Some practical advice and unique suggestions on how to start over in a relationship. In this blog post, you will find common strategies and some less conventional approaches to help you rebuild your relationship and fix a broken one.
I’m not sure why your relationship is broken.
As a psychotherapist and counselor, I’ve heard every possible story and reason, from the serious (cheating, financial fraud, substance abuse) to the more general: “The relationship just isn’t working.”
For this reason, in the first part of this text, I’ll give you common solutions on how to start over in a relationship and, in the second part, practical ideas on how to repair it.
I must note from my experience (and it’s evident in life, too) that:
People always strive for positive emotions, so if you’re wondering how to fix a broken relationship, positive emotions are part of the answer. One of our best and most mature mechanisms is humor (no, I’m not trying to trivialize your broken relationship, but I’m speaking from experience). That’s why I’ve chosen 10 fun activities you can do together to bring you closer and make your life more enjoyable.
Someone once said, “If we can laugh at it, we can beat it.” And from a psychological standpoint, that’s true.
If we can turn unpleasant things into something fun, it changes the overall chemistry in our body, relaxes the atmosphere, and reconnects people.
So, how do you fix a broken relationship?
7 Ways to Fix Your Relationship
Here Are the Usual Suggestions:
You Need To Talk About Everything To Start Over In a Relationship
Suppressing problems and pretending things didn’t happen will only leave room for the same things to happen again. Therefore, everything must be talked about in order to force you to fix the things that led to a relationship that does not satisfy you.
Communicate openly with your partner about your problems. Spend hours and days on these conversations. At first, you’ll both resist being honest about what’s going on. Then, one or both of you will likely feel attacked and feel the need to defend yourselves.
This might lead to blaming and accepting blame just to end the conversation.
Couples with broken relationships often suffer from poor communication, so this scenario is expected. There may be anger, threats of separation, tears, etc.
However, once you get through this part and reach honest communication, you can learn a lot about your partner’s motives, desires, and fears, as well as about your own.
You can also agree on how things will work moving forward.
How To Improve Your Relationship
Mistakes You’ve Made
During these conversations, you’ll likely realize how your partner views some of your actions, just as they’ll understand how you see theirs. It would be good to acknowledge and accept that you’ve made mistakes in some areas and that your partner has done the same.
This would be the point where you forgive each other for past mistakes and agree not to repeat them.
While you’re at it, agree that there will undoubtedly be days when your “new behavior” doesn’t go well and you revert to old habits, but this will be tolerated.
Of course, both of you should continue to avoid repeating old mistakes until they become a routine that requires no effort or thought.
Trust
It will take some time to start trusting your partner again and for them to start trusting you.
Agree on how you will rebuild mutual trust.
Tell your partner what you want them to do, and let them tell you what they want you to do to advance and restore trust more quickly.
Try Couples Therapy
Many of my clients have successfully gone through therapy. I can tell you that I’m there to guide them through conversations and teach them to understand each other better, to be braver and more open, and to know that it’s not the end of the world to express a grievance.
The therapist or consultant, whichever you choose, is there to neutrally listen to what people say to each other and objectively judge misunderstandings.
I highly recommend joint therapy if you can’t find a good way to communicate.
When to Fight for a Relationship and When to Let Go?
Set Common Goals
You’ll gain a sense of togetherness and feel like you’re moving in the same direction.
Agree on the timelines you want to achieve and strive to stick to those deadlines.
If the goals are more abstract, like “we’ll hug more often,” let the partner who’s more focused on this take responsibility for it. Another option is to take turns on different days. This is just a suggestion, but be creative and, if necessary, as specific as possible about your shared goals.
Celebrate each time you achieve a goal with a small celebration.
Encourage Small Gestures Of Love
Openly tell your partner what you love, and have them do the same, then try to fulfill these small desires for each other.
Also, surprise each other with small gestures of love. Buy tickets for an event your partner enjoys, pick up a small treat they like at the supermarket, cook something for them, fix something of theirs, drive them to work, send a love note just because, send a funny message or meme, a lovely love song… do all those little things that show love. And, of course, expect the same in return.
When you do something like this, make sure to say: “This is because I love you,” or “This is because I care about you.”
How To Maintain Good Relationship
Fulfill a Big Wish For Your Partner And Let Them Do The Same For You
This can be a way to build gratitude within the relationship.
