Exploring the question ‘Do cheaters always cheat again?’ by categorizing cheaters into unchangeable and changeable ones, and examining the factors that can help a cheater become truthful.
So will they change or cheat again?
In this text, we consider psychological profiles and emotional-psychological tendencies to lie and cheat.
Also, in this text, we will help you identify which category your cheater falls into and what options you have with such a person.
Narcissistic Personalities
A lot is known about them today, but for those who aren’t informed about the question at hand (do cheaters cheat again), it’s essential to know a few things about narcissists.
- They are always right – this prevents them from seeing their mistakes, making them unchangeable.
- Others are wrong – from not interpreting their cheating correctly to believing others are to blame for their cheating. Since others are at fault, they think others should change, not them.
- Highly manipulative – they are likelier to manipulate others over changing themselves. Additionally, manipulation has been practiced since childhood, making it a core part of them.
- Need for admiration – the more people they can have admiring them, the better their need is satisfied.
These are some characteristics that make them unchangeable.
Suppose you recognize these traits in your partner. In that case, it doesn’t necessarily mean they have a narcissistic disorder (which is an extreme form of narcissism), but they are likely to have a narcissistic personality.
So, if your partner always convinces you that you are wrong in some way, acts superior, never admits mistakes, and never apologizes, they will likely never stop lying to you.
Is It Worth Staying With a Cheater?
Antisocial Personality Disorder – Sociopaths
Characteristic traits include:
- Lack of empathy—they won’t feel sorry for cheating on you and seeing you cry.
- Lack of remorse—they will never regret their actions.
- Exploitation of others – the more people they exploit for their needs (sexually, emotionally, financially), the more satisfied they are.
- Manipulation – like narcissists, sociopaths are manipulative. Lying is a fundamental part of their manipulation.
- Rejection of social norms – they don’t care about societal behaviors or what is morally and ethically acceptable.
- Lack of responsibility – they are not concerned about the consequences of their actions.
Clearly, there isn’t much room for change here. Sociopaths are generally uninterested in others’ opinions and societal norms, so they won’t care about what you or your surroundings think of them.
If you recognize your partner as someone who disregards societal norms, you can easily conclude that you’re dealing with someone who won’t get too upset about cheating or lying to you.
Relationship With Someone Who Cheated on You – How to Do It
Borderline Personality Disorder
Characteristic traits include:
1. Fear of abandonment – not just from you, but also by the other person with whom they cheated on you. Borderlines cannot stand being abandoned by anyone.
2. Unstable relationships – swinging from idealization to devaluation. They can idealize and devalue a person within minutes. Therefore, if you’re their ideal partner one day or hour, you can expect to stop being that soon. And that you might become the worst person in the world (don’t worry, it’s also only temporary). This is why they constantly switch partners.
3. Inner emptiness – which demands fulfillment. They hope that someone in their life will finally fill it.
4. Self-destructiveness – They are prone to self-destructive behaviors due to their inner emptiness. They might be people with alcohol use disorders, drug users, or serial partner changers. Since they don’t value themselves, they want to destroy the good things they have. This aligns well with their natural impulsivity.
5. Impulsiveness – they will do whatever seems good at the moment without thinking of the consequences. They rarely consider the future or the broader perspective, so they do whatever they want.
All these points clearly indicate that such a person will not stop lying. The fear of abandonment is the main issue. They are terrified of being abandoned, so they strive to keep everyone in their lives. They fear they won’t be liked and that someone will leave them because of it. Thus, they will do whatever it takes to be liked, even sleep with people.
You will recognize them primarily by the instability of your relationship. From idealization to devaluation. One day, you’re the best partner in the world; the next day, they want to leave you. But! They never go too far; they are always somewhere close.
Relationship With Someone Who Cheated on You – How to Do It
Mythomaniacs – Compulsive Liars
Characteristics:
- Impulsive lying: There is no benefit or motive behind impulsive lying; they need to lie. It could be learned, a habit, or a way to cope with stress or boredom.
- Escaping reality: In extreme cases, they escape from reality into their lies. In the world of their lies, they feel better. They can be very popular, important, powerful, brave, desirable, etc.
- Internal motivation: Since lying is impulsive and driven by internal motivation, neither external factors nor outside assistance can stop someone from lying.
For mythomaniacs, lying can be impulsive and deeply rooted, making it challenging to stop without long-term and intensive therapy.
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Cognitive Distortion – Faulty Thinking
When interpreted this way, it becomes clear that it was an unintended mistake by the person. However, this mistake is more about willfully ignoring the fact that the person has made an error.
Common cognitive distortions include:
1. Jumping to conclusions: Mind reading (“I know what he’s thinking”) and fortune telling (“I know this will happen…”). After concluding something without evidence, they look for proof to support it.
2. Focusing on the negative and generalizing: Because of this, they don’t see the positive outcomes of the relationship. Thus, they might cheat. In this context, it would be: “Ah, everyone cheats. No one has honor and morality anymore. Relationships can’t last.”
