This might be one of the most significant texts you’ll read about interpersonal dynamics, how we influence each other due to our imbalance, and one-sided love.

I’ve written several different texts on why love has disappeared or become one-sided, which you can find on the blog. We have approached this topic in various ways… and I believe it’s good to read them all to get the full picture 😊.

Why Do People Fall Out Of Love Suddenly?, Empty Love Relationships, etc. you will find them.

This sounds like some cases from my practice, where one person maintains or increases their love while the other discards it once they have received enough.

How One-Sided Love Starts

This usually happens due to differences in character and investment between two people. To explain this more easily, let’s call them John and Mary.

• These names might irritate you, but it’s easier for me to explain them this way than as person A and person B. Feel free to use any names you prefer.

Mary and John are roughly compatible; no one stands out too much, except in their specific fields of expertise (let’s say Mary is a librarian and excels in that, while John is great at fixing cars since he’s a mechanic). But essentially, they are compatible.

• I emphasize this to eliminate any thoughts about why one side is more in love and remains in love while the other side cools off.

However, since no love usually starts with the same intensity of emotions, let’s say Mary is a bit more interested in John for various reasons. Maybe she’s had more romantic disappointments, perhaps she’s more mature, maybe more modest, and wants to start a family—we don’t know Mary’s reasons for loving John so intensely.
John loves Mary too, but let’s say he hasn’t had as many romantic disappointments, so he doesn’t think he’s found something very precious in Mary, who is stable and kind (it’s logical that when we experience some disappointment in a doctor, therapist, hairdresser, etc., we are very grateful and appreciative when we find a good one).

Mainly, Mary loves John very much, and John loves Mary, but he doesn’t think she’s something special.

And this is the first moment when their relationship begins to crumble, and love becomes one-sided.

Since Mary highly values John and his presence, she wants to keep him so much that she starts investing in him—her energy, time, effort, etc.
John still loves Mary, but we must admit that she shows him so much love that he starts to wonder: Am I something special?

Is it true that if you love someone, let them go?

At first, he doesn’t think he’s something special, but he enjoys Mary’s attention. With her assurance, he becomes more and more convinced that he really is something exceptional.

Her assurance, as far as she’s concerned, is healthy love, full of support and affection, recognizing his qualities. She believes this is how it should be done.
Mary recognizes that John appreciates her qualities less, but she believes it’s simply a matter of male-female nature, differences in character, etc. And it doesn’t matter to her because she considers John’s love proof that he is with her.

The dynamics are such that one partner (in our story, Mary) gives more love, so that love (according to the snowball principle) keeps growing, while the other partner doesn’t provide as much love, mainly enjoying it. For him, love decreases like a muscle we don’t use.

There is a difference between the love that Mary and John both emit.

Mary truly admires John. She thinks highly of him, so it’s natural for her to treat him well. However, John doesn’t admire Mary because he never had to, and she acts as if he is more valuable than she is.

Moreover, we have another part of the equation. Since John receives a lot of love, he is empowered by it. He considers himself valuable, desirable, exceptional, handsome, intelligent, fun, etc. Because of this, he maximizes his potential. Mary tells him: you are smart. And he starts to learn and educate himself and indeed, he becomes smarter. That’s how we humans function.

But Mary, who doesn’t receive love (at least not intensely), no longer thinks as highly of herself. No one tells her she’s exceptional.

Should You stay In your Relationship?

And now we have a couple (we don’t need names anymore 😊) where one partner thinks highly of themselves, which logically leads to thinking they are desirable to others as well. This partner has also become a much better version of themselves because the other person has provided perfect conditions for self-development.
Meanwhile, the other partner doesn’t think much of themselves. The gap between them is enormous.

And that’s the moment when the relationship becomes one-sided.

One side thinks they can do better. They have received so much (love, attention, support, and energy) from the other side that they have become extraordinary, beautiful, and significant. The person who only gave has emptied themselves and is now less than they were. But that’s okay with them because what matters is being with their loved ones. They are happy with them.

However, as I said, the adored person, who thinks they are very desirable, wonders if they are equally desirable to all other people.

How to Keep Your Dignity in Relationship

Unfortunately, the love for Mary (😊) has decreased (after all, we now have one special person and one not-so-special person… the difference is significant), and self-love and possibilities have increased.

This is usually the moment when I tell my clients: Are you aware that your partner is great only with you? When you and your love are no longer there, they will no longer be so great.

I mention this because the solution to your one-sided love lies in this realization.

If you are Mary, the person who still loves your partner and has given them a lot, do you know that your partner is great only with you?

It may seem that they are magnificent, but no. They are truly something special only with your presence and love in their life.

📌 Even if you are unaware of it, you are convinced that your partner is exceptional on his own. But all logic will tell you that your presence is essential. Of course, people can convince us that they did and created everything themselves, but… but let’s do a little math here:

🧮 People are beings who do everything for themselves—if such a person kept you in their life, be sure that they did it for themselves – so you are, in a way, a key figure in that person’s life – which leads us to the conclusion that in fact, you are the driving fuel for that person. No matter what they claim and what they may (probably) never admit to you.

Partner Has Fallen in Love With Someone Else – Whether to Stay or Leave

If Your Love is One-Sided, Test Your Partner

And to test this, the only option is to see what your partner is like without you.

For the sake of the story, I used the extreme idea that John practically stopped giving love to Mary. Still, the essence is that if you provide a lot of love to your partner and they give you less, even though at first they will be a more powerful figure than you, ultimately, one day, when you are no longer together, they will be at a more significant loss.

My husband, a group analyst by profession, says: When two people part ways, the one who gave less loses.
This sentence is so logical and explanatory.