You can either announce in advance that you’ll fulfill one of their big wishes or surprise them. The tricky part with surprises is that you can’t then ask your partner to fulfill one of your big wishes in return, but if you agree on this in advance, you could fulfill their wish and then say, “Now it’s your turn to do something for me.”
Of course, the prerequisite is that you know your partner’s wishes and that they know yours. Don’t be shocked or surprised by your partner’s wishes; this could set things back.
Also, don’t compare the size of the wishes. “Their wish is bigger than mine!” Everyone has their desires, and it doesn’t matter if they’re bigger or smaller.
Be realistic when fulfilling these wishes: don’t do things you can’t manage, ask for things that don’t make sense or are too difficult to fulfill, go into debt, mess things up just to fulfill a wish for your partner, etc.
If the problem happens to be with you, work on yourself. Go to therapy or do something specific that helps resolve the issue.
Is my relationship worth fighting for?
Spend Quality Time Together
Of course, do activities you enjoy together and try to connect. But below, I’ll give you some interesting (and hopefully fun) suggestions for things you could do together.
Fun Suggestions:
30-Day Love Challenge
Create a list of 30 small, romantic challenges you’ll complete each day. You create 15 challenges, and your partner makes the other 15.
If one of you isn’t feeling very creative, the other can generously take on the task of coming up with your challenges, too.
If you find a challenge you like, feel free to repeat it for multiple days.
Some ideas include: writing love poems to each other, drawing each other, going on a surprise day trip, cooking for one another, dressing in sexy outfits, having a day full of surprises, etc.
Role Reversal Game
Swap roles for a day and act like your partner. This can be hilarious, but it also reveals how your partner perceives you.
You could even wear your partner’s clothes, or at least one item, to make it funnier.
Go on a First Date
Do everything you would if you were going on a first date with your partner (you can even recreate your first date). Choose their outfit, pick the place you’ll go, flirt… act as if you’re trying to win them over.
So, be the best version of yourself. If it adds to the fun, you can make up things about yourself to impress your partner. Exaggerate and be the jackpot in their eyes. And vice versa. The other side should be in awe and charmed to be on a date with such a person. Role-playing can be a lot of fun.
Laughter Challenge
For one day, there should be no severe conversations. You must only laugh and have fun.
You can use baby talk, speak in code, or use pet names. Imitate each other, see everything through a funny lens. You can also respond in funny ways, do silly things, mimic someone you both know.
Write a List of Things You Love About Each Other
Write a list of things you love about each other and hang it somewhere you can read it regularly. Keep adding to the list whenever you think of something new.
Dance Together
- Take dance lessons and learn some traditional dances.
- Dance freely at home to your favorite music.
- Attend parties where dancing is the main event.
Engage in Recreational Activities or Sports Together
Sports and recreation release good hormones, so you’ll feel satisfied afterward. Plus, this can become something you do together regularly, whether it’s ping-pong, walking, hiking, badminton, tennis, or squash (obviously, I’m pushing racket sports, but they’re usually played in pairs and with partners 🙂 ).
8 Qualities to Look For In Your Life Partner?
Do Hobby Activities Together
My husband and I, for example, go mushroom picking and compete to find specific types. Other options include playing board games, singing in a choir, joining book clubs, doing puzzles or model-building, learning to cook together, etc.
Buy a karaoke machine or start a two-person band.
Perform a Role for Your Partner
If the first thing that came to mind was a striptease, that’s fine. But I was thinking more of a little skit, for example.
I suggest thinking of a genre your partner likes, finding a monologue from that genre, and performing a little play for each other.
Read Books to Each Other and Discuss Them
Create your little book club, or if you prefer, have a movie commentary night. Make an effort to give really good insights, interesting angles, and conclusions.
You can do countless more fun things together to mend a broken relationship. But even if you do just half of these, it could completely change your relationship and your dynamic. You might even become best friends again, doing fun things together. And most importantly:
Don’t be lazy.
All of this requires some effort, but it’s necessary. Nothing ever gets fixed without effort.
Also, don’t be shy.
These are a bit silly suggestions, but as we said, everyone strives for positive emotions, and positive emotions are often linked to surprises, silly things, comedic situations, etc.
I hope this text is helpful to you and helps you repair your relationship.
