it succeeds most of the time. This will form an impression of you.
- Trust the process. No one quickly changed their way of reacting or personality. Changing yourself is a matter of trying and repeating.
Potential Obstacles
You Are Impulsive by Nature
Children are impulsive. They really can’t control their behavior because behavior is a consequence of emotions. When a child feels angry, they don’t hold back; they express their feelings.
Therefore, the ability to restrain oneself is one of the things that distinguishes adults from children.
If you want to identify yourself as an adult, restrain your emotions and behaviors.
No matter how charming you might find behaving like a child or a hormone-driven teenager, others do not see it as charming. You come across as immature and out of control. In fact, you appear repulsive because people always calculate the things happening to them. The calculation is: Do I want to be involved with this person? Can anything be achieved with this person? Do I feel comfortable around this person?
And in the end, everything you do adds up to your overall impression of you.
đź“Ś Very Important to Note:
When people know you are impulsive, they realize they can easily manipulate you. They just need to provoke the right emotion, and that’s it.
This is a dangerous place because you are not in control of yourself; the other person is. Whoever controls your emotions controls you.
When a Relationship Is One-Sided
You’ve Already Shown a Lack of Dignity
That doesn’t matter. We can always correct the mistakes we’ve made. We can always change for the better (and for the worse, but that’s not the point).
The worst possible belief is that we must remain the same as we once were. On some conscious and unconscious levels, people believe they are what they are and must stay that way forever. Sometimes, they think it’s impossible to change; sometimes, they don’t think about it and just keep doing the same things.
Therefore, if you’ve already shown a lack of dignity, behave with dignity next time. You don’t need to explain your change to anyone (though you can if you want to); act as you have planned (see the previous section on planning your behavior).
People always account for and notice your most recent behavior.
For a while, they might not be sure who you are now, but if you continue to demonstrate dignity, they will believe that is who you are.
Suppression, Self-Control and Setting-Goals
Your Partner Provokes You
One characteristic of dignified people is integrity, which means they don’t abandon their principles. It is up to you to uphold your principle, for instance, if it is: I won’t cry, be aggressive, insult my partner, or get upset with my partner.
I understand that your partner might be your most intense emotional connection and that they affect your mood, but you can rise above this and not allow yourself to be provoked by them.
Since your partner’s provocations indicate that they are immature, we can agree that it makes no sense for you to fall under the influence of immature people.
If you are already aware that your partner provokes you, start from that fact and plan your future behavior when you are alone and calm.
“When my partner provokes me, I will recognize that they are doing it again, and then I will ____________ (Reaction B).”
Regardless of what kind of partner you are with, you can be yourself.
The hypothesis is that you entered the relationship because you were compatible at the time: for example, they are provocateurs, and you are easily provoked.
If you manage to restrain yourself from reacting and maintain this change for a while (thus changing yourself), either they will have to change by you, or you will no longer be compatible partners.
Also, who knows, maybe your partner needs some guidance in a certain direction.
I emphasize that if this is your shared dynamic—your partner provokes you, and you get upset—there is a chance that your partner will become even more “aggressive” in their provocations once you change.
People like to maintain existing dynamics (and restore them) because new dynamics are unfamiliar and, therefore, frightening.
However, over time, if your partner sees nothing terrible about them in the new dynamic (you are not getting provoked), they might accept it. If they don’t, they aren’t the right person for you now that you have changed and matured.
What is the best way to gain self-confidence?
When You Go in Emotion, You Don’t Know How to Exit It
Use the first time this happens to you to think about how you’re stuck in the emotion and can’t find a way to calm down. You don’t have to do anything this first time, but it’s good to be aware of yourself in that emotion.
“I am angry right now. And I can’t stop being angry. I can see that about myself now. That I can’t stop being angry.”
The next time you find yourself in the same emotion, remember that you have already thought about it last time. Repeat this process as many times as necessary. Why?
Because such internal monologues allow you to rise above yourself and think. You are not just in emotion but also in thought, and you have managed to step out of emotion. You observe yourself rationally, seeing yourself and what you’re doing. It’s like observing yourself from outside your body and behavior.
Again, the suggestion is to plan what you will do when you enter an emotion.
“When I get angry, no matter how much I want to argue, I will say: I need to step outside and take a walk. I will go out, play some calming music, and when I return, I will continue the conversation with as little emotion as possible.”
Instead of walking and music, it could be anything, of course.
Tell yourself that you are practicing a new life skill by stepping out of the overwhelming emotion. Cool your head faster so you can be more prepared, wiser, more calculated, more cautious, etc. Being in emotion during a crisis is never good because it affects our judgment. We cannot see things objectively.
Many of my clients cannot resist their emotions and then see events through the lens of those emotions. When they cool down a bit, everything looks completely different.
Who Reaches Out First After A Breakup?
Another option is to visualize a circle (representing the emotion you are spinning in) and see yourself stepping out of it. Implement this in real life.
A third suggestion is to tell yourself: Later, I will be ashamed if I stay in this negative emotion. The feeling will pass, but the impression will remain. People will see and remember me that way.
As we’ve already said—if you’re not a child, you must learn to control yourself.
Whatever is happening at that moment, no matter how unpleasant, provocative, or painful, life is still ahead of us. And in the future, some impression will remain. It doesn’t make sense to sacrifice your entire reputation in the future for one moment.
9 Psychology Facts About Personality You Should Know
Something Very Difficult Is Happening to You Right Now
First of all, I’m sorry. I know these difficult moments are colored by complex emotions and that it’s hard to stay dignified when you just want to cry and scream.
However, the same principle applies:
- You will better assess the situation if you suppress your emotions.
- You will also manage the situation better if you suppress them.
- You will feel immense power and control over the situation.
- You won’t leave a bad impression on others or say the wrong things.
- You will feel incredibly proud in the future because you managed to get through those challenging moments with minimal expression of negative emotions.
- You won’t regret it in the future (and things do change in the future).
Remember, whatever is happening right now, the future is ahead and can change everything. There is nothing in your life that hasn’t changed over time. Therefore, it must be considered that whatever is happening now, things will be different in the future. It’s best to stay calm and dignified in such cases because what if things change quickly? Or worse: what if your behavior makes things worse in the future?
How Do You Act Mature After Rejection?
Your Partner Knows You Are Not Dignified
It doesn’t matter what others know. What matters is that you know you can change whenever you want. Then, just as you have convinced your partner that you are not dignified, you will convince them that you are.
But in this instance, the most important thing is that you understand you always have the opportunity to improve and progress. Don’t fall for the idea that you must remain something forever. Although rare, look around and see examples of people who have become new and better. If others can change completely, you can change one of your traits.
Whatever you don’t like about yourself—change it. Plan what you want to be and strive every day to become that.
If you want to be dignified, the essential qualities of dignity are integrity, self-confidence, self-respect, emotional control, responsibility, justice and fairness, self-discipline, patience, respect for others, and inner strength. You can work on any of these aspects and change yourself.
I hope this text helps you learn to express dignity. It can be applied to any trait you want to introduce into your life.
Become whatever you want. You can do it. You only need well-thought-out actions. Dee