If your partner’s love has disappeared and the relationship is one-sided, my recommendation is that you close the source of your love.

This can be a good test for the partner—to see if they are so significant and wonderful when there is no one to show them, tell them, and work on it.

Cutting off the flow of your love can be done in various scales, but if the partner’s love has disappeared, maybe the best idea would be to completely stop emitting love towards them.

How To Improve Your Relationship

What We Predict Will Happen

The first thing that will happen is that the partner will be in shock. Second, if they have already intended to leave the relationship, it will be easier for them. Third… let’s make an assumption of the development of the situation.

When you stop giving love to your partner (time, energy, etc.)

1. The partner experiences surprise—the initial shock.
2. After this, they either start seeking the same treatment back or experience relief.

7 reasons why people who rejected you come back

If they seek the same treatment in return

Do not give it to them.

Given the previous events, it’s clear to you that you must not return to the previous dynamic or relax with your partner. We know what they are like when they receive all your love.

Secondly, now it’s up to the partner to make up for the period of suffering you’ve endured. Therefore, it’s wise to clearly communicate to your partner that you are already one foot out of the relationship and that if they want to win you back, they will have to work hard.

If this is your path, there is no quick return to the old dynamic, no yielding to manipulation, and no mercy. During this period, you should consider whether your previous strategy of giving a lot of love was good and what you need to change towards your partner. So, your energy during this time should go into thinking about your next steps, not emitting love.

Will True Love Come Back?

If the partner experiences relief

1. This is important to understand because your love, which has kept them in such a high position, will naturally start to fade from them like air from a balloon. The balloon deflates over time when no one persistently blows air into it. Slowly but surely. It doesn’t retain its tight, round, and beautiful shape.

2. Secondly, just because your partner currently has no problems (small and large life challenges) doesn’t mean they won’t have any in the future. Issues arise and come so that they won’t be spared either. And problems seriously drain people.

Now, the partner is no longer so powerful, necessary, and exceptional. With diminished self-confidence and problems that inevitably come and hit them even harder, it becomes clear to the partner that they are weaker. And you know what else they realize? That they are only powerful and strong with you.

And that’s the new moment when the partner tries to return to you for an ego repair.

Can a Person Who Rejected You Change Their Mind

What To Do Now?

Here, you have to consider whether you will accept the partner, but I recommend keeping them at the status quo for a while longer.

📌 Remember: good treatment is not the path to your partner’s love, and besides, is it wise to relax with them?

Your task, if they try to return to your life, is to keep them at a distance. Now would be a good time to reverse the roles and let the partner give back to you what you invested in them. After all, we know about the snowball effect, so if you want your partner’s love for you to grow, you must let them invest their energy and time in you. What we invest our energy and time in becomes precious to us. Let them invest energy and time in you.

To receive such treatment, remember that it’s not enough to just want it or ask for it. The partner must have a motive for why they would start treating you very well, and their motive is that they felt strong with you and very weakened without you.

How To Make Your Ex Regret Leaving You

So, How To Handle One-Sided Love

If the relationship is one-sided, the wisest move is for the partner who still loves to withdraw all their resources—attention, love, services, listening, advice, support, and finances.

The result will either be that the partner will realize how they are without their person’s support, or each will go their separate ways. I know this solution may not appeal to you, but it’s practically your only chance to improve your relationship with your partner.

Suppose you continue to emit love towards them. In that case, the gap will become even larger and more impossible, and your partner will never experience life without you (which is their ticket and personal motive for returning).

• For those who say: I don’t want them to return just to continue receiving from me. This text is obviously not for you because people are pretty selfish creatures and are driven by selfish impulses. They generally do things for themselves, not for others. But let’s return to the topic.

Suppression, Self-Control and Setting-Goals

If you withdraw your love, you will:

• Balance the relationship a bit.
• Show your partner what life without you looks like.
• Give them a chance to come back to their source of energy and good self-image.
• Have the opportunity to step back from your partner and objectively assess the situation (do you need someone like that?).
• Maybe get a new chance with your partner to balance the power in the relationship, which has been on your partner’s side until now.

If you continue to emit love without reciprocity, nothing will change. At least not for the better. It will change for the worse.

Therefore, if you are Mary and decide to withdraw your love from your John (here, it’s obviously not about genders, but about who gives and who takes), do it bravely.
The benefits that can come from this are manifold.

After you do this, stick to your story and your decision. Focus on yourself; in these texts, you have some suggestions on how:

Do not return to that partner until they show great interest in you. As I said, I expect this will happen sooner or later because the partner knows what they have lost and wants it back, so they will have to do anything to get it.

📌 Believe it or not, this often works when love becomes one-sided, even in relationships where the partner decides on a third person.

📌 This won’t work in a small number of relationships where the partner has already planned their life without you.

But the math is clear: With this, you have a chance, while with no change, not so much.

How To Know When It’s Time To Break Up

📌 Note: Especially avoid negative emotions, such as crying, despair, threats, and anger. People never move towards negative emotions. Negative emotions actually just confirm what the partner thought about you—you are not worth their attention.
Your task is to withdraw love, not to make things worse.

So, if the relationship has become one-sided—withdraw. Withdraw if this state has just begun, if it has been going on for a while, or if it has been long-lasting. Withdraw despite your fear and try this tactic to get what you want from your partner.

And be patient. Fold your arms (not literally. Work on yourself in every possible way 😉). Generally, fold your arms and wait for your partner’s balloon to start deflating and flying less. To get pricked by some thorn and to fall to the ground at some point. And you’ll see, they might quickly return to you for more love.

And from there, slowly—very, very slowly—let them back into the relationship. But that’s a topic for another post.

Love you. Dee.