3. Labeling: “I can’t control myself. He always criticizes me.”
4. Ignoring the positive: “He’s not staying with me because he likes me, but because he has nowhere else to go.”
5. Selective memory: Remembering events in a way that supports their lies.
To recognize if your partner does this, pay attention if, when things don’t go their way, your partner claims it’s always like that. For example, if they fail an exam, they’ll ignore all the others they passed and claim they never had luck, that none of the professors liked them, etc.
The essence is that they distort reality in a fatalistic way:
“I cheat and can never change”; “I thought it was okay with you that I cheated because you said…”; “Everyone cheats. People are just like that.”
With therapy, where the cheater confronts reality, change is possible. “Does everyone around you really cheat?”
How Cheating Begins and What Happens Before Cheating
Inferiority Complex
Basic characteristics are:
1. Low self-esteem: They lie to feel better.
2. Need for recognition: They seek approval and acknowledgment from others and will do anything necessary to get it.
3. Imitation of admired figures: If that figure cheats, they will, too, because that’s what “cool” people do
4. Admiration: They are willing to do a lot for a person they admire, even sleep with them, finance them, and give them gifts and attention, even if they get nothing in return.
If you recognize that your partner feels inferior, you can easily conclude that if a “powerful” figure accepts them into their circle, there will be no limits to what they will do for them.
Also, the feeling of inferiority is evident in social interactions, where the person boasts and seeks recognition from others.
All this can lead to cheating and lying, as these things serve a higher purpose: to satisfy their inner world and feel better.
The solution obviously lies in overcoming the inferiority complex, which can best be achieved by:
- Psychotherapy
- Working on themselves makes the person truly valuable in some segments of society. Also, believing that what they have become is truly important and good.
Social and Cultural Factors
In societies where lying and cheating are more accepted, individuals may be more prone to such behavior. For example, in corrupt societies where values like absolute freedom from constraints are propagated, where it is desirable to be in polygamous relationships, where cheating is seen as no big deal, etc.
Family history and dynamics: If there were such role models in the family, the person might imitate that model. I often encounter clients who imitate a father or mother who cheated on each other. For instance, this behavior might seem normal since they have always seen such models and thus do it themselves.
What Type of Person is More Likely to Cheat
If you live in more liberal countries, liberal communities, or families, or if your partner has cheated in their family history, it would be good to explore how your partner thinks about it. How acceptable is cheating to them?
Of course, there is always a chance that the person was extremely hurt because someone in the family cheated or that, despite skewed social norms, the person was raised ethically and morally.
Since this behavior is learned, some psychologists believe that the person can stop lying with appropriate therapy and self-awareness.
The potential for this lies in the person’s decision not to be a typical representative of their society or family member.
Okay. Now that we have explained the profiles of people who cheat and lie and why they are unchanging, we can also say which factors reflect and which help.
In this text, you have a more precise description of Why Do People Cheat?
Factors That Certainly Do Not Help a Person Change:
Skepticism: This attitude is based on the idea that lying is an integral part of someone’s personality and is difficult to eradicate.
Social Stigmatization: When cheaters are stigmatized and excluded from society, they may be less motivated to change because they lack community support for reintegration.
Unsuccessful Stories: There are also stories of people who reverted to their old habits even after attempting to change.
Statistics: These indicate that returning to old behaviors is common, supporting the argument that cheaters rarely stop lying.
How to Get Back in a Relationship with Someone Who Cheated 1.
Factors That Can Help a Person Change
Successful Stories: Inspiring stories about the power of human will. These stories often include pivotal moments of change, such as discovering faith or experiencing a significant life event (illness).
Such stories can be motivational: “If they could do it, so can I.”
Punishment: Depending on individual factors, punishment can be effective, which is the principle behind legal institutions. The hypothesis is that the partner should be punished sufficiently to have no choice but to change to avoid such punishment again.
Therapy: Because an authoritative and trained person helps the cheater, through various techniques, they can overcome the part of themselves inclined to cheat. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a good choice if a belief change is needed.
Self-Reflection: This falls under psychoanalysis or self-analysis. When people become aware of what they are doing and where it leads them, understanding that everything they do, they do to themselves, there is a chance for change.
“No one is to blame for this but me. I did it so I can stop doing it.”
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Moral Development: This involves developing a person’s superego and convincing them of the need for morality, ethics, and honorable behavior.
Religion: People who turn to religion tend to believe that a higher power controls or monitors them and that they will face consequences for their behavior. Statistics show that religious people are less prone to immoral and bad behavior. Therefore, if your partner cheats, the right path is to turn to religion (together).
Support from Loved Ones: belief in the person who cheats can be a key trigger for change. This falls under formative reactions, where people form themselves based on what others think and expect of them.
Sincere Repentance: I often discuss moments when it is impossible to use mechanisms to justify our actions. In such moments, sincere repentance can occur. In such moments, a person can realize the pain they have caused another person, that they have violated their moral and ethical norms, and that they have broken social norms of behavior.
These are some general suggestions on how to recognize if a cheater will ever stop lying. There are exceptions to the rule, of course (not with narcissistic personalities, sociopaths and pathological liars), but we are dealing with typical models here. However, do not take this text for granted. It covers most cheaters, but maybe not your partner. Love you. Dee.
